A Certain Way

 A certain way:

that I should, or that things should be a certain way to reflect my own awakening - it was this for a very long time that kept me in a certain mind frame, believing that life would be degrees easier once I truly understood reality. 

of course I understand nothing, seeing how things are is not quite the same as understanding, the world is just too vast to grasp beyond this moment. What I really know are only aspects of right now, that things are this way without my call, or at least not in particular choices for that way the life unfolds. Things are exactly and only as they are and there's no point in asking if there is anything I should have done to make them otherwise. I only have this moment. 

in this same light there is no certain way for me to be right now, no specific mind-set of reaction, no calm acceptance of how life is. There's just what is, there is only my response, and sometimes it suits the mood and often too I'm left wondering at my own reaction. There is no certain way that life should be and this includes my own participation. I belong fully to the whole. 

but I do now find myself more at ease, abdicating responsibility for the way I believe life should be has brought me to a more responsive state of being. Not everything needs my control, nor a make-believe enlightened response. Life only needs my attention, and by this I don't mean mindful of every detail, or a measured approach to every thought and action. Just an an easy attention to how things are, relaxed, giving a nod to life as motion and already changing to something other, even as I prepare my argument against it now. It's hard not to find this all a bit amusing - serious, yes, but amusing in the faith of all my previous unmet demands and how I might suspect that this time things will turn out other, I will bend reality to fit my whims. 

but life continues to surprise. 

there really is no certain way - only life unfolding, mysterious, even in the moment it appears. I find no true way to prepare for this, and leave it all to grace of how things are, and the trust that life continues changing, flowing, motion always. 

~

Peace, Eric