End Results

Coming to terms with my race results and making new plans for another attempt. Nothing should really be viewed as a set back - some paths are just longer then others but as Tibetan Meditation Master Chogyam Trungpa reminds us - the path is indeed the goal. The end result is not to finish a 100 mile but race but to run a 100 mile race. So every step on the path - training and racing - become the end result itself. Further still- running is the path of spiritual revelation and simply cannot (or should not?) be viewed in terms of finishing. As spiritual beings - we continue. Always and in all ways.

Peace,
Eric

Regrets

So I'm disappointed - not unhappy - but far from satisfied. I did a lot of stuff right for my first attempt at 100 miles and a few things wrong. Unfortunately it only takes one wrong move to derail an ultra at any length let alone 100 miles. Still a long run on a beautiful section of the C&O is a great way to spend a day (and a little over)
It's now time to turn regrets into lessons and redraw some training plans for another go at this distance. And soon.

Peace,
Eric

Race Report - C&O 100 2013

Disappointing finish for me at the C&O 100 - I dropped at mile 63 with leg issues and a stomach that had been giving me trouble since the day before. It just wasn't my day. Now I find myself second guessing some decisions I made - especially if I started out a bit too fast and didn't walk enough through the first 50. It's a learning experience and I was humbled by the sheer flatness of the course - except for the killer hill at the start/finish. I feared the worst earlier on in the race as my legs felt quickly fatigued in the early stages, although I still felt like I was running strong. by mile 55 though I began to suspect that the repetitive aspect of running the course had taken a toll and my hipflexors and underside of kneecap clamped tight and made running difficult and walking not much better. I was reduced to a sub 25:00 minute pace and began getting chills and still had over 12 miles to go to get my jacket from my drop bag. It didn't help that my stomach rebelled ever several miles causing me to scramble to the bathroom and had been doing so since the beginning of the race (again this started the day before) I had at first put it down to pre -race nerves but as it hadn't subsided at all during the day I knew it was seriously off for the day. Still my fueling was pretty much on for the day and I'm happy with that. Dates, bananas and Lara Bars were the staple with some vegan jerky, and a sandwich thrown in when I began to tire of the sweet food. A handful of almonds worked nicely too. Oh, and miso soup at the half that Matt brought us worked wonders for warming me up and helping me feel ready for the second loop.Very few foot issues other then fatigue for the surface and the little rocks that litter the path - oddly enough this seemed to subside later in the race as it did for Moca too. Maybe we just got numb to the pain. I ran with some great people and got to see some old friends and make new ones. My friend Daniel came to pace me for 30 miles on the second loop and stuck by me for 13 before I dropped. I big thank you to him and great job pacing!
It's a beautiful course and deceptively tough - many started out way to fast and from the looks of things very few of them finished. There was only 49 finishers from the 88 who started.
To be honest I never doubted I would finish - yet when it became obvious my legs were done I felt there was very little I could do. Every bathroom break would cause them to stiffen further from the cooling air and lack of motion and once I sat at the 60+ mile aid station in the I knew for certain there was no going back. Still...I wonder if I could have walked it off. Other then the painful back of kneecap deal that's causing quite a limp and very sore hip flexors I feel fine. It's a mental thing that I still have to process and is a little difficult to come to terms with right now. One thing for certain - I am ready for another long race, and another go at 100. I'm not done.

A big thanks to all the volunteers (they were especially great!) RD Lance Dockery. And special thanks to Matt, Kevin, Daniel, Randy (for being ready!) and Sandy.

Peace,
Eric

Beginning/Ending

My beginning and the ending as well - my first 100 mile ultra begins in just a few hours and the end of months of training and preparation ends. It's a new adventure. I can't wait to see what I become...and what I leave behind.

Peace,
Eric

Last Minute Worry

It's about that time - getting gear together, gathering food and fuel and doing a little worrying. Mostly about food. I tend to run as a minimalist and that's fine for some races and disastrous for others. I don't want this one to be one of the others. I need to rely more on actually food at aid stations and not worry quite so much. This time Sunday I'll know my mistakes - and so will you.
Wish me luck.

Peace,
Eric

Running With Reverence

While reading Thor Gotaas's excellent book - Running: A Global History - I was struck by his passage on the ancient Inca messenger runners and the reverence in which they ran.The viewed their enviorment with humility and devotion. Never feeling threatened because they did not see themselves as separate from which they ran through and on. They were part of the Divine order of things. They believed that every step they took was being watched and guarded by millions of beings. This reminded my of the passage in the Talmud -

“Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.'”

 

It's comforting to think that we never run alone and are protected in the the darkest and most isolated sections of trails and roads. This reverence is the perfect expression of how I wish to run. 100 miles is the perfect place to practice.

 





 

Peace,

Eric

How To Run an Ultra (My Plan)

How to run an ultra?
Here's my plan - from 1 mile to a 100. (And whatever falls between)
~
Run lightly,
with ease and grace and
patience.
Be happy.
Be calm.
Accept what the day brings you and give to the
day the very best you have to offer.
Eat.
Drink.
Walk and enjoy your surroundings.
Be grateful.
Smile.

Peace,
Eric

More Than I Ever Was

I fall to the heat
of your gaze -
A Shiva's touch
that strips me past the bone.

I am nothing now.

Yet somehow...more than I ever was.


~

we will all be called - we will each fall under the gaze of Shiva and be stripped of self and left as nothing. For some - there is no hope of salvation. Who we were is left as dust and new born winds rush to gather our remains. There is freedom now - the self of our identity gone and a spacious reach of who we are now touches heaven and earth.

 



Fearless

My thoughts are turning to how much I can leave behind on the trail for my upcoming 100 - how much of myself can I surrender and run free of ego or concern of self? I don't mean taking my health for granted and taking unnecessary risk - but of running without the care of results other then being immersed in motion and the moment. The best race is when there is no opponent - not even ourselves. Competition is left behind for self exploration. When Steve Prefontain raced you could tell that there was little of him left in that moment - sure when the race was over ego may have come back into play along with the concern for placement and results. Yet in that magical moment when he gave all of himself to motion -there was no ego - he had burned it in a fiery sacrifice of self. He was also fearless. That's my question - can I be fearless, can I give myself away? I don't know. But I plan to find out.





Peace,
Eric

100 Miles

100 Miles is a long way to run. It's been said that the first half of a 100 mile race is run with the legs and the second half is run with the mind. I'll find out if it's so - I suspect that it may be both and at times the mind and the legs may give out. And that's when we run with spirit.
I'll know for sure this time next week.

Peace,
Eric

You, The Infinite, And My Keyboard



Infinitely inspired...

I write these
words.

Lost in a single
thought of
you.

 

~

The infinite is gathered in a single point of inspiration - concentration so sharp the world is both reduced in outward distractions and opened within to new worlds unexplored and waiting for attention. Create - as if there is no world outside the fingers. And share - as if this world is all that matters.

 

Peace,

Eric

Knowing (And The Mental Prep For 100)

The training is in, legs are resting and the details are being planned - I'm a week away from my first 100. Now comes the most important part - knowing I can run it. This isn't just a simple belief or convincing myself that I can do it, it's now psyching myself up - it's past belief into a deep knowing. Beliefs themselves are a useful tool but with limits - another belief - presented more skillfully or passionately can easily take the place of our starting belief. This can happen mid race - my belief can change in an instant with a blister, a cramp or simply tired legs. Yet getting ourselves to a deep knowing means that the race is already over, we have seen the end results in our mind and the rest is only putting the details into place - it's the follow through. We need to visualize in such detail that belief is no longer an option because we  have moved past the point where options matter. It's done. In our minds we have already completed the race successfully and overcome any obstacle that may have presented itself. Time is an illusion and we are the magicians. We make it happen first in the mind and heart - our steps are the tools that carry the dream to a later reality. It's time for me to start knowing.

Peace,
Eric

The Faith Of A Stone

The faith of a stone...

To taste a moment in the briefness of
its expression.

On lips that whisper in the
language of forever.

Yet the stone remains still.

As moments fall in timeless
rapture.

 

 

 

~

Deep within...we too are timeless. We have the faith of the

eternal - although forgotten in moments lost

within time, space and distance.

It's the stilled center of our being that the

world spins its caress around.

Be silent, hold still...and feel the

moments fall about you.

 

Peace,

Eric

Boston

It's hard to write about the tragedy of the bombing at the the finish line of the Boston Marathon. I think of Boston often - virtually every run it crosses my mind at some point in someone way. I think every runner who raced a marathon dreams of this event. To qualify alone is an honor that takes serious commit for all but the most elite of runners. Every year I tell myself that I will put most ultra runs aside and concentrate on a really fast marathon that will get me there. It's a 117 year old event - just to attend and to run in order to be part of its history is worth the time, the commitment and yes the pain it takes to qualify. And now this bombing is part of its history. An act of terror, an act of crime and an act of hate. It is now part of the Boston story. Yet the story is greater than the tragedy - the story of Boston now grows to heroic proportions unmatched by the legendary runners. The story is now of runners who faced not just the fear of hitting the wall and overcoming tired legs - it's the story of those same runners who faced a far deadlier fear and responded with grace and courage and turned back to help their fallen comrades, those who continued to run past the finish line to donate blood, it's the story of runners and bystanders who tore off their shirts to make tourniquets to stem the loss of blood, it's the story of of those who opened their home to stranded runners and their families. It's the story of Boston - the race and the city. Further still the story will continue - next year more will qualify, more will run and more will demonstrate that human will, heart and courage cannot and will not be destroyed by a bomb. Runners will run and their family and friends will be there to cheer and support. Boston the marathon will still be the race we runners dream of and Boston the city will show the world that it is far stronger any act of terror. One day I will qualify and one day I will race Boston - until then - I will always have the dream and I will always have the dream that Boston offers - hope, courage and valor. Always.

Emptiness Wakes

If not found
Beneath my
Fingers –
Space alone would dream
Your form.
And emptiness wake to
My caress.

 

 

~

We exist always - before form we are the

infinite waiting for expression.

And later - as form falters and always

falls we become again the

formless heart of

our desire -

the infinite...waking to itself.

 

 



Boston Tragedy

My thoughts and prayers go out to all Boston Marathon runners, spectators and their families. With no real details yet other then an explosions I can not comment others then to offer my deepest sympathies to all involved. Boston is the oldest marathon in the world with a fine tradition behind it - runners strive for years in training and sacrifice much just to make there. It's an honor to run and the highlight of a lifetime of running for many. Every tragedy is personal - as John Donne claimed "no man is an island" yet the running community is tight knit with a shared bond of effort, sweat and sacrifice. I feel for all connected in even the most remote way. Again my prayers to all concerned.

Eric

Clyde's 10k

It was a beautiful day to run today and an even better day to race - cool and breezy. It seems luck with weather often falls on the day Clyde's 10k is held. Every year has been perfect - I hope I'm not jinxing it. Today was less of a race for me than a tempo run. I'm tapering for the C&O 100 in 2 weeks so this will be my last hard effort. It was a strong run on a fairly tough course. I wouldn't call Clyde's overly hilly but the hills it has are long. Clyde's also has an awesome after party and for those who are looking for some incentive to race - there it is.
So this leaves me with some time to recover from the training. Recover and plan. And maybe get a little nervous.
Two weeks.


Peace,
Eric

Conversations

Browsing through a bookstore today with a friend I cam across the Conversation With God series and pointed them out to her - she was intrigued and it brought to mind how important these books were in redefining my relationship and experience with God. Whether or not one chooses to believe that the author (Neale Donald Walshe) had a intimate conversation with God is irrelevant - the books hint at the development of our own personal conversation with God and ask the all important questions - are we listening? We all have our own personal bible to write, our own song of God to sing and yet the painted image of a distant figure keeps us from having this conversation. If you hear birds singing outside your window on a beautiful spring day - you are being  invited to have a conversation with God. The question is this a language we wish to speak? Or will the voice of ego dictate every conversation we have with ourselves as it most commonly does. A willingness to be open to dialogue is important to any conversation - and no less to the one God wishes to have with us. I think looking at these books today was an important reminder to listen...and reconnect.

Peace,
Eric

Mantram - A Prayer Without Ceasing

 

Without
Ceasing –
And hushed against my
Lips in passing,
I breathe your name a
Silent prayer.

 

~

 

 

 

 

The repetition of the holy name is a time honored practice that helps bring calm, peace and acts as a reminder of the nearness of God. It's the art of prayer.It is silent yet powerful and brings about a dramatic change in our emotional states. Gandhi the man used the mantram "Rama" to transform himself from a man to the Mahatma or "great soul". We are all great soul as yet unrealized. The practice of the mantram brings about this realization. Try it.

 

Peace,

Eric



Sun Bathing For Health

The sun is powerful medicine and a medicine that we don't seem to get enough of these days. As a country (and perhaps world wide) we are in a epidemic of a vitamin D deficiencies. Vitamin is actually closer to a hormone than an actual vitamin and regulates mood, hormonal balance a swell as he absorption of calcium - along with a host of other positive benefits. The best source of vitamin D is the sun since out skin will manufacture its own - sort of like photosynthesis for plants. Yet for the past few decades we have been told to limit our sun exposure. Dr.s are now we thinning this - and many are urging sun exposure for 10-15 minutes a day several days a week. This has been recommended in the alternative health and raw food communities for decades now. However as a light skinned person of Northern European decent I have been careful of the sun - especially after years of exposure without sun screen. I'm rethinking that now. Dr. Oz highly recommends a "sun bath" for 15 minutes or so of the arms, legs and torso. Avoiding burning and using sun screen for protection afterwards. This seems like sound advice and just as flossing, exercising and other daily habits for health one to add into the mix for optimum health. It's worth a try.

Peace,
Eric

Running With Intent

In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link.

~ Carlos Castaneda

 

 

 

 

The object of running with spirit then is too truly link with this force that Castaneda talks of - it's the abandonment of force of will to surrendering to the greater force of intent. It also means that even on a solitary run we never run alone - we are linked through the force of intent and run with the whole of the universe. So often a race is limited to "me versus you" mentality where even the winner may lose in the flight of ego over spirit. I think this is where ultra distances help in this regard as the have the tendency to strip the ego through the sheer magnitude of the endeavor. Marathons as well as the sheer focus is enough to help turn a runner inward in the quest for pure motion. Any race can be an opportunity to practice running with intent though. That's the hope of my upcoming 100 - a surrendering run of purpose.

 

 

"The third point of reference is freedom of perception; it is intent; it is spirit; the somersault of thought into the miraculous; the act of reaching beyond our boundaries and touching the inconceivable."

Carlos Castaneda

 

 

I love the thought of -'"somersault of thought into the miraculous" Right now 100 miles is close to inconceivable. I'm ready to take that somersault.

 

Peace,

Eric

Still Point Of Running

There is a still point in running - and you find it only through motion. Beneath the layers of thought and breath and sight and sound and farther still beyond even all that seems in motion - there is stillness. Sometimes we stumble upon this eternal witness to the movement of our lives - a complete surprise. Very few of us can enter at will. Long runs, really long runs will lead us to it in a circumference route. A grateful heart on a beautiful day will often spontaneously summon it. It's always present. Awareness is key. Acknowledge its existence, be grateful to everything present and simply let go. Enjoy the run. You will find it.

Peace,
Eric

Swayed





 

one leaf on a
barren
tree –
swayed.

and now my
wish to join the
breeze.

 

 

~

 

A day is filled with moments of transcendence - an unspoken language from the

lips of God to our ears alone.

Let today speak to you.

And let the mystery be

your smile.

 

 

Peace,

Eric

 

 

 



Next

No two runs are alike. Any moment of a run could be different then the next. Unexpected pleasures await every turn and a moments lull could be the beginning of the next moments surge. We just never know. So we keep running...awaiting what comes next.

Peace,
Eric

Training Update

And I did it - my last 30 (30.25) mile long run before I taper for the C&O 100. Aside from a right calf strain I feel pretty good. I practiced fueling and hydration (a weakness) and ran smooth and easy on a pretty hilly course. The hills were a bonus as the C&O will be pancake flat - a hundred miles of flat is a lotta flat though. I'm rolling out my calf, lightly stretching with some yoga and prepping myself for one more long run tomorrow. Then it's all over but the tapering. Thanks for sticking with me this far!


Peace,
Eric

Final Gift

And after all, perhaps the final
gift is tenderness.
The faith to love on the
edge of broken parts.
Faith...when all we have is
no clear end,
only the ache of uncertainty.
Yet still we
reach
towards the jagged edge that's
sure to cut and we bleed
our touch in a tender
offering of
hope,
despair, and maybe something
more we can't name,
but know in silent
moments.
Perhaps the final gift is not
blood...but our
ability to
bleed and bleed
some
more when all we wish for is
dried away and still we
bleed more.
Perhaps the final gift is
this, these blood
soaked tears....when it's all we
have to offer.

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                       ~

 

I wrote this a few years ago during a time when it seemed all I held dear was slipping though my grip no matter how tightly I held and how many tears I offered in fear and prayerful regret. And that too was the problem and cause of anguish. The loss of my mother through years of Alzheimer's - watching layers of identity being discarded in what seemed like such a cruel and heartless manner left me raw and bare to the very bones of my existence. Yet my mother didn't fight, she was beyond fighting. She surrendered. She surrendered to grace. Yes, she still struggled. No one gives up their self easily. But every struggles came with a continuing gift of allowing life to be lived in the only moment we are ever offered - now. A surrendering of past opens up the present to be lived with awareness. This was my mothers final gift. And as my life continued to unravel during the painful years that followed - it was this gift alone that offered comfort, It still does.

 

Peace,

Eric



Between

 

 

 

Clouds gather.

Beneath my feet the

earth lies

parched.

Between the two...I simply

stand -

Shared between this

holy moment.

 

 

 

~

 

Every moment is found holy - and every moment is the

gathering of infinite forces seeking contact.

We are the still point of

creation.

True prayer is the recognition of

this moment.

 

 

Peace,

Eric

The Path To 100

I'm closing in on the last long run(s) of a training cycle that started the day after Stone Mill 50 Mile Endurance Run last November. Physically I'm very much invested in my upcoming 100 mile race. Emotionally and spiritually I am beginning to detach - my goal is to run the race in the manner of Bhakti that I blogged of earlier. Yes, I wish to finish - yet more importantly I wish to run 100 miles in devotion to the run itself. In the Bhagavad Gita Krishna tells Arjuna that the way of yoga (union) that is closest to His heart is the way of devotion - to offer the moment and whatever it brings you completely to the run and to view the run as something more - an extension of Love and the Universe unfolding in a prayerful delight of motion.To do so means surrounding my will to a greater path and to trust this path completely. That's the goal and the goal is the path. All I have to do is run.

Peace,
Eric

Unseen

 

Winds blow
Unseen –
Yet every leaf knows the
Taste of their caress.

I have no doubt of
Your embrace.

 

 

~

 

 

There is a story that tells of Saint Francis asking of a barren almond tree in the midst of winter -"speak to me of God" - and the tree blossomed with spring flowers. Francis saw spring in its infinite potential within the barren branches of the tree - and beyond this he saw the very presence of God alive as the tree, the budding flowers, the wind and the rain and the sky. The very earth spoke to him of God - as God. And we too are witness to the unseen. It is the beginning of Spring and God speaks to you now in the kiss of sun and a cool winds caress. Ask the world - speak to me of God - and the season of His embrace.

 

 

Peace,

Eric

Meditation

Oprah says it so well.
We're all on this path together - moving steadily, slowly towards a remembrance of God. Of course we don't have to use the term "God" if we don't wish too. The Tao, Buddha Nature, The Universe - it's all the same and we are all an essential part of it. That's the one thing that many of us have forgotten (for on a deep level we all recognize the truth) - it is all the same and we are part of it - meaning there is no separation between us and the Universe. There is nowhere where we leave off and the world begins. Finding this recognition brings peace. And it's essential. Meditation helps.

Here is a great meditation that I love - it involves chanting, silent mantra, visualisation, and mudras (hand gestures).

And the path that works best for you.
And practice.

Peace,
Eric