Waiting For Words

Waiting for words: 

waiting for words to arrive, and the question isn't if they will appear, as I know they always do and everyday I'm surprised at the length of what's been written. No, the real concern is if I'll allow the morning to be silent in my wait, to not rush a single word to the page, but to simply abide in these quiet moments before even a trace of dawn shows, allowing everything to unfold in its own perfect way. 

it's here that I balance my wish for words against the comfort of this silence, there's no agenda yet, only the faintest stir of inspiration to the world. I know these hours are precious in their own qualities, limited to moments before the reach of dawn, and magical in the subtle layers of their hush. Nothing I write will ever come to match this, not a single word is worth breaking the spell that these quiet moment's hold upon my world. The balance is found by trusting in what's given, that through silence I receive an inspiration that's always greater than my own demand for words. 

waiting for words to arrive, and it's not about patience, nor even waiting really, as silence involves an artful listening, a discernment of those subtle layers of allowing. This isn't truly the absence of sound, and it's not that my mind is without thought, it's all too seamless for the duality of description, that a thought can appear without attachment to a thinker, or sound belonging purely to the listening. This is what I really wake so early for, and if words later follow than I am greatly blessed as well, 

and words always do appear, never missed in any morning. 

so it's not really waiting for words, but more truly of allowing myself to be part of this quiet process of the morning's inspiration. It's a matter of trusting that what appears is greater than my own demands, always, and there is no need to reach for words. Everything finds me here, exactly where I am, and this is where it seems I wait for words...

yet really, 

just listening to these quiet moments. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Seeking

Seeking: 

this is in defense of seeking, practice, and of devotion to a greater cause - it's spiritual call not to transcend the everyday, but to fully be immersed in the art of truly living. This is simply the examination of who we are, letting go of concerns we take as priority and shift our focus to the needs of connection, realizing that life is better served when we are most connected to each other, connected to the world and nature, and certainly when we are connected to our own hearts, listening to the truth and beauty that it urges us to remember. We're not seeking anything that's found outside of ourselves, nothing that doesn't already belong to us now, this very instant that we turn and face inwards. 

this isn't the frantic energy of one who is lost and is without direction - we are relaxed in our own presence, at home already, and what we seek is no less than the display of God in every detail of the world, our own reflection of the eternal in all that's temporary in appearance. 

we're seeking perfection in the flawed, beauty through aspects seen as less appealing to the eyes, and truth beyond our thoughts and words. It's seeking not because any of this ever absent, but only to find the well hidden and disguised aspects of ourselves that escape our heart's detection, we seek to heal what's unacknowledged, and accept ourselves as whole.

and our practice is simply, it's relaxed, and it's nothing more that whatever brings us joy through the moment of enactment. It's this joy that carries over to the daily points of living, deepening our connections, showing as grace through every interaction. Our practice is meditation, forgiveness, dancing, being a parent and caring for a child. It's really all that easy, without any complications - our practice is to be surrendered for the sake of love, through whatever means it seeks to find us. 

here, too, is our devotion, for just this moment alone, nothing more, or beyond whatever appears right now. This too is an easy surrender, we are devoted to what's present even as it changes to something other, knowing that life itself is motion, and our true devotion is only to the living. We are devoted to motion, as well as the stillness that allows it, seeing that one is not truly separate from the other. This devotion happens on it's own, without our will or effort. Our only role is see, to remember, and again to be surrendered for the sake of love and its cause of motion. 

this is in defense of seeking, practice, devotion, and these words aren't meant to address anyone who believes they're beyond the need to hear. It's my description of what seems to happen completely on its own, an energy that guides my inspiration. Really, these words are for myself alone, and my surrender is found within its sharing. 

~

Peace, Eric 

From Nothing

From Nothing: 

of something from nothing - and what makes this thought so hard to grasp is that even space and time are absent from this void, absolute in total emptiness, and yet somehow too the source for all we are. This is our regression, that we arrive to this point by removing every possibility until not a single concept remains, not even a mathematical equation that allows for the laws of physics to be applied. Nothingness is indeed, absolute. 

of course scientist debate what nothing really is, having done so for centuries, and the idea terrified ancient Greek philosophers so much that they refused to incorporate zero in their mathematical system even as the recognized its importance to complete some valued calculations. Nothingness can be truly frightening and maybe virtually impossible for us to understand. Again we come to regression and this time in a more personal manner. First seen is our bodies reduced to cells, followed by molecules and then atoms, everything smaller still until we reach the subatomic world of particles existing as a wave, not even measured until observed. Particles themselves are regressed even farther, or at least protons and neutrons are, with quarks being fundamental to their nature. At this point it's all theory, or mostly so, and we are free to pick our favorite one. Personally I love the concept of String theory, that the universe is now reduced to the thinnest strand imaginable and everything is brought forth through vibrations. This is our true evolution, something from what appears to be from nothing. 

yet still not absolute nothingness. 

and maybe this is as close to nothingness as we get, that there is always some possibility of existence no matter how remote, truly nothing simply being the vibrational patterns for what we already are. It's here that I rely on my sure seeing, a Heart Sutra discovered every instance, something in the immediacy of its empty hold, capacity serving for the emergence of my world. This is far from philosophy, without a trace of speculation, but simply seeing my own emptiness laying plain in view. Right now. This is the practice of seeing, it's applied cosmology for the momentary Big Bang of my expansion - looking first to objects of the world, solid in appearance, distinct with shape and color, and from here to trace them back to the source which holds their view. Look, truly and with innocence of expectations, what's found? My eyes will never see their actual source, emptiness always appears absent from the view, and yet reveals itself through everything that it holds, seamless, and at once. 

something.

existing still...from nothing. 

~

Peace, Eric 

From God

From God:

that it's all divine, the literal meaning of being from God, and this includes life's every expression without exception. This is my own description of course, just a story using words that fit an early morning mood of gratitude and awe. I'm awake right now, senses stirred, and everything seems to comes from God, each detail of the morning revealing itself divine through its subtle display of simply being, existing, and how it all seamlessly belongs within my view. There's an observer here as well, watchful of my own connection and display, that I am seamless too in my belonging. It's all from God, infinite observation regressed to inevitable emptiness, silence, divine nothingness. 

that it's all from God.

to be from in no way means diminished, what I see now, this morning, isn't a lesser gift than any other aspect of God. It's an extension of holiness itself, heaven all the way down to the dew dripped blade of grass that waits for the first touch of sunlight to be dried. It's of God, being exactly the same, and if not found here, on a single blade of grass, than won't ever be discovered, won't be known in any meaningful way. It's all from, of, God, everything's revealed to be divine.

don't take these words to be religious, or even spiritual in anyway - this is the holiness of the mundane, ordinariness, God in every detail of existence. These are just words that lend themselves best to my description, not a reflection to any belief except what the morning itself holds. I believe in the God that exists just before sunrise, a hushed sense of awe in hours not quite dawn. It's that blade of grass, growing heavy now with weight of dew and expectation of light, all of and from God, nothing but the divine revealed here. It's just another morning, similar to endless others before, and yet it's never been exactly as it is right now, never seen again in this unique expression, and this is what I awaken to. 

every morning...

it's all from God. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Anxiety

Anxiety: 

there's been a struggle for me with anxiety for sometime now, perhaps for much of my life it's been an underlying presence, often intense and causing near panic, but mostly just a whisper that feeds my worst instincts through situations and conditions of daily living. The past several years have been difficult and have finally brought me to the point where medication has been needed. Yet still I hesitate to call this a struggle, or say that I suffer due to anxiety. It's just present, a manageable threat to certain moments of my internal equilibrium, and few people ever see its presence. Some might say that I hide it well, and yes, it's seldom evident to others, but it's not something that I try to keep from people. I don't hide it, there's no fight against it, no struggle, really - it's simply part of life, allowed as every aspect is, acknowledged for its harm if left unchecked, yet it's nothing that I refuse to recognize as belonging. 

if it's present, it belongs.

even as I wish for something other.

and of course I do wish that some aspects of my life were easier, that anxiety wasn't an issue that inhibits certain interactions with people and situations. I do the things that help and then continue with my daily living. There's an equanimity here, peace, and not because of absence of any struggle, but of acceptance to what's present, each moment, and this includes the quite often struggle to accept what's present now. It's a paradox only when it's labeled as such. For me, it self-evident, seamless. It's life. 

this was the gift of meditation, of a continuous awakening to life in every moment of its expression - everything is always changing, fluid, and none of it has to meet my expectations. I am not the one who decides what's allowed or isn't, it's not the point of my acceptance, nor denial of any given situation. Life is, and it continues to unfold regardless of my of concerns. Again this isn't blind acceptance, nor is it resignation to what life holds - I am a dynamic participant though each moment, part of life's motion and expression. I'm responsive. 

that's become the key difference, as so often anxiety forces a reaction, and sometimes this appears as an inability to deal with life's present situation. Things have shifted for me though, I won't offer an explanation as to why, and in truth I'm not really sure how it happened, or why, but only that it has and I attribute mostly due to grace. Here's the funny thing, grace does not exclude the tools of meditation, breathwork, yoga and exercise, and not even medication. 

everything belongs.

and now, through grace, and all that's included, I see myself belonging to life through it's every response - anxiety is simply what life sometimes offers me now, as well as everything I do to minimize it's harm. That's my equanimity, it's my peace. 

it's grace.

~

Love, Eric 

Of Meditation

Of meditation: 

the question was of meditation, if it was a viable means of awakening, does the practice itself lead to liberation and freedom? Fortunately it wasn't directed to me and I wasn't part of any such discussion. It's fair to ask, but really, it's impossible to answer. The question was from a podcast on spiritual matters and it turned rather lively on this point, not of meditation alone, but of practices in general as a means for awakening. 

do we need to practice what is already present? 

and of course the answer is no, we don't need to do anything and most especially meditation. I love the term awakening as it pertains to me of dawn and the ease to which we open our eyes and allow the morning light to simply be, finding us exactly where we are without effort of our reach. Everything is easy, natural, and spontaneous. What's to practice here? 

yet for me, meditation is a beautiful part of this, not a practice to attain anything at, not a method of achievement. It's a settling of thoughts and breath into the ease of stillness, an expression of the divine no less so than any other activity but one set aside for the singular act of its devotion. Meditation slows me to an easier pace of observation, and deeper still comes the recognition of the world allowed exactly as it is, right now, without need of change or being fixed. Yes, this all takes place without the aid of meditation, but for many this the first glimpse that such a thing as this exist. 

meditation is my reverse dawn, to close my eyes and find true light, awakening to the present moment in whatever's found. With eyes closed, nothing is avoided, no distractions, just a pause to accept it all exactly as it is, and with this I remember that it's always so, eyes open, and continue with my day. Meditation brings me joy by process of its practice, not an end result at all, as this joy is always present. 

it's not about awakening at all.

nor is it apart from it.

it's simply what I do...

joyfully.

~

Peace, Eric 

Dharma Point

Dharma point:

specific dates don't seem to stay with me, yet certain events stay vivid with a resonance that vibrates to this day with significance and meaning. For instance I no longer recall the date of my last drink, and this is truly a counting point for many who have put alcohol behind. I remember the drink, the bar, and my reason for quitting, a decision that arrived quite suddenly and with purpose. It seemed a clear choice was laid out instantly for me, a continuation of drinking and the consequences to follow, or in that exact moment simply no longer cherish the decade long lifestyle that brought me little joy. I won't say it was an easy choice, for those dependent on alcohol it never truly is, but it was a moment of clarity, a dharma point if you will - I simply knew that there were two distinct paths for me to follow, one involved alcohol and the other no longer had room to entertain its presence. Whatever date it was...I had my last drink ever that night and it was less of a struggle than one would imagine, alcohol just ceased to be a reason for any of my choices, it wasn't involved in the life that flowed from that dharma point onward. 

it was a new life.

the word choice appears a few times above - I mention it as if there were a clear decision to be made and I weighed out all my options. Dharma points don't seem to work that way, there is no real choice given, it's not fateful like that, not really, although life will drastically change with any new path followed. But it wasn't a choice for me to make in anyway, not in the traditional way of thinking at least. I didn't make the decision to quit drinking, no vow or declaration was made. What happened was more of an alignment, this was the way that life was steering and I offered no resistance. That's why I like to refer to it as a dharma point, a moment were life takes a firmer hold and seems to have a preference for the path one's meant to follow. Dharma, our life path, doesn't seem to offer choices, it's not a force that presents clear options through every moment of its unfolding. At least it doesn't appear that way to me. Again, it feels more like being aligned to joy even through my most difficult moments, a resonance of purpose and design. A dharma point is really just pause in the journey, a placed offered to measure the resonance of joy against the present path that's followed. It's listening, feeling, deeply so to the very fabric of the soul. Here I use the term soul not to refer to a singular, separate entity, but as a collective belonging to the whole. To be aligned with dharma is to know that we belong. 

life has offered these dharma points throughout - some I've followed and others were ignored, or I was willful in my preference. But they are still and always offered, a moment to pause and deeply feel my way along instead of blindly going forward. It's not magic, it's simply life. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Nothing To Write About

Nothing to write about: 

there's always nothing to write about - and this is my great reassurance, that inspiration is present to my attention, and my only role is to notice that everything appears directly from the void, emptiness allowing  ideas to form and find themselves as words given to a page. Nothing is ever missing, spaciousness provides in the immediacy of its need, and if anything seems absent now than it's simply not the time for its appearance. Trust and patience are virtues to a writer and these lend themselves to having faith in the holiness of a pause, words not missing but forming from the void, arriving in their perfect way. I have faith in the emptiness of this moment, there is no need for the rush of words. 

everything appears from nothing. 

it's in this way that words find me, my faith rewarded in fulfillment of a page. There's always nothing to write about after all, mystery, of how words appear so magically from absolutely nowhere. Truly, is there anything more exciting than this to consider? My own beginning was once as emptiness as that start of this page, not even an idea present, nothing. If I existed at all it was as pure potentiality, particles swirling as a later promise of my form, DNA from an ancient line of ancestors longing to be expressed. But really, just emptiness, nothing, until...I...am...now. 

yet still emptiness remains. 

in this light, I see myself too as inspiration, a sudden appearance from the void, and just as subtle as ideas and every word. From emptiness - a writer, and with nothing to write about but this singular point of origin. So it seems I write mostly of miracles, no matter the subject or theme, each word sacred, holy in appearance. It's all simply emptiness writing of itself, a heart sutra of infinite patience and design, from nothingness to words, nowhere, here, at once, and continuously.

there is always nothing to write about...

~

Peace, Eric 

Mundane Questions

Mundane questions: 

clearly I have very few answers, and even my questions are fairly mundane in their concerns and require little in the way of deeper contemplation. Life generally handles the details of it's course, providing so much with no real thought or effort of my own. Let's consider the breath for instance, or heartbeat, that the body functions with such precision and skillful rhythm while demanding no conscious act of will for its continuation - this indeed is truly a miracle. Which leads me to a few deeper questions after all, most specifically is what role does consciousness play in any of this, not only for my mind and body, but throughout the universe itself ? How is any of this experienced at all? Clearly these aren't mundane questions and require some greater contemplation. 

this is consider the hard problem of consciousness, asking why we are capable of experience, of being able to even entertain the miracle of breath and heartbeat in my considerations. Great minds are researching this and have yet to provide a satisfying universal answer that is easily accepted by both scientist and philosopher. Of course mystics from all traditions have explored this issue at length and despite some details unique to each, mostly have a perennial agreement. Quantum physics, at reaching a certain point, almost seems to require a mystical explanation to consider, and that's with the role of observer being central and critical for the universe to exist at all. I'll tread lightly here, not wishing to project my own beliefs into scientific matters I barely understand. However, being a hard problem for science doesn't seem so difficult for my own understanding, and perhaps even mundane questions provide some clues and even a few answers to consider. 

so, I'll try.

there is no true and real observer here, no experience found separate from the moment it occurs - the hard problem exist only in its consideration, and even then it's just a thought that belongs to the absence of a thinker. This isn't a stance of hard-line nonduality, although I do find myself in agreement with much that's offered. Really, this is just the simplicity of living, asking these deeper questions and listening while the body replies with easy answers of breath and beating heart. Even mundane questions provides their own seamless answers, an inquiry of any concern reveals the depth and simplicity of living. It's not a hard problem, as we display it's solution all the time. The real and only problem isn't of experience, but of allowing ourselves the pleasure or discomfort of whatever each moment holds without demands for any answers, nor reasons for it to be other than it is right now. Inquiry doesn't require answers, insight comes from revelation and the obviousness of simply asking. 

with this, most truly, there are no mundane questions. 

and clearly, every answer is seamless in it's reply. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Mystery of Appearance

Mystery of appearance: 

because it's here, appearing to be so, and for whatever reasons brought it to this moment - that's our only answer as to why things are a certain way, that right now life appears as an event with infinite means of order, possibilities, and yet we so often find ourselves faced with a moment of disfavor. There is no satisfactory answer that explains the mystery of appearance. Things are exactly as they are at every given moment, and even as we come to this acceptance they are already changing, and will soon appear a different way. Life is too dynamic for our approval, it's reality shifting to our choices, a karmic road map of intersecting possibilities all brought to a current display. 

it's the mystery of appearance.

it's the questions we all ask ourselves quite often - why did this happen? or why did we behave in such a way or say a certain thing? We wish for an easy answer to explain our discomfort away. The answer really is quite simple and yet doesn't always satisfy our need for comfort. Things are the way they are and it's all beyond our understanding. Everything. Of course we could offer ourselves an easy explanation that brings more satisfaction. We often do. But that doesn't mean it's true. There really is no single truth to this matter, again life is simply too dynamic, a multitude of truths all coinciding to this moment. Even our thoughts are a mere appearance to the mind, having little control of their arrival or their leave. We are not the originator of our thoughts, but the aware, open presence which receives them. It's all a mystery, every thought and sentence spoken. 

things appear, and only seem to linger.

reality is motion. 

they mystery of appearance.

none of this is offered as an explanation, it would be hubris for me to offer such a thing. This too is just an appearance, thoughts given to words that somehow found a page. Writing belongs to the mystery, no explanation except this is what I do. 

it's the mystery of my own appearance.

~

Peace, Eric 

True Generosity

 True generosity:

 it's considered true generosity, spontaneous, and equal in both giving and receiving - this is really just being aligned with nature, living in accordance to the natural rhythm of life. Every moment is one true generosity, that we give even without our conscious knowing, and through this gain the support of all the world. Our breath is one example, air cleansed by trees and other greenery as if tailored for our lungs alone, and in return we offer our exhalation, filled with carbon dioxide and used in their own production of energy. It's a beneficial breath, drawn and exhaled, generous by its very nature. 

it's similar to the host of microbes that call our bodies home, infinite numbers living on our skin and other organs. They are so vast as to outnumber human cells, our own identity really being one of sharing, of many living things in cooperation for the the whole. Microbes protect and guard against harmful bacteria, they produce specific vitamins that our bodies won't make on their own, and their presence serves for harmonious intestinal health. We are generous through our entire bodies, giving ourselves as space in return for every benefit they provide. 

this is true generosity.

it's what we are.

there's really no need to practice this, it's natural, spontaneous, and to simply be aware that we are so seamless in this exchange of continuous giving and receiving brings us to the spirit of our original generosity. There's nothing to do but be exactly as we are, mindful that there is only one great belonging for every aspect of the world. Our generosity stems from this belonging, a deep and sure knowledge of our shared existence. Sadly, it seems we have forgotten our spirit of true generosity, viewing life only by means of what's given and not of what we offer in return. Even our breath is seldom considered through its grace of ease and continuous giving. So perhaps there is a practice, a simple remembering of our seamless place within the world, our presence at once a gift of being as well as what we offer. My own practice is early morning silence, pre-dawn, everything hushed, listening...

remembering happens on its own.

stillness, the quiet morning, reminds me of my presence. 

the world tells me I belong.

and grateful, I give myself away...

seamless once more. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Thy Will B Done

Thy will be done: 

thy will be done - and this being just a simply prayer of letting go of my illusion of control, not as surrender to a far off god, but to life itself and how it flows with my own best interest in the currents of its stream. I use these because they're familiar, prayed a thousand times through my youth, and now it seems they come to me with new meaning, fresh, alive, and with a different perspective to my surrender. There is no god in this equation, nor is there an absence of belonging to something greater than myself - there's only life and every aspect of its offer. 

as life...

thy will be done.

this is a prayer of being powerless, yet not of a life without power - it's clearly seeing that there is no true force of personality that controls life, that ego only believes itself in charge, an imaginary figure at the wheel. Thy will be done gives it all away, ego and control, letting go of any need to be in charge. It's a surrender to life, not a higher power, but the only power in existence, whatever energy that draws particles to form atoms, molecules in creation of cells, and life to evolve to the point of this awareness. This is what I surrender to, a greater will than my own, an innate intelligence that guides every aspect of nature. 

they will be done is what urges to autumn leaves to fall, it's an early bud that shows itself through the last of winter's snow, and the vibrant green of summer leaves basking in the touch of sun. Everything is a surrender to a greater process, no season has an agenda that excludes life in a new display through every following season. Winter always lets go to spring. This too is exactly where I belong, seasonal in a momentary sense, nothing lasting past the point of my surrender. All that is...changes...being nothing more than life in motion, completely letting go in order to become, continuous.

thy will be done.

and so it is. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Karma

Karma: 

here's a note about karma, a few words of my own reflection for whatever that might be worth. It's a word I hear quite often now, a popular concept that has little to do with the actual meaning any longer. Today, in western thought, it's largely regarded as punishment and sometimes reward, another means of stating the golden rule of treating others as we would like to be treated. I often see people post on social media their belief in karma and that punishment will be dealt for another's infraction. The actual meaning of karma is lost now as popular jargon, no longer recognized in original terms. 

the word itself simply means action and in most spiritual traditions of its practice implies a cause and effect approach to life, with deeper implications as to how long the effects may linger. What we are now is the result of karma, actions of previous moments have shaped our lives to this particular point and what actions we perform now will add to the karmic effects of our lives to come. Of course there's more subtle meaning to this as well, with each tradition offering their twist to this definition. 

personally, I like to keep karma to it's original meaning and intent, with my life purely being a reflection of every action taken. This is less cause and effect and really just continuous outcome, with no true cause being of any singular origin. I am healthy because I ate well, exercise daily, meet with my physician to discuss options and concerns. I'm mindful of the little things that may have a larger impact on my health, such as flossing and other issues of hygiene. But still sometimes things go wrong, last year gave me several health concerns and I am fortunate to have had them cared for in a timely fashion. Are health issues punishment for past actions? Simply consequences for poor former choices? Or is there a karmic reward of having such great medical care that's denied to so many in this country? 

it's a complex thought system to consider.

or...

it's just life, and that karma is simply it's expression, action taken and displayed, a continuous unfolding of what it is to be alive. Karma is life in bloom as well as wilted flower, how the sky both nourishes a spring seedling to blossom, and a season later offers unrelenting sunlight to its flower. Life works in measured ways, yet mysterious too, and we are not always privy to the means of its constant action. Yet a flower is always in grace to its moment, never punished by consequence of its bloom. It's a display of life, receiving sunlight and rain in whatever perfection is given, rooted to the mutual benefit of earth and its own promise of flowering. 

that's karma.

life.

and we are so very similar to a flower, earth rooted and dependent on what the sky offers. We bloom within proper conditions, nourished by chance and choice, wilting as a season turns. There is no punishment here, and the true reward is life and every moment that we're given. It's all grace, and it's all in motion, action, continuously so...karma...

living. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Allowingness

Allowingness: 

there's no reason for inquiry other than the sheer joy of resting without the need for answers, asking questions that lead only to the certainty of silence. It's the practice of letting go, more so, of finding ourselves surrendered to the unknowable, yet familiar point of simply being. This can't be known through any traditional way of thinking in these terms. It's not an experience of it's own, but rather the allowingness for all experiences to occur. Inquiry leads us here, not accepting any answers, embraced by the silence that follows after asking. 

it's the practice of being who we are...

before there's even a question. 

inquiry is so valuable because it's never ending, a continuous practice of wonder, being the allowingness for questions to appear and answers to shape themselves to the asking. These are questions that ask only for a revelation, to be shown in the immediacy of their request - an example is to pose the most traditional inquiry of them all, asking the question, who am I?

who am I?

and we are immediately revealed by the allowingness of our asking, and by every answer that appears and again by their dismissal. We could ask this question for the entirety of living and still be surprised at the vibrancy of our reveal. There is no ending answer to our inquiry, but there is a finish to our need for asking, our inquiry now being the joy of revelation. It's called a practice, yet really it's simply a process of seeing ourselves through the variance of every conceivable experience. To ask; who am I? is the allowingness to be continuously surprised by the directness of what's shown. We are never left without an answer, it's always exactly the same, and as well as always being mystery, remaining unknowable to be described, only an allowingness of experience.  

it's what we are.

~

Peace, Eric 

Resistance

Resistance: 

our resistance too belongs, that acceptance incorporates every point and aspect of life, everything is included - and even as we resist a current mood or situation it's all accepted in the immediacy of the moment. Nothing stands apart from now. Being aware of this, if only just a little, and there comes a greater ease, relaxing to whatever's found present. 

acceptance is our natural state of being.

this isn't a meek approach to life, it's not resignation to any particular condition or state of mind. Life is far too dynamic for our resign. Acceptance is simply the constantly changing moment, a continuous flow of life in full event. It's not something that we do - but exactly what we are. Of course we find ourselves resisting what's unpleasant, shying from a hurtful memory or emotion. That's not a refusal to accept a present situation, acceptance has already happened completely on its own. It's just our resistance to acknowledge this acceptance, seeing that life has been dramatically altered from our favored course and now requires our attention. 

we act from this acceptance.

that's our only role, really, acknowledging what's present, including our resistance, and acting from this point onward. And even this happens mostly on its own, life continuing in its motion, already and always current to the newness of the moment. Our action is subtle, our acceptance marked by breath and heartbeat, that we somehow continue even as we seem to break apart. Truly, everything belongs, and we are embraced by this acceptance, our resistance too is held, life urging us to carry on. It's all so beautiful, knowing that we are included in life's flow, never once strayed from this belonging. 

it's most truly what we are.

~

Peace, Eric 

Being Told

Being told:

everything's some sort of story being told, it's an easy way to navigate through life and lends itself to a greater understanding of the world. Stories define us, giving sense to events, and providing familiar objects their meaning. We are chapters of family history, bodies being told as functions, personalities expressed in ways that make us individuals - and everything's believed true, no longer stories but the excepted facts of who we are. 

yet stories just the same.

science is a great story teller, and so often serve as a useful chapter of reality to rely on, a narration of events that serves to deepen knowledge, advance the cause of medicine, and bring keener insight to how we view life and understand our place within the universe. But even still it remains a story, a fiction of reality being told for ourselves alone. It's a story with many benefits, yet science will never truly capture any bottom line of reality. It has to always be a never ending story line, adding to it's narration even as its insights are reduced to the subtlest aspects that can possibly be expressed. Science has too many chapters involved and will never be the story of nothing being told as everything. 

and that seems to be reality. 

yet also just another story. 

perhaps that's the essence of reality, the allowing of story lines to unfold and expressed through infinite points of understanding, everything being true, but only for the moment that it's told. We can be aware and bring attention to these stories, seeing how they serve and gaining insight to the ones that seem to cause us harm. That's awakening, seeing our lives as story lines without a true author involved. Our lives are simply stories being told, divinely expressed by the reality of each moment. There is no grand narrator, no one offering any sure direction. 

only stories.

however beautifully told.

~

Peace, Eric  

Devotion

the difference is devotion - I'm not at all dedicated to a certain path, nor practice, at no point finding myself having to perform a certain act that causes me to question its performance. If there is a path for me it's one of joy, completely so, and I surrender to it without complaint or qualm. Devotion plays its key theme through much of my life, from 4:30 a.m. meditation and it's afternoon follow up, to my plant-based diet and exercise routine, and so much more as well. I am often praised for my dedication. Yet done of this is work for me, no effort really given to perform them. I am simply devoted to their practice, enjoying the moment of their action as much as any benefits that come after. 

there is joy in my devotion. 

it's often discussed in certain circles that there is no need for so called spiritual practices for awakening to occur and no reason to continue them once it happens. Maybe so, in fact, I might even say certainly it's true - unless of course there's joy involved, and spontaneity even in what seems routine. There is nothing forced in any of my actions and so sense of seeking taking place. There's just joy expressed in sitting still so early in the morning, matching my silence with the world's. There is a deep and natural happiness in preparing the food I eat, that it's strictly of the earth, and removed as much as possible from the chain of modern agriculture cruelty. And there is so much pleasure found in the rhythm and motion of the body, running and walking through a welcoming landscape, moving in such a way that strength and health are sure to follow. None of this take my dedication, I am devoted to in such a way that it almost seems to happen completely on its own. 

and perhaps, it does.

what's found at even first glimpse of awakening is the absence of any true performer, no doer, only the pureness of the action. It's seen that dedication is an act of habit as much as will, body and mind have traced these favored and repeated things to the depth of cellular memory, through effort and force of will they've become ingrained and near permanent in their fixture. Yet awakening begins to end this as we find there is no self involved with this, only habits are present, ingrained and fixed in place. There is little true joy found here. But this changes with awakening, surrendering happens as a natural course and somethings easily fall away, while others stay in place with a new found in their occurrence. The difference, for me, is of devotion. 

of course this is just my definition, not having to be true to anyone else at all - devotion is the worship of appearance by its natural state of emptiness, it's capacity enraptured by its own fullness, seamless through display and origin. Devotion is presence, perhaps more truly a noun, while dedication is purely a verb of personal action. My life is filled with joy and devotion. 

and that makes all the difference. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Truly So

Truly so:

truly so, and spontaneous to my notice, finding myself grateful now, and for no obvious reason - that life arrives to me simply as a gift, given so freely and with such ease. This of course is an unearned grace, all that's given as well as their grateful reception, none of this is asked for, not breath, heartbeat, nor the quiet moment of this morning. I'm receiving life, a gift, truly so. Equally as much a gift is to find myself in deep appreciation for all that comes to me, for what's present, and even what seems lost to me now but once was believed mine completely. 

yes, I am grateful for it all.

truly so.

and it is grace, somehow bestowed to me, finding myself astonished by the ease of breath, knowing that my heart functions without my conscious effort, listening to my body's rhythm and hum of clear perfection. Even through recent health concerns my body was a gift of function, capable, and carried me to the point where vitality returned. My body will be present to very last breath, and then returned to dust and elements, molecules, atoms, and particles that will regather as something else entirely. Right now it's a miracle to just exist at all, finding myself aware of how fragile this gift, and how the cosmos aligned so perfectly for this to even come to pass. 

how could I not find myself grateful?

this moment, so quiet now, early before dawn, and I'm thankful to be given words and inspiration, the time to write these thoughts down and share it with whomever comes to read them. We have this moment together, across whatever time and space there seems to be between is. I am grateful for your presence, that you are part of this great participation of life we have. It's all such a gift...

truly so. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Everything's Forgiven

Everything's forgiven:

everything's forgiven through grace, instantly, and without any effort to remember to remember even our slightest hurt nor deepest wounds. It's a natural process of life, to move on towards the agenda of living, carrying scars of past encounters without malice given in return. We are meant to grow wiser, to leave bitterness behind and continue through the grace of each encounter. In truth, everything's forgiven in the very moment that it happens and only memory serves to hold us to the point of previous actions. Life itself always carries on. 

of course crimes are punished, and with wisdom gained we have the ability to be wary of future trust for those who've cause us harm. Forgiveness doesn't mean allowing ourselves to be harmed. What it is, most truly so, is harmony, being in accord with life's motion, and living with the grace that each moment offers as it continues without grudge nor concern of any future encounters. None of this means that we forget anything, anyone, who may have cause us harm. It simply means that we refuse to allow our precious energy to be wasted by the past. Life has already forgiven, already continuing in its flow of new beginnings. 

everything's forgiven through grace, our only role in this is to remember ourselves as life, an aspect of its continuation. Grace is bestowed, mysteriously and yet intimate to our essence. We are place in its care, always held near by its presence. There is no need to invoke grace, no reason to call out for our forgiveness, nor to ask that others to spared our anger and resentment. It's happened already, forgiveness in the very moment of transgression. 

that's grace.

yet rituals are helpful, providing us the energy to remember that life continues in its flow, never static, and that we've been carried by its currents. So we ask to be forgiven, we pay penance for past actions and seek ways to heal our present wounds. We seek grace. But these are all ways of returning is to the present moment, right now, where everything's forgiven. To complete any ritual only takes presence, to acknowledge this moment as reality, nothing needed outside the time that we've been given. It's always, and only now, an instant already holy and forgiven. 

~

Peace, Eric  

My Surrender

My surrender:

it's not my surrender - I'm not willful in an sense of this, at no point do I let things go and accept any present situation. Yet it happens, completely on it's own, and through effort on my part. That's how life occurs, continuous in its stream of acceptance, each moment being more of an allowing flow that opens to infinite possibilities through time. It's the cause of my surrender, life, that I'm alive and participate fully in its flow. 

my surrender happens on its own.

and this too is cause for my faith, of knowing that life simply opens to whatever's present now, and that my every response is also suited to the moment, belonging to the seamless order of its flow. I'm not the one who arranges nor surrenders to any of this, but somehow too I find myself a seamless part of it all, intimate in life's acceptance and continuation. 

my faith is found through this belonging. 

it's often asked about the role of responsibility, if not the cause of conditions, nor of my surrender, is it a refusal to come to terms with events that may seem to be my actions? It's a careful answer, and I can only say that once surrendered, responsibility no longer comes to play as a meaningful term. There's only acceptance, a gentle and easy seeing that things can only be as they are now, and that the present moment offers me a time of full participation. Life happens - and I am simply part of its events, an occurrence too, and somehow finding myself aware that I belong fully and only to this present situation. There is no one found apart from any aspect of life's flow to solely be responsible, it's all too dynamic, ever changing, and continuous for anything or anyone to ever truly be in fault. 

there's is no to be held one responsible, nothing to blame...

only life, happening,

continuously. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Everything Shines

Everything shines: 

that everything shines in this way, life in essence being light, available, and seen through the softness of our gaze. We see this in each other, our connection, our source found and shown together as a common bond. It's what we are, light itself, shining, existing through form and being. 

light is soul, not really ours as individual consciousness, but all of life, everything shines in this way, reflections of a single light shared between objects of the world, all made in essence by light, energy in creation of life. 

everything shines in this way. 

light brought energy to the world, we are the perfect distance from the sun to flourish and first organisms embraced it as their means to thrive. We exist now through the clever photosynthesis of early life, microbes basking in the giving light, absorbing sun to their very essence, and through this came a biodiversity of life, an ecosystem of invitation for other forms to evolve and share this light. 

of first vibration there was light, God's spoken words. 

"let there be light" 

our metaphor is darkness, completely absent of light, an absolute void of no creation - and then from some source there is the world, awareness, our sure sense of being alive. Let there be light, it's our prayer of every moment, to see ourselves truly as our own source of being. We are god's of our own creation, proclaiming ourselves to existence by seeing this source as a singular point of origin. True light is only in this very moment, right now, and our every prayer is simply a request to see that everything shines in this way, sunlit by existence. 

even God asked for light to show itself this way. 

indeed, everything shines. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Purpose

Purpose:

it was to have a purpose, an underlying reason to know my existence had meaning and importance - that seemed to be the cause of all my years of discontent, deep down, just a wish to believe that I belonged to something greater than my own concerns. It seems my life's inquiry was to ask why am I here? Perhaps it's the question that drives us all to some extent and that we latch on to popular ideals of purpose, believing that we're here to fulfill a certain career or self-important role. Maybe we are. For many years I envied those who felt so sure on such matters, being secure in their reasons and position, knowing that their lives had a greater meaning. I always felt adrift, somehow not fully belonging to the world, without a true and worthy reason to belong. 

and yet I see now how ridiculous my beliefs were.

there has never been a point that I haven't belonged, and each and every moment is the revelation of my life's purpose, full of any meaning I assign, and of great ad real importance to the world. To ask why am I here is instantly answered by a following breath, or reply of heartbeat, any sensation gives assurance that I'm here to feel and know myself as alive, existing for the sole and lovely purpose of simply being. My dharma is existence, a soul path that leads only and always to this moment, nowhere else, no divine point of any meaning greater than right now. 

it's a beautiful place to be.

and honestly, I have no idea how I found myself here, released by the demands to justify my existence. The best that I can say is that I woke up, and that I'm continuously waking from the ordinary dream of purpose and meaning. This isn't to say that I've transcended any aspect of life, but only that I no longer find myself trapped in the self-judgement of how I should belong. What I woke to was the utter simplicity of the world. I belong. Everything and everyone belongs. It's that easy, really, whatever is, right now, belongs. That's it. There's nothing to prove with this, no debate of value or measure of importance. My inquiry is still asking the question why am I here...  

yet now the world answers,

and tells me I belong. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Internal Artist

Internal artist:

it's that we're more an internal artist, thoughtful in meaning and purpose, and the world created through our minds. Everything written here was first a thought, no matter how subtle at first appearance and mysterious in its arrival. Whoever reads this now adds to it, lending their own interpretation, seeing it in the original light of their own understanding. 

this is our collaboration.

and it's the same with every object, that we provide beauty to everything seen and meaning to all that's heard. Our thoughts are instruments of something divine, as if our essence is bare, ready, waiting for whatever interpretation the mind provides. We remain empty, spacious, serving as capacity until thoughts arrive, and only then does the world gain measure and labels, our internal artist creating a landscape more truly of the mind than actuality. In this light the world is mostly an illusion, real in a certain sense and substance, but not with any inherently true meaning. The world too serves as capacity, appearing from an empty source, remaining so at essence, and lending itself to our design. 

this all happens so seamlessly, not even a slight distinction should be made from internal artist to the world, that everything happens at once and without any true distinction. There is no artist without display, and no landscape without the mind. It's all one thing really, beauty belonging as a reflection of the seer, music only existing as the essence of a listener. Beauty and music being so seamless in experience as to not be even noted until the moments gone and only then claimed to be seen or heard. This world is the creation of an internal artist, empty of any true design of its own, serving as capacity only for interpretation, reflection, no purpose other than our own revelation. 

and that it all appears at once, one thing really, capacity, artist, and design.

~

Peace, Eric 

Bare-line

Bare-line:

it's not just things, or conditions to be thankful for, but that we have the capacity to feel ourselves alive, aware of every present situation, and able to respond in a heartfelt manner. We are grateful for the bare-line of our existence. Anything else is pure bonus. 

to be grateful is really just a recognition of this bare-line existence, we could call it our sense of beingness, that we are alive and aware. Our lives start with this capacity, our basic void of anything but life itself, breath and heartbeat, vital functions of our survival. From this point forward we inherit the qualities of life we come to treasure, knowing such things as beauty, love, and the small delights of everyday living. Our lives gain purpose and meaning. Yet we also find complications throughout life, experiencing loss and seeming failure, we suffer deep sorrows. 

that's just how life unfolds, full of every possibility.

but always we remain as capacity, that bare-line of existence playing host to our every experience. That's the starting point of gratefulness, here, our being able to experience anything at all, our aliveness. To know loss is to also have once cherished, to fail means we have dared for something bolder than before, and sorrow simply accompanies life through all its motion, everything continuously changing even as we seek to hold things for just a moment longer. Sorrow is the bittersweet taste of life. To know all this, deeply so, intimately, is to be alive, tasting sweet as well as bitter, everything that life offers. That's the bare-line of all we're grateful for. 

perhaps it's better said that we're simply grateful, not for, and not too anything specific. Just grateful by our very nature, being capacity to experience every facet of life, aware and appreciative of the detail of our existence. We remain bare-line, open, and life continues to flow in bittersweet flavors. We are grateful to taste all that's ever offered. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Expressions of Life

Expressions of Life: 

the core message, in most everything I write, is that we're expressions of life, an aspect of worth and charm, but in no way separate and living apart from the source. It's here that I feel a distinction must be made, with the source being life itself, not a far off heaven of our creation, simply here and right now, that each moment we appear from mystery. This is the basics of reality and anything else is speculation and story - we know only our aliveness, that we're aware, a certain sense of being present. Our stories help inform us of the world, yet aren't absolute in any true value. They're always upgraded for a better understanding of the world and even greater achievements in science and technology. But stories still through every telling. 

here's the important factor, the key words above are that we're expressions of life - though it often seems that we take our place with more self importance and less humility than deserved. Somehow we've gained the belief that we are masters of the world's domain, not aspects of life, but of greater value than anything else. This is the idea of being a self, a separate identity of our own apart from other aspects of life. With this we no longer feel nor believe ourselves as an expression of life, unique in present beauty and merit. We now measure our worth by accumulation of status, money, power symbols of our importance that have little meaning once that particular story is gone. This isn't to dismiss any of our achievements, nor to ignore the importance of any of these things within our present story. 

it's simply to urge us to remember who we really are.

that we're expressions of life, aspects of equal value to every other expression now appearing too - and all in such beauty, a symmetry of life in fullness and pleasure of being expressed. We are not the grand creators here, no part of this display of life is of our doing. But we belong to it, an aspect of the whole affair, and that's our greatest value yet...

life, 

expressed exactly as we are. 

perfect. 

~

Love, Eric  

To Note

to note my own appearance - and not just described as to how I may look to others, or even my own reflection shown by mirror. Most importantly is that I appear at all, that I am best told as an event of infinite actions through incalculable spaciousness. Quantum physics is perhaps my best description and even this fails to the question of why I happen, not of my purpose, but as to the most basic point of how these events add up to my existence. 

physically yes, to note my own appearance is a process of science, fairly simple even through the complexities of these actions. That I am made of cells that operate in vast communication for the process of my body, and every cell is made of molecules that serve in providing energy for their structure. This is the story of my body as told by biology, of course the entire operation is much more complex than my words convey. I am not a scientist, clearly, just curious as to the actualities of my existence. Does biology tell my full physical story? Or am I better described as a chemical reaction, continuously storing and using energy for my life to even happen? 

still on another, deeper layer yet...

 and now we come to my quantum story, growing more subtle, mysterious through description - it's here that I'm expressed as atoms, the basic composition of all matter, everything appearing solid consists of ever smaller things, and even atoms are composed of particles that swirl in energetic structures. Some particles, such as quarks and electrons are believed to be fundamental in their composition, nothing smaller existing at all. So to note my own appearance is to see the smallest of all observable structures, beyond this and it might be imagined that I cease in my existence, nothingness really, simply and only space - yet this spaciousness is essential, allowing by it's very nature, seamless in it's hold of even the tiniest wave of my existence. Truly, my story is told through every level, a reality of cells and molecules, atoms, particles, and whatever sheer energy that sparks them into being. To note my own appearance is to be inclusive to everything seen, as well as the emptiness of their belonging.  That anything appears at all is still a mystery...

so perhaps my story can't really be told.

but only expressed by simply being. 

~

Peace, Eric 

 

By Virtue of My Commitment

By virtue of my commitment: 

it's not often that I write about my own meditation practice, or even write of meditation at all. Yet it's been a profound and essential part of my life for several decades now, practiced twice daily and seldom in this time have I ever missed a session. I don't mention it often on my blog for the sake of clarity, it's my practice, personal, and helpful in navigating the circumstances of my own life. Does it lead to awakening, or self-realization? Well, I'll leave that for others to discuss and debate, as the question itself has little meaning to me. It's the practice itself that holds meaning and importance, and I've found it worthwhile for a very long time now. That's enough for me, nothing else has to be proven or discussed. It's a sacred practice by virtue of my commitment and the grace bestowed. 

my meditation practice, with a few side roads taken before and after learning, it Primordial Sound Meditation, a mantra based process from the Vedic tradition, very similar to Transcendental Meditation. In fact I was exploring options for attending a TM class when I stumbled upon the option of PSM and it appealed to me instantly, with cost being an honest deciding factor for me. Of course I was familiar with it's founder Deepak Chopra and was a reader of many of his books, and this was a draw for me as well. I'm fortunate to have made this choice and have been happy with this practice since first use in 1999. It's been a long time now. 

meditation itself was a means of healing my dependence on alcohol, and the practice of Primordial Sound Meditation helped steer me through those early years of sobriety when my life was so fragile, surrendering to the vibration of my mantra led me to a healing silence. It also opened doors of creativity that were long dormant, a new form of poetry issued from my mind, almost channeled in the devotion that it offered. As with meditation I write daily and have not missed a single say of writing in over 20 years now, words arrive in similar fashion as my mantra, easily, and without effort or stress. Writing, for me, is a sacred practice too, and also by virtue of my commitment and the grace bestowed. 

it all ties together, life is seamless in this way. 

many friends, awakening, or feeling now fully realized, have dropped their practice, and some never had one at all they tell me. I'm happy for them all. Life has the means to take us in infinite directions and everyone has their own course to explore. My own path is one of joy, not always of course, there's my share of sorrow, suffering through loss, depression, and the countless issues that life brings to every door. Yet meditation offers me an avenue of silence to surrender to. By no means an escape, sorrow touches too deep to be ignored, but the stillness to accept it all, unfettered, open to life through its every expression. That's my path of joy, surrendering to what's present, giving myself permission to sit in the silence of early morning and watch as it meets my interior world, unfolding still through the course of day. It's magical, I love to approach it each day, even after all these years, always fresh, a new surrender with every breath and every fade of mantra to its silent hold. Yes, it's a sacred practice, if only by virtue of my commitment and the grace bestowed. 

~

Peace, Eric 

What Happens

What happens: 

there seems to be quite a few terms for what happens, such as awakening, self-realization, and some may even claim enlightenment and fully fulfilled in this awareness. I have no idea about any of this and have long since abandoned any quest for certain titles or states claiming any sort of higher consciousness. Of all the terms mentioned I like awakening the best, it's more aligned to a process, not a finished nor fixed position at all. Yet in a sense even to say that I'm awakening is misleading, it's a comparison of events, saying that I've moved beyond a past belief or former state of mind. 

what happens, at least it has for me, is just a quit shift of wonder, that the present moment holds every answer ever previously searched for, and my energy is not dispersed to a wider sense of seeking. I am content in the moment and what's revealed to me right now, whatever it may be, from the grief of losing my father, to the easiness of watching squirrels playing in my yard. The world opens for my participation, no mere observer here, but a deep sense of belonging to it all, everything, whatever capture my attention is a revelation of importance. 

what happens is life, just this, a seamless inclusion to the world. 

yes, in this light it could be seen and called awakening, continuously so, life is always offering itself in new ways to be explored, and nothing is excluded. There are states of consciousness that still entice me, the ecstasy of bliss in meditation, expansion of my true connection to the world. But nothing compares to the grace and ease of simply being alive, of knowing that I belonging exactly as I am now without a single change of mind. What happens is a calm acceptance of not knowing anything as a certain truth at all, and being open to explore what every moment offers. 

it's happening right now.

~

Peace, Eric