Blood Pressure

Of blood pressure: 

through much of his adult life my day struggled with high blood pressure, medication, some diet modifications and he did pretty well until a stroke several years ago. Still he recovered and made some adjustments and continued on. Now at 94 and suffering congestive heart failure we are struggling to keep his heart pumping oxygen through out his body. As his caregiver I take his blood pressure reading several times a day and smile as my dad mentions the irony of latest battle, a lifetime to lower and last years to raise to a level of sustainability. He has maintained his sense of humor with every turn of health and fortune. 

he thinks it would't be a bad way to go, as far as dying goes. Certainly better than a host of others he's brushed against through life. This would be a gentle nod towards darkness compared to so many other ways 94 years can offer. But neither one of us is ready to let go, not quite, not yet. Soon though, maybe a year, a little longer, perhaps much less. We take the days as we find them.

so I find myself thinking about blood pressure; this morning I sit to write and the theme of this miraculous balance begins playing through my mind. It demands my attention for the moment. Right now my body functions without my single care and exactly no effort of my will. I'm simply alive by the grace of ease and comfort. Yet some innate wisdom directs it all, pulling blood through every vein, urging lungs in draw and release, balancing every delicate function. This very moment. Even in his declining health my father's body seeks this line, differently perhaps, as now this wisdom draws to close. 

it's all pretty amazing, life, and even its conclusion. Oddly enough my dad and I have never talked about what comes after. He was a science teacher, pragmatic in his views. I doubt he believes that anything comes after, this life is final and enough. That's another form of wisdom. His focus is just on the pleasure of each given moment, another morning's joy, and too what it takes to arrive to these moments. There is much suffering in living with congestive heart failure. There is much suffering in living. For all of us regardless of our years. It's simply part of life, a balance to its joys and pleasure. 

my dad expresses none of this, he's not up to date on my latest Taoist wisdom or my philosophy of the moment. He's alive, struggling, but still happy to be home, to draw another breath and see the morning rise to another day and all it offers. He's curious about right now; of his body's effort to find balance to the current topics of the day. He's alive on the very edge of dying. 

and teaches me this lesson. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Adding Wood

Adding wood:

continuously adding wood to the fire - and life does this completely in its own, impersonal, and without malice to its challenge. We all face difficulties. Our role is simple; to live with the grace of every moment, relaxed to whatever response we have to offer. That's all we ever have to do. It's our natural awareness; that we belong to this easy flow of response and challenge, none of it chosen, with life continuously adding wood to the fire.

again, none of this is personal - life never wishes harm, nor seeks anything other than a balance to continue. Our intimacy with life causes a belief that our suffering is real to us alone, deep in its ache, and leaves us question the very worth of our existence. Yet also heals our every wound, perhaps not through obvious means but every hurt of ours is immediately accepted, healed by its capacity to belong. It's this that we bring to our awareness.

through life; nothing is excluded. 

intimacy is our true gift; with it we are near to every point of sorrow, an instant presence to salve and aid in this acceptance. Our hurt belongs to life and to be alive is experience everything that's offered deep and fully without need of an escape. We don't have to carry wood to this burning; sorrow is innate in life and its in no way counter to our joy. Everything belongs as it does, unfolding beyond our concern and care. We are the presence of its ease, acceptance itself, and play no role in how it flows.

we don't choose to add wood to this fire, none of this is our choice. We are simply aware of ourselves as life in full participation with every detail of its flow, presence without any true separation from all of which we hold. We're life, both fire and wood, the burning and remaining ash. None of this is out of place, not our sorrow or response. 

it's all simply what we are. 

~

Peace, Eric 

About God

About God:

occasionally, I write about God - and this is always an evolving concept, a refusal to find belief in any direction or opinion. Just my own sense of mind and heart through every moment. I'm not afraid to examine any idea that seems intriguing, nor to abandon any thought that doesn't serve. I'm not looking for proof of God's existence, there's no search for higher meaning here. It's simply entertaining ideas that linger from a history of personal belief, views from science and philosophy, and most importantly by own current point of being aware. 

with all that said; 

I don't believe in God.

but I'm also not an atheist, nor agnostic either. I'm without label and free of any need to classify myself by term or view. Honestly, I have no view of a higher power, at least not one that's lasting. What I have is a moment to moment deeply felt send of belonging. It's inclusive, at once intuitive and to counter to this as well. What I have is mystery and paradox. 

some might label this God, and at times I'm even tempted - but why bother? There's no need for anything to be more than it is right now. Whatever is found. This very moment I am a swirling spark of particles moving through an infinite space that is also of my own nature. That I am at all is a complete miracle and also quite natural. At this point nothing can be traced to first cause, no grand creator, no igniter to the spark of my existent. I simply am and my mark of consciousness is indeed a mystery. Such a long evolution from a single celled life rising from the sea to find me here. It gives me pause to consider an intelligence that is free of any holder, a randomness that's beyond any sense of mind. This isn't God, but it is the awe and wonder of our own creation. 

it's Einstein's God, and Spinoza's. And too it's just another label. The more I think of things the less I really want to hold on to any point of view or considerations. It's enough to simple be alive, thankful for all that's been give to find myself here. That through an entire cosmos and possibility of complete nothingness - I have this early light of morning, first bite of hot and bitter coffee, birds in song, and this moment to write of just a few thoughts I wish to share. 

indeed, why complicate the matter. 

things are the way they are. 

until they're other.

and through it all; I'm simply grateful. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Of My Doubt

Of My doubt:

of my doubt - and with this I try and stay mindful of beliefs, to cultivate uncertainty with the realization that there is so much to the world that is just unknowable. I include myself to this, belonging as much to mystery as any other point of the universe. Every truth is held as fragile, ready to break at any moment's further revelation. This is my own introspection, examining anything I demand to be certain, each belief that tries to rule my world. 

with doubt - I am free in my surrender.

of course I live my life with much that's taken for granted. There are degrees of doubt and relative meaning to every truth. Reality shows a solid world for my me to live in and yet instantly too everything is largely space and swirling particles. I place my trust in the solid state of reality and the while reside more honestly in the spaciousness of existence. 

my aim is to take the edge off any certainty; to allow mystery to play its role more fully and for grace to find me always ready. With this I hold my demands of life lightly, everything to the point of being let go, surrendered to a greater understanding. I am doubtful of my every wish to be right and certain in situations that are simply beyond my control. 

it's all really pretty simple; nothing has to be just so.

~

Peace, Eric 

Honest Intimacy

Honest intimacy:

oddly, it seems it was through the recognition and experience of an absence of a true and permanent self that a more honest intimacy with myself and all the world became apparent. What appears now isn't argued against; it's an inclusive belonging to even debates of the mind. The world is just accepted and this includes my often wish to change it. Without a true and certain self - everything belongs and everything comes seamless on arrival, intimate, honest.

it seems like permission; that I've been granted the right to simply be exactly what I am through each moment, and with this I'm unafraid to contradict myself, accepting the world through all it's paradoxical wonder.  There is an ease now with struggle, a peace to my sorrow, and pureness to my joy. Nothing is denied. 

it's truly an honest intimacy.

through absence of a self; a personality appears, quirks and idiosyncrasies are known for what they offer. There is no one sure self to present an argument against another. It's all an appearance without need for dismissal, here, for however long its stay. 

and with this too comes intimacy with the world; with nothing out of place things appear seamless in their order, spontaneous to my view. It's all shared, that my own appearance is equal to every other aspect of the world. 

intimate in this belonging.

~

Peace, Eric 

Entropy

Entropy:

against a back drop of entropy, life, and from the very moment of our existence we have this innate knowing that all of this will end. It's the second law of thermodynamics, a measure of our allotted time and energy somehow given. 

we are brief in our expression. 

this gives rise to myths of our position, that we are greater than the sum of all other creation - we build religions to our own beliefs of who we are. Yet this denies us the courage to live fully and love truthfully, robbing us of the urgency that each gifted moment calls for. Everything beyond this single moment is a mystery, uncertain in all but our brief time. No religion grants us assurance and no belief is a promise of our continuation.  Our true testimony is of entropy; that we will cease in this form and function and one day be no more. 

but there is some continuation, for the duration of time and world at least. What we are now at our exact and basic level will carry on, rearranged as life in other aspects. Some atom of existence may one day find itself a blade of grass, the tip of a crow's feather, a seed with potential for many new lives. We return to the nature of our essentialness.  

of course even the universe will end  - there is still the call of entropy at our very core. We are constantly faced with endings. Each small universe of our inclusion is but a temporary stay, a mirage really, imagined as a lasting home. In our minds we're persistently rebuilding a sense of safety, constructing an imagined fortress to hold entropy at bay. Yet all we really need is just a bit of courage, to face our letting go as the true miracle of our existence. 

nothing endures forever. 

brief, and brilliant too; that we are right now, existing bright within the world. It's our temporary stay that gives meaning to this all. We are the providers for the qualities of every moment; the heart that aches in loss, eyes that shine in first love, and awe that something as brief and fragile as ourselves belongs to a universe so large. It's all the courage of simply living, no hope of anything more than we're given right now. Against the backdrop of entropy; indeed, we are brief and brilliant. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Of Our Existence

Of our existence:

if we knew of our existence,

as brief,

fleeting,

would we still lend our faith to matters no greater than this moment now at hand? There is no promise of eternity and only death is certain. To believe that something continues, some essence carries on is a matter of philosophy and religion. But life is what we have, tangible, and experienced right now. We have no guarantee of anything lasting past this very moment. If heaven is to be found it's of our own realization, taking place each instant we place value on qualities and people that we cherish. As Saint Catherine of Siena is reported to have said: "All the way to heaven is heaven."

it's this moment that we have.

far from being bleak this is our great awakening, that right now we can love so deep and fully that eternity is brought new and fresh to every moment. To abandon hope of anything enduring is to make our time here meaningful in a truly personal way. Intimacy is a timeless quality that exists when veils of any seeming separation part for our meeting with the world. It's realized now or not at all. To be intimate with any sense of God is not a matter of any distant time in heaven. God is in every detail of the world, through each breath received from air, of trees that cleanse and nourish the sky, and life in every form we share the earth with. 

God is now or not at all.

and it truly doesn't matter - we don't need the promise of anything but our own existence and we have that with each cherished moment. That's the gift of being aware, to know the briefness of all experiences, the tender ache of loss reborn instantly as awe to a new becoming. It all happens so easily, seamlessly, that it speeds by with hardly a notice. We miss the now of heaven and all the while long for a better, fictional world. To be awake is to simply appreciate this moment for all it holds.

if we knew of our existence as brief, fleeting, occurring only now - perhaps we would fine our own self-importance slips by with hardly a notice. We would more truly joint the world, intimate, makers of our heaven. Here. Right now. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Every Bit

Every bit:

we are every bit the universe - our reality isn't separate from what appears; everything we see, hear, and feel is simply our extension experienced as the world. There is no point where we break from any of this. Our breath is no less than sky providing the life of respiration, and we are rooted to earth as deep at any tree. 

we are every bit nature.

this is the contingency of what we are, interdependent through every thread of our existence. To continue we need the complexity of the whole, and all without any true understanding of it all. There is no real science to breath and touch of sun against our skin. No education provides for this necessity and pleasure. We breathe, and bask, and in return we offer our own functions to the world. It's continuous, without effort other than the natural ease of our existence. 

science explains this story well, adjusting itself to every new discovery. Yet the story is lived through our experience, an easy expression of the whole  by virtue of simply being. We are reality told through the story of infinite expressions. Science is one story, vital in its role, offering an explanation of ourselves and our surroundings. Our mind and memories tell another story, pieces gathered through the experience of others. From early on we are told who we are, instructed on who to be, and given beliefs to hold as being true. All without question. But really, it's just another story, a retelling of all we've heard from others and now believed to be our own. 

reality is just a sunlit touch. 

it's the breath.

we are every bit reality, life in it's flow and expressed right now as exactly what we are. It's without story and yet includes every story too. This all happens on it's own. Science doesn't cause a single thing, it's only a useful interpretation of all that happens through its notice. No explanation of what we are gives us a true story of our existence. 

we already know.

every bit,

with every breath and touch of sun.    

~

Peace,

Eric 

New Reality

it's a new reality. Right now. Instant. For me, it's an unwelcome dawn of conditions that have left me bewildered and feeling unprepared to meet these events. But of course there's no choice to this matter and little to do but meet each moment as its given. So I do. Sometimes I manage a bit of grace and find myself at ease in difficult situation. Often I'm near panic even as I appear calm to ease concern for others. A lifetime of meditation practice and what might be called spiritual pursuit hasn't prepared for the role of caregiver for me elderly father. Especially right now as he suffers with acute heart failure. 

a week ago he was much stronger. This last stay in the hospital, a a first in several years, seems to have taken a toll, weakened him to the point of a difficult recovery. There is much he can no longer do and more care for me to offer. That's the new reality, almost full time I need to be available, an adjustment for us both as he loses strength and mobility and I provide what's needed. He's on oxygen for an undetermined length. Maybe always. It's scary for us both. 

yes, meditation does help me, so does yoga and mindful breathing. Techniques are helpful to find a small sense of peace. But those are for me. My father faces this all with only the courage of a struggled breath and a weakened heart. Just a moment at a time. He's bounced back a lot through recent years and there's a possibility of regaining some strength, reducing the need for supplemental oxygen, and living more at ease. He's done so before. But  for now it's simply about a single breath followed by another. For however long he's able. 

it's about the reality of this moment, right now. 

as it is for me - I am not with preparation for this role. I've nursed my father before and tended to my mother as she dies from complication with Alzheimer's. I've been devastated by divorce and loss of friends through disease, suicide and trauma. Many of us have and most will one day face similar sorrow. I'm sorry for us all. Yet my own brokenness has left me with an appreciation for space that truly makes me whole. I'm allowed to suffer, to be afraid and unsure of my strength to meet these conditions. I don't need a technique or teaching to bring to this point of letting go. I'm already here, as prepared and ready as life allows. I meet each moment with all that's available and I have no idea what that will be. This new reality confronts me fresh with every turn. Of course I'm uncertain, scared, and that doesn't need to be any different than it is. Neither do I. 

nor my dad.

we share this new reality together, each moment finding courage, fear, a loneliness of dying and the loneliness too of surviving. These moments are often sharp, painful in their contrast to just days ago when a more certain strength was found. Sometimes we can't help but to compare now to better days. It just seems to be what some moments hold. There's no need to push these thoughts away, to deny anything the access it demands. Everything belongs by virtue of presence and they will pass when their time is due. Nothing need be forced and indeed there is no true way to bring a sense of peace to whatever's found right now. That's the role of grace and it's arrival is completely free of  my concerns and demands. It happens always on its own and yet more often now as I give myself permission to simply be present to all that occurs without bias to their better options.

it's faith, but only in the sense that life has brought me here, my father to this point, because that's what life does - it brings us to another moment, a new reality with every turn, and right now this is where we find ourselves. It can't be anything other than it is. My faith is that brokenness survives within the whole, that healing takes place in the very moment a wound occurs and it's not for me to judge any of this by its appearance. My true and only role is to tend to my fathers needs to the best I'm able, providing presence, care, love. 

with this, I bring the same to my own doubts, fear and concerns. Tending to each moment that feels broken, allowing all that's uncertain. 

it's my true and only role. 

~

Peace, Eric 

 

This Contingency

This contingency: 

contingent - and this is how we truly see the world. That no single thing exists completely on its own, a continuous interdependence that lends itself to the variety of it all. What we see is seamless and ongoing, eternity through each moment. We know deeply of this contingency, it's in our bones and their touch against our own continuation of flesh and air. 

it's literally what we are.

 this is the seal of seeming parts; of how all things are really one in their existence, Nothing stands apart from the whole. It's a story of a seed and its contingency of earth, sun, and rain. There are infinite sources that give themselves for the survival of a seed. With care and hope there may arrive a flower and this too adds to an ongoing story, an inclusion birds and insects for its pollination and their benefit as well. Through this contingency another seed, and the world flowers all the more. We are all in process of giving ourselves away to the aid of something greater still. 

it's the contingency of a seed. 

through it all we see the reality of true love, unconditional to its core. We are seeds in care of others; that our own well being depends on love both received and given. We flower only through attention of the whole, the proper light of sun and clear water, a community of nature. 

everything lends itself to one.

it's reality, seamless, enduring - yet not through an individual existence. Each flower is a unique gift of just a moment. It's true story is the endlessness of seed to blossom, of a bee's touch of pollen and its transfer of continuation. It doesn't matter a flower's brief appearance, temporary and tender in its stay. There is only and always the contingency of its story.

~

Peace, Eric 

Continuous Allowing

Continuous allowing:

this continuous allowing - and it's all I truly find; that every thought, object and event has free reign through my existence. What I am is the acceptance of all things and this includes my contradictions and demands. I am without choice to how life unfolds and unsure of my any response until each moment happens. It's all too spontaneous and free for me to plan. 

yet plans happen, choices are made. 

it's the paradox of living; my every response is entirely of the moment, and even what seems a future plan happens in the immediacy of now. My response is always to any current thought or occurrence. So too with choice; that life offers only a fresh turn of events and I have little (if any) say to how it flows. I am not the one to choose tragedy or even joy, and how I respond is dictated by each situation. But always and exactly in the moment that it happens. 

and so life is a continuous allowing - and I am part of this as well, not separate in anyway. What I find myself to be is capacity for it all, everything, intermingled to the point that life unfolds as my own occurrence. Seamless. That's the truth of emptiness; that it's not void of any sense of being but open as an intimate embrace to all the world. 

emptiness allows.

with this, nothing is excluded, it's the true middle way of being. Without denying anything, I am free as life's response to itself in every way. There's no practice to this, it's not a belief, nor method. It's simply life as my natural involvement, at ease with every paradox and the mystery of each moment. It's a continuous allowing. 

and I belong.

~

Peace, Eric 

Be Emptiness

Be emptiness:

Chuang Tzu instructs: Be emptiness, that is all.

and with ease we follow this instruction, no practice needed to be exactly what we are. Yet for clarity we seek an understanding, a wish to better know our real essential nature. The Great Way only points to the obvious though, urging realization through observation of the subtle ways of the natural world and how we belong to such a perfect order. 

the way is seamless.

to be emptiness, that is all. 

there's no need to complicate this, for me to offer any version of my own. Everything is empty of any true, inherent quality. Including us. The Tao points to nature for it's point to be made, to watch how seasons change in seamless order, a tree's response to each shift without a qualm. To watch a year's passing is to see that nothing is set as permanent, no lasting quality that clings to the way things are. Winter is empty for the possibility of a flowers bloom in spring. A tree refuses to cling to any seasonal condition but simply responds to what each days offers, gradual in its adaptation.  Only by an emptiness of any lasting essence is this allowed.

life is more clearly seen as motion. 

to be included as this is to know ourselves more truly - we are empty too and are served by this for our own seasons of becoming. Through this we are allowed to grow through body and mind, never set to any permanent frame of thought or age. We are free in our response to what life offers, attuned as a creative force to each days opportunity and losses. 

to be emptiness is true freedom.

and again, its already what we are - we're not separate from nature, not apart from any other aspect of life. We're motion, just as clearly seen as any season. Chuang Tzu is asking us to relax and be only what we are at every moment. We are capacity for every situation that arises, openness for events to play through, empty of any true self for the selflessness of our reality to be. All this without effort. 

it's exactly what we are,

right now. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Only Creativity

Only creativity:

there's only creativity, the motion of becoming, constant - life is most truly a verb, nothing is static nor complete. It's all a process without goal and this too includes us. We're an end product still continued, a creative expression of the whole in finite and momentary voice.

yet always an aspect of life.

this is how we're reborn, perhaps countless lives at once - our every atom will again be something else; a flower petal, sunlit, and once essential to our present state. Particles that give us form now may one day shape an elephants ear, become an oceans wave, or remain formless for awhile. We are infinite in our true creative potential. 

and this is so even now.

we are continuously becoming in some new and unique way - a lessening of one aspect to only find ourselves part of something more. We are always life in delivery of itself and even death is simply part of this continuation, a surrender of this particular self and form in order to be embraced again as formless potential, creativity at its source. There is no grand design to this, no intelligence separate from the event themselves. Or at least not that I can find and not one of which science tells. It's possible, but it really doesn't matter from the perspective of where we are now. That's a faith that's separate from the moment, a hopeless hope of being saved from what we are.

we're life.

there's no need to hope to be anything more this - that we're gifted right now to be alive, everything exact and perfect for our existence. We are creativity at play, becoming from the endless process that brought us to this point and even now arranges our surrender. There is absolutely nothing we need to do for any of this to be. 

it's all completely given. 

~

Peace, Eric 

My Color Blue

My color blue:

of my color blue, personal, and belonging to just my vision alone - this is how the world is known; that each of us brings a unique note of perspective from our senses, matched in agreement with others but no idea if blue is the same between us. 

indeed, it's a personal world.

it's all first light, a spectrum of potentiality waiting for our perception. We bring color to the world, measuring wavelength of reflected light and instantly perceiving shades of what it offers. We translate the world from its potential, a response of emotional accord we all agree on. Yet still every hue belongs to each of us alone. 

our experience of color remains a mystery. 

and more subtle still, it's all about experience -of how this translation of light helps us navigate through life, bringing meaning, beauty and awe to our surroundings. My color blue is an infinite invitation of appearance; allowing rays of yellow sun to reach across its expanse, a drift of white in a clouds passage, the flight of birds through every shade that nature offers. My own imagination soars and reaches to its very depth. I am awash in blue and sky and wonder. 

it's my color blue.

life allows us meaning, providing only the emptiness of its own motion, events that are impersonal in their consequence. We see it all in first light, primordial, and translate it to a personal world. We bring color, information, shading our response. Everything comes to have meaning. 

it's now a personal world. 

~

Peace, Eric

 

Relations

Relations: 

of relations - and this is how our world becomes. It's that everything is measured by interactions, an intermingling of observer and observed, so intimate as to really be one existence. With this the story of the world is told, of our entanglement, nothing left unaffected by the presence of another. It's all aspects of the whole playing in divide. 

of course it's all more seamless than described. 

to read these worlds demands the presence of screen or page. It's an emptiness that lends itself to potential meaning. This is the first entangled. It's my approach to the page, my intent to add thoughts that furthers this as an invitation for others to be involved. Once read it's now our story, an entanglement of page, words, meaning and our presence. For this story to exist every aspect must be involved. 

it's the same with all the world. 

our very eyes are the cause of blue - the sky itself exist without hue until observed. We bring color to the air and in return are gifted by the radiance of a sunlit sky framed by brilliant blue. It's all about relations, and everything belongs to this involvement. The story of the sky includes our perception. Without us an entirely different story's told. 

or perhaps no story at all. 

it's an interdependence of things, objects and events, that cause the world to be. Nothing truly exists completely on its own. This is the inherent emptiness of any one thing. It's all an intimate entanglement of being, impossible for one thing to be removed and still find the world as whole. We are key to this relation, belonging to the story. 

essential. 

~

Peace, Eric 

With Questions

With questions:

and it's left me more with questions - seeing doesn't answer anything, no part of mystery is revealed as being true and certain. It's the quality of my questions that have changed. What I ask now is more from wonder, curious that something has occurred at all. There is less need to know of why, no demand that answers be provided to give reason for my sorrow. 

life remains a mystery. 

yet seeing does provide a subtle understanding of things; that life is at once impersonal and intimate, suffering happening to us all, but so too the gift of healing. Life simply happens without bias. This removes any demands to be treated in a certain way. I am not immune for any aspect of life, and questioning why there is hurt, sorrow, or even joy, will at best lead to temporary belief to sooth my wounds and ease my mind. 

but nothing is really answered. 

my questions now lead me to explore the world - it's not about finding answers but seeing where an inquiry leaves me. It's always mystery, a state of not knowing, and more to relax without a constant need for answers. What I investigate is my own seamless nature; how awareness so easily flows from my attention. To see a flower's blossom through this conscious lens and understand it as my own bloom as well. It's a perfect understanding. Is it true? For that moment, yes, it's true for me. Ultimately, I only know of moments, gathered as a life. 

with questions - curios and alive, 

I simply am. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Just As Real

Just as real:

just as real - and having seen the illusory nature of self and world, that it all exist as mostly space and stories; there is now again a return to substance, reality being true to both illusion and the appearance of a solid world.

it's how we navigate through life, an embrace of paradox and curiosity. That we exist at all is cause to wonder, such gratitude for simply being alive and belonging to this intricate web of existence, with each strand leading to infinite possibilities of what life offers. There is no denying that this is real, that it's of value and meaning - even as we see the fleeting, unsubstantial nature of it all. 

we are not dream characters that wander through an uncertain mirage - and just as true we are not as sure and solid in appearance. That's our paradox. We are reality, and with this comes spaciousness as well as a rise to seeming form and function. Nothing is more real than this. So there is no cause to choose a belief that holds us purely as an illusion. It's true, but not completely. As well there is not total faith in the solid nature of the world. 

our view is more complete, whole, inclusive. 

with this we are led to the middle way - reality being unsubstantial by it's very nature, an interpenetration of ideas, events of quantum circumstance, emptiness dancing to an appearance of form. Yet it's given us a world, seemingly solid and enduring. We embrace both this opportunity of being alive and acting in accordance with a physical world, as well as the deep knowing of its temporary form and our own illusory nature.

it's all just as real, and not so too. 

the paradox of being. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Without Exception

Without exception: 

without exception - it's what the Buddha taught, that each of us will one day reach a point of sorrow, living  through the tragedies that life will offer. No one escapes this. Yet he also taught a path to reduce this suffering, means to be free of the attachments that lead us despair. Of his Eightfold Path we come to only this, that without exception life is filled by events of loss and sorrow, tragedy will touch us all. We're in this world together, bonded by common thoughts of brokenness, as well as the joys that heal us. No one truly suffers alone. 

without exception. 

this is something with need to be transcended, there is no path away from sorrow. What there is a spaciousness that provides a certain sense of ease, an interior peace that holds our every wound. We are not untouched suffering, but we are unmarred by its passage. The Buddha's message was to see and relate to this spacious understanding. That we are not free of suffering but more truly free of the one who suffers. 

our reality is one of capacity, no aspect of life is held apart from our awareness. Suffering happens, loss seems to diminish our joy. It all occurs though this aware capacity, our own allowing nature. Nothing escapes this seamless hold. It all belongs as life. Everything. Yet this isn't my capacity alone, it's ours, a shared belonging. Yes, suffering happens, appearing, lingering sometimes far too long. Our role isn't to deny its presence but to participate in the healing of our wounds, accepting hurt as the paradox of what we deeply love. We heal by this acceptance. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Shadow Work

Shadow work:

and Jung called it the shadow, all our darkness as well as light not owned, nor even recognized and then projected to the world. It's living by reaction, triggered by our own fear of being truly whole. For wholeness to exist means there is no human quality that doesn't belong to us in some degree. To embrace our shadow is to find ourselves whole, complete. 

exactly as we are. 

this seems the opposite of the Vedic Neti Neti inquiry, to negate all we believe ourselves to be by process of eliminating common identifications as "not this, not this" and finding the inherent emptiness of our nature. Yet it's not so different than owning our shadow, it's similar work really, as finding ourselves empty of projections leaves us free to embrace all that arises through the capacity of our hold. It's at once not this, not this as well as full acceptance of all we are. We are free to find and accept ourselves as simply human, both shadow and light. 

emptiness, and completely full. 

whole. 

shadow work is simply seeing, and owning what appears - in someway, everything is a projection of the mind. To observe a tree is to instantly tell ourselves a story of every tree we've seen before. We largely ignore the newness of this particular tree, it's fresh appearance to our view. In reality everything is always first sight, as if never seen before. Each tree arrives to us with and without story, a paradox, and completely true. It's same with who we are, free of story, and yet a history of all we've long believed ourselves to be. The only real work is to no longer deny any quality that appears. It doesn't have to be true, again it's a paradox of being - if it appears it belongs to us, existing even if an illusion. But this ownership frees us, as if by claiming any quality, darkness or light, there is no need for it to gain any lasting purchase. It's recognizing a quality as an appearance, no real substance, yet perhaps useful in how we navigate through the world. 

ours in service. 

  with this we recognize and reclaim our projections - freeing ourselves from long held stories. We're whole, even as we're healing from beliefs of being broken. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Of Between

Of between:

there is no true measure of between, no moment that stands apart from the space of its caress - reality is far to seamless, to fluid, for us to find anything other than a continuous becoming through the various guise of form as well as the defining grace of its formless nature. What's thought of as between is nothing less than the potential for the world to be.

everything lends itself for the sake of something other.

or at least by appearance. 

reality shows that the world is less than solid, being spacious and energetic by structure. A flower is different than air by matters of degree, a simply arrangement of the infinitely small gathered for the sake of form. It's the Heart Sutra demonstrated by the beauty of design. A flower somehow given gain in its appearance. Yet never truly different from the air of its surrounding. 

it's true for us as well, owing our existence as much to space as to the form we so easily rely on. We too are energy in arrangement, a structure touched by an endless reach of emptiness as our source. There is no between found, no point of our departure for formlessness to be found. It's all right here, seamless still, and existing always as the whole. 

of between - and really this is simply a gift given as distinctions. It's so a flower can be known, so existence can show itself through the appearance of more, other, and the infinite possibilities of its creation. Life is the art of form arranged by the emptiness of its true nature. All made possible by the illusion of between. 

~

Peace, Eric 

This Moment

This moment:

this moment I'm aware, gifted with life, bookend by mystery. Before this, unborn and without recollection, nothing. There will be a time of my return, slipping again to whatever this secret holds. I just don't know and offer no speculations. 

it's enough to be aware. 

there is some belief that this continues, lasting past the point of death, conscious and remaining so. Many hold this as true and perhaps it is. There is a great wish for absolutes. Yet if everything were to be extinguished now - there would be this one last precious moment of aware. That's the secret, it's what mystery really offers.  

right now. 

this is all so easy and natural it's taken for granted - and indeed it has been granted, given by some grace without my ever asking. It's all a somehow moment. That life offers me the capacity for breath and an entire sky from which to draw from. More so, with each breath I can know the air of my connection, aware that I belong with every certainty of a bird in flight. The sky is my home too, even from the ground, and my every breath will tell me this is true. It's all so perfect, somehow. 

and it's why I'm without need for absolutes, curious, yes, but not driven to hold a belief that won't be proven. I have the mystery of right now to be explored, how life offers me an entire world, right here, as if an extension of my very skin. To be aware is to know the intimacy of existence, nothing is truly far away, everything that counts is immediate, here, and always so. 

as with every gift, there is no promise this will last. All of life is fleeting, and my assumption is that each moment found aware is as well. It's to be cherished. To lend myself to any belief of absolutes, no matter how convincing, holds me to a falsely given promise. I am sure of right now, of my existence, a breath of air, and presence of the world. 

I'm aware. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Of Care

Of care:

of care, and it returns to simply this - that through seeing our own belonging there's naturally space for others as well. Everyone and everything belong. This is a perfect acceptance, exact, and holds room for our own judgments, our demands for change, and impatience for the pace of others. Nothing has to be found different than it is right now. 

it's an easy message, that everything belongs. 

this isn't a practice, it's just the natural way that life unfolds. The present moment is always accepted, through whatever tragedy it may holds, however deep our grief or sadness. Even our desperation for things to be somehow other than they are is held in this compassion and readily accepted. Life always allows without bias. 

if we know this, remembering, we become more tender in response to others. We know of wounds that are unseen because we've bled them too. That life has allowed our hurt and suffering, doesn't diminish our care, and we extend ourselves in whatever heartfelt manner that we're called to. Life aligns us to compassion, to be of aid to those in need. If there's a practice it's gained though simply being alive, broke and opened by the full spectrum of all life offers. Through this we again, constantly, return to love, healing to the very moment of our wounds. 

this isn't something that we do, it's done through our surroundings and by our surrender. Life heals itself in manner that may not be of our choosing. Our only role is to live, to simply be, and continue in our response to life. 

it's all there is to do. 

~

Peace, Eric 

How Things Seem To Be

How Things Seem to be:

it's just science, a deep and thorough explanation on how things seem to be. Our world is explained by science but given meaning by experience, how life is personal for each of us alone. Yet these ideals are not opposed, but virtually the same. We live the science of our first experiences, an exploration into the unknown of every moment, testing aspects of life through repeated encounters. 

it's all science.

and it's all a story - from our own interpretations of each moment, our experiences, and mystery of simply finding ourselves alive within the vastness of what life holds. To science too and it's its story of how this might have come to be. Both are precise in testing the premise of their story. We come to believe that an experience holds meaning not by repetition but through contemplation, measuring it against a daily routine, of how it seems to be an entirely different material than the ordinary matter. We come to terms with a new version of reality and adjust our stories accordingly. Science does as well. Our lab is a bit more personal, and science seemingly more remote in making its observations. 

but not really. 

everything is personal, and science is nothing more than what's happening now. We are an experience of the Big Bang itself, the universe expanding through the process of our being. We are subatomic particles, space, somehow found aware. There is only one ecology, a continuous landscape of breath and air, of ocean and its seamless touch to shore. It's all and only one thing becoming in the appearance of another. It's all personal. Science can't be removed from this, it's within the story that we're constantly telling by process of being alive. As well, our every experience is valid in how it serves. Contemplation, testing through our own growing understanding, and the story may one day be revised. That's our personal science. 

life, ongoing, always

~

Peace, Eric 

Of The World

 Of the world:

of the world about me, nothing distant found, but all immediate as my unfolding. This is my participation with every aspect of life, that it occurs through me as much as I'm a witness to it's flow. Everything belongs at once, from the insects that come in flight and hover just above a flower, to the warm touch of sun against my skin, and birds calling near - I am not separate from any of this, not the smallest event of any life, nor the largeness of the sky in its embrace. 

 there is no world apart from me.

through this there is compassion - that every life is a wish of its own, yet still belongs as an equal aspect of the whole. My care extends without direction, finding consequence in every detail brought to my attention. It's all sacred ground, holy of life and its events. 

and I am just a part of it, a holy aspect too.

of the world about me, and really it's more seamless than can be told. It's all of shifting perspective, from belief of my own center of importance to a true seeing that there is no real center. Everything belongs in equal importance from the point of its existence. 

everything, simply belongs. 

in this light; there is no world about me, just life, and my own sense that right now I am at play within the vast landscape of all I truly am. To another shift I might find a different point, of a witness to what unfolds, separate by a bit of observation. But not right now; for this moment I am at play within and as the world, seamless, belonging. 

whole. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Authentic To The Moment

Authentic to the moment:

so too our own struggles, and our sorrow, and every instant filled with pain - they all belong, authentic to the moment they occur. Suffering shouldn't be discarded as an experience that happens only to those not yet awake. Life comes with loss, of loved ones gone in a time too soon, and our own point of when health may take a sudden turn, or age fines us in decline. We all suffer. 

Buddha never offered an escape. No matter how enlightened pain and loss exist. There is a claim that this is aside from suffering, once the illusion of the self is seen that there is no longer anyone present to experience sorrow. Maybe. But I find that a hollow claim. 

as a caregiver for my elderly father I am keen to his loss - through the last years spent without his wife of fifty years, how each day brings a subtle change of what he once could do and now becomes more and more a struggle. He struggles mainly in good cheer, optimistic still of the things he's capable to accomplish. He's had a long life, a good life, and one that's seen a time of depression, war, political upheaval, and great social changes. He's lived. 

there's has never been a need to escape any of this - not for my father, not for any of us. My own experience isn't that suffering lessens through seeing the falseness of the self. In fact it's felt all the deeper now, having no purchase, pure to the moment it belongs. No, I don't suffer any less, yet I see the wisdom of staying present to my sorrow. This, of loss, pain, sadness or joy, is simply what the moment holds. 

nothing is denied.

 what I find is that my response too is authentic to the moment - with little thought applied, and just the care, compassion, that naturally arises. This is what I bring to my father, as well he returns it with his own gift of trust that I will tend to him through whatever it is he offers. We are both authentic to each moment, whatever may be found. His struggle and sorrow, are mine as well. Different, yes, but equal in their belonging. 

~

Peace, Eric 

For Space Alone

For space alone: 

yet for space alone to be - everything comes from this, of a capacity not seen and only content hints of its existence. It's of possibilities. Emptiness isn't truly a void, not a place to be found, and of course it's always present. We know emptiness by what's allowed, by how our lives are filled with objects, events, and the passage of time. 

it's how we recognize things.

a forest is simply space between trees, fields are known by the absence of all things not belonging to their hold. This is an emptiness for things to be, that there is no inherent quality of forest and field found without the spaciousness of their surrounding. 

this too is our allowing.

somehow, we emerge not from, but of emptiness itself. We are not separate from our spacious source, no more so than a forest is ever found apart from trees. It's all one thing given distinctions, names, and labeled by beliefs. We are emptiness in continuous process of knowing ourselves by the things we seem to hold. Yet more truly so, it's emptiness knowing itself through emptiness. 

this shows the world in such transient light, temporary in it's solid nature, it's appearance lent by space alone. This is magic, alchemy, gold of our existence given form. To recognize emptiness is to see the briefness of our beauty, that we're just a moment somehow found aware. It's all so poignant, bittersweet in knowing. But appreciation deepens with this, that from infinite emptiness we are blessed by now, our own appearance in a world appearing from space alone. 

it's an impossible gift, 

and yet...

we are. 

~

Peace, Eric 

To Imagine

To imagine: 

of God existing - but don't in any sense of being apart from creation. That this is a God of particles and the infinite space between them, of emptiness and spontaneous appearance alike. I can image the existence of God without first cause, nor power to command. For me, it's all of life, of the tiniest swirl of subatomic detail to the largeness of the universe expanding. It's not some separate source that gives cause for this to happen, and not one to inflict ideals and punishment if we don't obey them. To imagine God is the simplicity of finding myself in awe at the details of the world. 

of course God is just a term, and what I'm describing here is existence, life, and all that gives support for it to thrive. This doesn't need a label. Yet at one point, through pure wonder of our position in the world, of the beauty and terror that surrounds us - we gave a name to mystery. With this name came specific meaning, a direction now to cast a prayer, or blame for daily trouble.

this was a God of our creation. 

To re-imagine now - of a nameless God, empty, yet giving rise to form. This is a return to mystery, an unknowing of all we once chose to believe. It's bringing God back to the details of the world, coming back to awe and wonder. There is no imaginary God. The miracle is our own existence within the vastness of stars, galaxies and possibilities.  None of this was divine by promise. Nothing more is guaranteed. To imagine anything more than this moment is a false prophet leading is astray. The God of my imagination is alive within the details, life, continuous without first cause. I give praise for the touch of sun and how it ripens leaves their deepest green, and how they later fall in response to distance. Every season is a source of wonder. I am thankful for breath, of the air that's given. I'm amazed that I'm designed for a breath to be taken, and that there's an endless source of sky to be received. My true prayer is one of gratitude that I belong to sun and air. 

to imagine God, I simply breathe and feel the touch of sun against me. 

~

Peace, Eric 

 

Potential

Potential:

of it's potential, and every page holds this as a promise - the first and always emptiness of it's allowing nature. No amount of words will ever truly fill a page. Even through their appearance, given phrase and paragraphs to add until it seems a limit is found, emptiness remains as the reality of it all. What allows each word its individual existence, and brings meaning to the point they gather - it's the underlying capacity of their hold. 

emptiness is always inherent to the page. 

no difference is found through life, everything relies upon an original emptiness to simply be alive. Our bodies reflect this by their own spaciousness. Infinite cells and molecules all reside within us, and still we remain largely space itself. What we are is never truly fulfilled but always within the process of losing aspects of ourselves that no longer serve, an emptying, returning to original nature in order to again know ourselves as more. 

it's how we grow, it's how everything grows.

a seed must remain empty of any true sense of self - it's reality is one of potentiality for being a flower, or a tree. It holds the promise of stems, branches, leaves and blossom. A seed is true in every stage of its becoming, at every point is its fulfillment. We are no less through any period of our own becoming, always in process and yet complete at every moment too. 

emptiness provides for our potential.

so we are empty of any real self, and this allows for us to continuously be wonder of ourselves through every moment. This present emptiness holds us without limit, a constant reinterpretation of ourselves, that we are never quite the same from the moment of before. Our potential is always fulfilled by virtue of what we are right now. 

we are empty...of all but promise. 

~

Peace, Eric 

At Once

At once:

all of reality is at once - this may seem an obvious statement, and on face value it is. But its implications are far reaching and effects deeper than imagined. Truth isn't simply what is seen and experienced on a surface level. Our lives are interpenetrated with subtle actualities, seemingly contradictions of experience and fact. Reality is life through every level to the very point of pure existence. 

or more truthful still, no levels found at all. 

this clearly shown by quantum physics, that at the very base point of existence energy is found indivisible, behaving both as wave and particles. The world is energy, soft and fluid, always made through motion. Yet our experience shows another world. Our lives are lived mostly by touch of solid, reality is the hardness of a chair, the crash of heavy objects to the floor. The quantum view tells us that both are so, true for our touch against the world, as well for the impossibility of anything sold existing to be touched. 

our lives seem to contradict existence. 

but all of reality is at once, wave and particle behaving by way of nature. Nothing contradicted. Before the laws of quantum physics were told, the Buddhist Heart Sutra stated that "form is emptiness, emptiness is form". This is a sutra of subtle understanding, of impermanence, and that life is lived in seeming contradiction. Reality is the harsh lesson of form behaving as the nature of a wave. What we hold now will soon be lost to us. We will hurt and suffer through this loss. But both quantum physics and the Heart Sutra point to the illusion of loss, nothing solid ever existed as a touch, we hold nothing and yet at once all the world is held.  

we suffer through imagined things, gone. 

yet grief is real, pain and sorrow are an experience of reality. None of this is dismissed and all of it is honored, cherished for the love it served. There is no purpose of denial, suffering is true even if our loss still exist in formless nature. Grief and sorrow make no such distinctions. 

reality holds is all at once.

~

Peace, Eric 

That I am

That I am:

that I am a soul - and not in any sense do I believe myself to be anything less than belonging fully to the world. I am not essence separate from form. This is a largeness without a true line drawn, a completeness that shows distinctions being seamless to the whole. To be a soul is simply be alive, an interacting force that has somehow found itself aware. 

everything is soul.

there is no hierarchy to this aliveness, that my body returns to earth in the same manner as every other form of life, re-birthed through atoms now released, and found again through other aspects of the world. It's all simply life, and death doesn't distinguish me in any special way. My aliveness isn't of a higher order. 

that I am a soul means only that I note myself alive, aware, and participate with life in a caring, meaningful way. It means I belong. In no way does it imply that I am a soul separate from body, nor removed from the permanence of death by any religion or belief. I am a soul through body, root deep connections, and my care for others. 

there is no other world that I belong to. 

death disassembles me, atoms now gathered as my body are released to reform through a choice of nature. I take great pleasure in knowing that what holds me now may one day be found as a spring leaf, another brief beginning and autumn of release. One more cycle of life and death. The two are not apart from each other, not opposing forces that fight for my possession. Whatever is born will someday cease in present form. That is soul, life - the changing aspects of what I am. I was never just a person, but always this aliveness that has been reborn from something other, and will again find itself reformed. A continuous soul. 

of consciousness - I know only of this moment. There is no telling what continues, if some aspect remains aware of its aliveness. Perhaps. Yet I have no memory of being unborn. I came to the world in a surprise of wonder, present, aware. It was all a sudden gift. I'll let this be enough and not fill my time with speculation. The world is still a sudden gift and I'm continuously surprised. 

for me, it's all soul.

~

Peace, Eric 

From Just Before

From just before:

it only seems from just before - life, and all it holds, is always appearing now. Everything is a current play of events, spontaneous, even as we remember illusions of the past. What we truly and only have is this one given moment. 

and it's extraordinary.

that there is no realm of just before - every idea and each thought we have is instantaneous, coming to notice at each point of our attention. No particular thought is ever chosen, simply appearing and then we claim it as our own. It's all really a constant inspiration, everything, from nowhere to present, through no will nor effort of our own. 

the entire world's been simply given.

it's all a momentary, and there is no sure definition of what this means - many hold this as a timeless existence, that a moment is a lasting observation of some cosmic function. It's implied as an eternal force of special value. Yet a moment is always fleeting, elusive in all but our participation. It's ever changing, mysterious. There are no previous moment, and nothing follows this one. With no just before, - we find ourselves a current stream of ideas and concepts, an event playing through infinite levels at once. We are occurring. 

always now.

this ends without speculation on a further moment, of what will then continue. We've been give this extraordinary gift of being alive right now, and more truly a gift of which we are aware. What appears now is an entire world of our belonging. How this moment will unfold remains a mystery. It will happen completely on its own. 

we have the gift of just this moment. 

~

Peace, Eric