Remember

The goals I have for this new year are mostly personal, spiritual and emotional. Yes, I do have quite a bit I would like to achieve physically - my first 100 ultra - but ultimately I wish to make these goals part of a spiritual agenda. An advancement of spirit if you will. The key to this is simple remembrance - to remember spirit first in all things. The great thing about remembrance is that it allows room for forgetting. We're not saints (not yet) and we will make mistakes, we will be unkind and thoughtless - we will forget the advancement of spirit. Until we remember. And then we begin again. Starting with ourselves - we will remember and we will be kind to ourselves and forgive ourselves and once more offer the best if who we are to others - knowing that they too often forget and that they too will remember and offer (again) their best to us. This is grace. And for you...may 2013 be filled with spirit and grace.

Peace,
Eric

2012

It's the end of the year. Many of the goals I laid out for 2012 have come to pass - I've run and raced more and set PR's from 5k to 50 miles. My training went well over all with a higher weekly volume than ever - I topped 2000 miles for the year by far. My writing was consistent if not always inspired. I wrote daily in the blog and poetry again became a regular feature.
I was, however, unable to make the improvements in business and in pursuing a livelihood in nutrition (plant-based diet) and hope (again) to make this more of a priority for 2013. Funny how some goals slip by while others are so easy to pursue.
I had hoped to heal my relationship with my wife and I guess in many ways we did - we became closer, sharing races and dinner and enjoying each others company on a level we have missed for some time now. Ultimately I failed though and the year ended in divorce. From here, honestly, I don't know where to go - healing I guess but I really don't know how. Maybe I will in 2012.

I'll save my upcoming goals for another blog.
I hope you have all picked out worthy goals for yourselves as well!

Peace,
Eric

Two Sides











 



From my lips...

The night is torn by the
whisper of your name.

Two sides of infinity.

Distance.

And my longing to be
near you.

 

 

~

 

 



 

We pray - not for answers - but for our voice to

carry onwards and farther and perhaps a

moment found listened to by

something larger than

ourselves.



 

 

 

`

Running/Therapy

Running is therapy. More so than virtually any other form of exercise that I can think of - there are plenty (lifting, martial arts) that help alleviate tension and aggression - but for working through issues mentally or letting the conscious mind go blank and the subconscious take over - running seems to top all for me. The longer the better. When the run is over I may be no closer to a solution to a given problem - but I am calmer, more focused and definitely relaxed. All of which will put me in a better place for problem solving. I hope this new year finds you all trouble free - but if needed - go for a run.


Peace,
Eric

As The Earth

Rain,
And I stand…willing
Myself as the
Earth –
Grateful in receiving.

 

 

 

 

 

~

in the passing of all things we are the witness

constant to it all.

 

 

 

Rain falls and the earth receives - humble, accepting and grateful in the

gift that aids seasons and the bloom of life. We are of the earth and

we too bloom in the faith of gifts both seen and unseen.

Heaven rains in a constant

presence.

May we be grateful in our

reception.

 

 

 

 

 

 

`


Divorce

Divorce is terrible. It's been terrible for me - yet I know for many that it is the only option in a sad or unhealthy situation. My wife and I had lots of options yet somehow never took them. I will always regret that and I will always wonder why. We both could be difficult to live with but it always seemed easy to overlook. She was/is my best friend and having the marriage pact of our relationship end rips a hole within the very fabric of my being. It seems incomprehensible to me. I knew the day was coming, the day of our divorce and right up to the very moment of it ending I still believed she would take my hand and that we walk out together - knowing we were happier, better, being together than apart. I don't know how to heal from this. I'm told I will. Maybe so. And again maybe I won't. Maybe some wounds don't heal, aren't supposed to heal, a physic scar visible only to the heart. I don't know. It seems there is much I don't know. I do know - divorce is terrible.


Peace,
Eric

Swept Aside



 





And then at once I am
The wind,
Having swept aside
Illusion’s form –
And joined my spirit to the
Breeze.

 

~

 

There is nothing that we are

apart from. The illusion of distance, time and

space keep us bound to ideas yet

reality rest beyond the concept of

thought and

self.

 

There is a world unseen turning

soft against us.

 

Urging us to join....





`

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone.
Historically it seems that the birth of Jesus did not actually fall on the 25th of December. And of late there has been a politically correct movement to wish "Happy Holidays" in replacement if Merry Christmas out of respect for non-Christians. This is understandable - not everyone celebrates Christmas and other traditions have holidays that fall in the same time frame. I like wishing people merry Christmas though - Christians and non-Christians alike. Regardless of tradition this is a holy time of year - days lengthen on from the Solstice, beneath the noise and hustle of celebration a true quiet can be felt, things are ending and becoming, from fall to winter with spring not far behind. It's a magical time. Jesus was Christ and he was One with His Father. He was born into this world with the message that we too contain Christ with and yes we are One with our Father as well. This message was for everyone. Today - I can be reborn in the innocence and holiness of Christ. I can see the Christ within you being born again in spirit and love. I can and will remember our original unity under God the Father, the Mother, the Alpha and Omega. Today - and everyday - Merry Christmas.

Peace,
Eric

Freedom Waits

A troubling week. A week of personal loss. Lessons in forgiveness and patience and I'm failing most the times. I keep trying though and it's much like meditation - the mind strays and we bring it back to the breath or mantra. It strays again and still more - yet each time we gently return it and continue on. It's never a failure as reptition builds strength and over time the mind becomes focused and we are able to move beyond its confines. The same holds true with forgiveness - in time we become able to move past the limiting confines of resentment, anger and hurt. That's when we are set free. There is a vast space of new becoming waiting for us. Take each lesson as it comes. Freedom waits.


Peace,
Eric

Training Year in Review

So this year has seen a big increase in my mileage volume - 60+ miles is pretty routine and I will often hit 80+ for race preparation. Barefoot style shoes were still my standby shoe along with some zero drop racers like New Balance Minimus and their 110 trail shoes (which got me through several ultras this year and are still going strong) 2011 saw the addition of more focused speed work- mostly done on the track - and this helped me set PR's from 5k to 50 miles this year. Tempo work was steady as well. Late in the year I also made a return to some low heart rate training - mainly to prep for a spring 100. Of all the things added for 2011 it's the heart rate training that may not be the keeper. After a few more weeks I will weigh the cost/benefit of it and report back.
Lifting wise I dropped a large portion of my kettlebell (sport) focused training to return to some heavier work with deadlift and presses in a low volume workout style several days a week. This has helped me gain some strength back and improved my running as well. My once weekly kettlebell focused workout (Long Cycle) seems to be improving too from the strength focus. This routine will be a keeper coming into the new year.
Diet - I'm a vegan. This year and next. I don't see this changing. However I did relax on the raw and fruitarian mindset this year - although this too will return in the new year. I eat out more and allowed myself a bit of "fast food" vegan style and even some more desert type stuff. Pretty sure that won't be sticking around for 2013 - at least not quite to the extent that I have presently allowed it.
So that's the years training in review (if anyone is interested)

Thanks for visiting,
Eric

Returning to Peace

Today I had a rare emotional outburst, pure anger released on another, truly a frightening moment. As the Buddha said we are not punished for our anger but by our anger and this was clearly demonstrated to me today. I was emotionally spent and physically drained. And immedietly sorry. There is no semse in compounding the issue by getting mad (or staying mad) at myself. To find (or refind) peace - be peaceful. If we wish for forgiveness - forgive. As always I return to the Prayer of ST. Francis -



Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

 

 

 

 

And once more - begin again.

 

 

Peace,

Eric

Right Here

Albert Einstein famously said - "we can't solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." A Buddhist might say that we can't fix a problem with the same mind that created it. It takes a paradigm shift. When I hear people suggest that they way to solve the violent crime issue is with more guns - I become confused. We need a new mind, a new way of thinking. For now, for right now, lets take gun ownership off the discussion table. Putting anyone on the defensive is aggressive thinking that adds to the problem. We need a new mind. Let's think differently. How do we create peace? When we're looking for peaceful solutions we will be thinking peace. A different way of thinking. It's a start. And everything starts right here. Right here - with you.

Peace,
Eric

 

 

 

PS

I wish to add to clear up any confusion that this in no way implies lack of action or is a path for the meek. Ahisma (No Harm) is a bold path of action that demands the personal courage of a Martin Luther King or Gandhi. Nothing takes more personal courage than a willingness to confront our own demands, preferences and demons - and then relinquish them to a higher source and cause.



Holding Only You

 

 

 

You are no farther than
a thought away-
And yet I fill this distance
with a thousand words.

So I let go.


Allowing words to drop unspoken.


The distance narrows.


I fall to a silence
holding only
you.

 

 

~

 

Pray in silence...and faith

becomes our spoken

word.

 



~



Herman Melville wrote that silence is the only voice of God and our interior silence - that sacred pause between thought and word - we find our true temple. There is no need to search for this temple - simply wait for gathered thoughts to pass as clouds. And then behold the brilliant radiance of our mind.



Peace,

Eric







Guns

Gun ownership seems to be a sensitive subject - people feel a great need to defend their gun ownership. I guess I won't question any one's right to keep arms-  heck I own several guns myself, tow left over from my old hunting days and belonged to my dad. I will, however, question the need for certain weapons such as assault rifles and concealed handguns. I think we all should. Why would someone desire such a think knowing the intent behind the weapon? I don't know the answer. I don't have the desire. With no judgement....maybe it's something we should explore?

Peace,
Eric

Constellations

 

 

Within...pressed long

against bone and

flesh -

constellations dreaming of

the sky.

 

 

 

~

We are of the stars - birthed from the heavens and

continued as flesh. Yet deep within and not

forgotten - we are more.

And in our dreams....still we soar to

heaven.

 

 

Peace,

Eric





Last Race of The Year - Race Review Rudolph Run 4 Miler and Relay 2012

Today was the last race of the year (pretty sure) and marks tow years of monthly racing for me - I guess it has become a bit of a streak and I'll see if I can keep it for another year. Some races have been short and some long and all have been fun. Today was short - and fun! Phil Lange and Bullseye Running have consistently been putting out fine races for a few years now and each event carries there signature brand of detailed organization with a family style event feel. Each race is unique and a challenge in its own way. Today was the Rudolph Run 4 Miler and 2 Person Relay - a trail run held in Rockburn Park. Rockburn is a hidden beauty by the way - surrounding baseball and soccer fields are miles of scenic trails through surprisingly deep woods. The beginning of the races there all have a cross country style start before hitting the trails which adds to the fun and gives the runner a bit of a head of steam before dodging rocks and roots and jumping fallen trees. Two 2 mile loops and then a pavilion full of hot soup, donuts and fruit.
I ran a little better than expected after yesterdays 22 miler. I kept my heart rate between 80 and 85% of my targeted max - about tempo run range and ran strong without pushing too hard. Just enough to remind me it was a race and a time of 31:30 (something) A fun way to end the year and keep me hopeful for the next! A big thanks to Phil and the Lange family for this event and for all of their hard work through the year - you guys have been a big part of my racing life and I appreciate it! See you for the Mid Maryland 50k in February!

Thanks for reading,
Eric

Right Now





                                                    

Now is the time - the miles increase and hours stretch through the day. The real training for the C&O 100 begins now. And it's all in the mind. Spending the extra hours on the trail or road, being mindful of the little details that will allow me to recover and be back out there again tomorrow - more miles and longer hours - this is what will make or break me somewhere between mile 1 and 100. What we do now - right now - counts. And it always has.

Peace,
Eric

A Prayer

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

John Donne

 

 

~

Beautiful words from John Donne and words that have always struck me deeply - conveying so well the truth of our connection from soul to soul and body to body. Indeed we are each part of the whole that is the making of everything. Years ago during the rots that occurred after the O.J Simpson trial spiritual leader Eknath Easwaren urged his students to refrain from feeding into and off of the media storm that followed. It wasn't a wish to not be involved - for as John Donne vividly points out we have no choice but to be involved - we are connected to the whole. No, what Easwaren wished for was for less attention to the story and more attention to the individual, to the victims and as in the case with the recent Connecticut  shooting of children we are all victims for their horror and pain and anguish are surely our own - we suffer for their suffering and our hearts extend to theirs. I won't comment on the story - no social commentary - I will only join in prayer for and to all those touched by this tragedy. We are each diminished by this loss and share in the pain of all those touched by this senseless act of violence. May we send love, send peace and above all our prayers for those in need of comfort.

 

God Bless,

Eric



Thin Spots

“In the Still of Life”

From the round of my shoulder
worked the artist,
as trickles of sweat mingled with chalk,
pasting dark irises on white.
There emerged burnt siennas that burnished the ambers…
arching the canvased planes.
The arm that posted me
swayed with the fatigue of a sensual spine.
I am an emotional and dancing ache,
that begs, in the promenade of rose’d blush,
for deliverance.

Paula Barr Carrigan

 

 

`

 

Beautiful words. This poem was written by someone who inspires me a great deal and embodies the very soul of this blog - Paula runs with spirit, she creates with spirit and she lives with spirit. A talented poet, artist, craftsman, musician, mountaineer and runner - and most importantly someone who extends her self beyond limits and encourages others to take this step as well. I'm proud to call her a friend.

We have discussed the theme of creation together and how it ties into and within the things we love- I remember reading about "thin spots" in Celtic lore. Thin spots are places where the the separation of heaven and earth are so thinly veiled that the kiss of holiness and the material world create a powerful atmosphere for the miraculous and sacred. Reading poems such as Paula's lead me to believe that perhaps we create our own Thin Spots - that through our efforts, hushed of ego, we too have rubbed thin between worlds and brushed near to heaven. Words like Paula's make me think yes, indeed we have.

 

Peace,

Eric

 



Quiet Hours

In quiet hours...I am the
words.

And the page waits to
receive me.

Grateful to be filled.

 

 

`

There comes a certain state - the world narrows, and narrows, and still more until at

once it disappears and the sharpness of creation is all that exist and the

confines of the hands and mind become a Genesis all their own.

 

 

 

 



Training The Mind

I love the feedback a heart rate monitor provides and the instant ego check I get when my brain is urging for speed over common sense. We can think of meditation as providing a bit of this same feedback. Unfortunately this feedback may be a bit easier to ignore than the flashing numbers on our wrist or the shrill beeping of we use an alarm. It's the same feedback though - a recognition that the ego has now taken charge of the drivers seat and we must wrest it back to regain control. In running we slow down and that's often the case with our thoughts as well - a simple awareness that we are thinking yet behind the thought is infinite peace - the Buddhist "Clear Sky/Clear Mind" concept. Watching the breath is the "slowing of the legs" in the mental process - not controlling - but simply watching. Be aware of the in-breath, the pause, and then the out-breath. And again. Soon our mind slows, we find that "clear sky". Even if it's only a glimpse.
Often that's just enough.

Peace,
Eric

Deepak And Meditation

I have always enjoyed the work of Deepak Chopra and his Primordial Sound Meditation (PSM) has been a big part of my life for close to 15 years now. It's a very simple, effective means of meditation and instruction is reasonably priced. One of the reasons Deepak left the Transcendental Meditation movement was he felt that it was priced out of reach of most people. The two methods are very similar and I believe equally effective. In his beautifully titles book - The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire - Deepak offers a Siddhi (spiritual powers of enlightenment) that is a great complement along side of any meditation program but perhaps even more so with PSM where we are literally meditating and vibrating with the sound of the universe at the very moment of our birth. Exciting concept. I definitely recommend both PSM and the book - all of Deepak's books for that matter. Enjoy!

Eric

Slow Down (Yes, Even More)

I'll stick to the topic of slowing down for just a little bit longer - today though I'm thinking of the spiritual and emotional benefits of slowing down outside of running. We live in busy times and that constant rush of activity leaves little room for a calm mind. Meher Baba summed it up perfectly - " A mind that is fast is sick. A mind that is slow is sound. A mind that is still is Divine." Meditation slows the mind down - we become aware of the space between thoughts and gradually allow our attention to dwell for longer and longer moments in these "gaps of Divinity".
Today - slow down.
Just for a moment....and touch
Divinity.


Peace,
Eric

Slow Down

One of the great things of low heart rate training is being able to relax, set ego aside (it will be firmly set aside on the very first run) and actually experience the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of running that are so often missed in the quest for more and faster. Running becomes a joy again instead of simply a challenge to past performances. Of course the side benefit is eventual faster times. Or even flipped around - if the main reason someone chooses to focus on purely the physical they will soon find the added benefits that go along with a slower pace. It's a win/win.

Peace,
Eric

Low Heart Rate Training Revisited

My first year of serious ultra running (well...running as a sport in general) I was fortunate enough to have someone help me with base building by introducing me to Low Heart Rate Training (LHRT) and it definitely helped prepare me for my first 50 mile event. Unfortunately I took the advice to a T and ignored some of the heavier work I had been doing (heavy kettlebell training) and lost some strength as well. This past year I have been gradually building back strength and my speed at it's best - but on a return visit to LHRT yesterday I was shocked to find that I couldn't keep my HR under 140. So maybe some base building again? It would be a good idea. Yet I'm not sure I want to take it to the extreme of a few years ago. Strength works stays. I have found a template that works well for me right now and don't wish to tamper with it. I also don't wish to lose speed even in the short term. This is what Triathlete Marc Allen calls his "patience phase" of training and it's understandable. I'm just not sure I'm willing to be that patient. It would be the difference of a 3.5 hour long run and a 5 hour run - or even more. I will be doing 30 mile training runs to prep for the 100 and even at my fastest that would be time consuming. So I'm assessing and re-assing my training. A recent purchase was John L. Parker's book on Heart Monitor Training and he as some different numbers to go by that may be more manageable and even has speed and tempo work as well. Basically it's a hard/easy philosophy to technically I could run a "hard" long run at a higher HR and pace if I make sure I follow it with my baseline LHR run. So that's what I'm thinking now and wanted to share. Thanks for reading!

Eric

The War Of Art

A recent blog post I read reminded me of the Book - The War Of Art, By Steven Pressfield -and what a positive impact it had upon my life. I first read this book in 2002 and the single thing that has stayed with me since is that writers, write - everyday. No excuses. I took this to heart and have missed two days in over 10 years. I recall leaping out of bed to write just a few lines on the rare occasion that I forgot to sit and write. I made an appointment with myself and took it seriously and applied it strictly. The words didn't have to be a masterpiece - or even that good. Words on a page became (and is) my mantra. For an amazingly productive period I wrote a poem a day for several years and was quite pleased with most of them. Five books of poetry sprung from this time. Personal issues seemed to interfere with the creative flow of poetry and writing a single poem, let alone a poem a day, became a struggle. Enter the blog - a perfect place to court the Muse, practice writing and fill a page with words - for better or worse. In the next week or so I will visit the sequel to The War Of Art - titled On Turning Pro and I hope to mine from that another 10 years of lasting inspiration.

Peace,
Eric

Standing In My Way

 

 

Between the observer and

observed -

is only me...standing in the

way.

 

~

If not for the ego - I would observe a tree, the sky, a rock - as an aspect of self that is different but not separate. An extension of self yet part of the whole. Of course the ego is a needed guide for navigating the material world. It's the identification of the ego as self that gets us into a bit of trouble. When things and people are viewed as entirely separate from ourselves we are apt to treat some as lesser, or more and all as so different that we can only relate in possible abstract terms. Quantum physics shows that their is no (real) place where a tree leaves off and the sky begins - there is only energy and patterns of energy. The same holds true for each of us as well. If I viewed you as an extension of myself, deserving of love and esteem in the same matter I wish for myself - would hurting you be even a remote possibility?

It's an interesting thought.

In the mean time I still very much block the view of how I wish to see the world.

But my vision is clearing.





Fueling For Vegan Ultra Runners

One of the big challenges for me on running the C&O 100 will be fueling correctly - meaning getting in enough calories to carry me through the miles without crashing. This of course is a challenge for everyone but it seems to offer a specific problem for vegans - what to eat? Aid Stations don't often stock the most vegan friendly food - nor for the most part even healthy choices. Most runners just want calories and that's understandable. I want calories that will fuel me, nourish me, aid in my recuperation even while I'm running, while the whole time staying true to my ethical standards. Fruit is the (almost) perfect standby but with the exception of a few are fairly low in calories and it just may not be feasible to consume so much while on the trail - not to mention that later in a race fructose becomes harder to tolerate for some on a stomach turning sour. On 50ks and 50 miles I have had great success with dates, bananas and the occasional Vega gel (date based, vegan) but even at this shorter distance I have experienced a stomach beginning to rebel from too much fruit. A longer race may be out of the question. We'll see as I plan to keep experimenting with the right combination - adding some fat and protein (almonds) to help absorb the sugar. I may try (well, retry) Hammer Perpetuem - which supposedly (not doubting just lack personal experience) would allow me to get by with less fuel. So Perpetuem, dates, and whatever fruit (and maybe the occasional pretzel - my weakness) is available at aid stations. I'm open for suggestions from all runners - not just the vegan kind.

Thanks!

Eric

Path With Heart (And Running an Ultra)

To the best of my ability I will make my 100 mile race and training a testament to the title of this blog. Training for the race won't be enough, finishing won't be enough either - the whole experience of the race - from training to the finish line will have to have heart. The best description of this path comes (again) from Carlos Castaneda -

The Path With A Heart

Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is not affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition.

I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. This question is one that only a very old person asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it.

I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart?

All paths are the same, they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere. My benefactor's question has meaning now. "Does this path have a heart?" One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

The trouble is nobody asks the question: and when a person finally realizes that they have taken a path without heart, the path is ready to kill them. At that point very few people stop to deliberate and leave the path.

A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.

For my part there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length.

And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.

 

 

~

Running with Spirit means choosing the path with heart - and following it through completion - that may mean 100 miles and yet again it could be 70, or 40 or even 10.

My intent is to run with heart, with spirit - for however far that takes me.

 

Peace,

Eric

Resentment and Space

Resent often fills up so much space within our hearts that there is no room left for the beautiful things we wish for to expand. In recent years there has been much talk of the Law Of Attraction and truly what we think about we can attract in our lives - however if there is no room to accept the good we wish for we will not be able to keep it. Forgiveness creates the inward space we need for the things we wish for by clearing out stale resentments and grievances. It's been said that nature abhors a void and this is true for our inner world as well. Once clear of resentments our life becomes a rush of beauty as it pours into our world. It's magic. Try it.

C&O Canal 100 Mile Endurance Run

I'm in - the C&O Canal 100 Mile Endurance Run - my first 100. Training actually started awhile back - I had my site set on this race since before Stone Mill 50 and wanted to continue training straight through. The focus will change however - it's concrete - a set date and a goal. That's when everything changes-  when a loose idea becomes fixed as an actual intent and the worlds focus come together to cooperate and lend aid. I'm excited - as much for the training and this focus as the race itself. Thanks to all who read for being part of this journey as well.

Peace,
Eric