A Grateful time of Being Aware

at this point it, it's curiosity, a playful time of being aware and knowing that it's so - of course this was always true, but there once was a struggle to be something more, to find myself in a higher field of pure awareness. This wasn't really about enlightenment, although I thought at times it was. What I deeply wanted to was to escape, to leave a bitter world behind even for a bit, perhaps just a sense of ease to lead me through a day. I wanted to transcend. And I bought every promise to take me there, books, teachers, and sacred vows. Nothing delivered. 

Here's the real promise - nothing is supposed to deliver, and I'm thankful this is so. There is no transcending life, and what a shame it would be to miss the fullness that it brings. Yes, at times I suffer, deeply so, and just as often I delight in the simple things I find at hand. Even this moment, warmed by a single beam of early sun, quiet, words coming to me on this theme, spontaneous, and everything I need to write these thoughts down. It's complete. There's nothing missing from this - and the gift is to be aware of this completion, knowing that even in my gratitude it's all changing, shifting in another way that may not be as joyful as this one simple, single moment of expression. Yet whatever arrives, however it all shifts and changes - that moment too will be complete. Everything belongs. That's the promise. 

At this point it is curious, a playful time of being aware, a bit more patient with myself, kinder, knowing that what appears is here for whatever length of stay that life may offer. Nothing has to be different. But is soon will be. I don't have to struggle with any of this, to be aware, to transcend anything that meets displeasure. Everything happens on it's own. I might still find myself struggling, perhaps lonely, frustrated with the world times. That's life too. I have no idea of anything other than this moment - I'm grateful for what it holds, that I'm aware of it's shifting, changing nature, and curious about what next appears. 

Peace,

Eric