How It Happens

How it happens: 

here's how it happens for me, thoughts surrender to my notice with no effort given to their departure, nor is there a wish to deny their return. Everything happens in its own grace of letting go and I am included fully in this process too. It's a relaxed, easy meditation, and now continues on its own without my tending to its care, natural, an ease of presence and simply being alive, breathing. 

nothing special, really.

and yet, there have been times when battles have been raged within my mind, thoughts in contradiction to my own preservation and best interest. I've come through the fires of self torment, believing myself of little worth, and not belong to the world. It's not that these thoughts, feelings, have completely disappeared, but that now, somehow, they gain no purchase in my mind, their grip no longer certain in their hold. They're faint visitors now, nothing more. 

there are still dark moods, depression, and presently a heavy grief with the loss of my father - and all of this occurs within an overall lightness of being, a seamless process of allowing these things to happen without need of interference, not pushing heaviness away for lightness to appear, but accepting the moment exactly as it is for now. I don't know how gravity works, how it happens, only that it's a present universal law that works without my notice, a force that pulls all weight towards the center of the earth. Somehow, with grace perhaps, I've come to my own gravitation pull, the mass of a lifetime worth of self battle falling to center, presence, my own allowing, open, nature. 

completely on it's own.

this is how it happens, I have no idea why, I'm only thankful that it does, that it's a universal gift, a shared gravity for all. Just knowing that it's present, always, spacious and aware, this seems to bring a certain sense of ease, lightness, a surrender to its pull. I don't need to know how gravity works for weight to be surrendered - I just let go, trusting...

~

Peace, Eric