Every Greatest Act

Every greatest acts:

it seems to me that my every greatest acts have been of kindness, that my only true accomplishments are measured through some grace and tenderness given, care. Through those times I somehow set myself aside and merged to a point of holding only one, or perhaps, no one really, but just the presence of love, so deeply expressed there was no room for another. Rare occurrences indeed. Yet I've been blessed with such occasions, fortunate to give myself away to this presence, and simply love as the only best, and last option. To the very end - it's only course available. 

my every greatest acts, have been of love. 

intangible, but only in a certain way, there's a memory of touching my father's shoulder as he died late at night, it was a touch deep to marrow, cutting through our fears and panic so that we might touch as souls for a very last, or maybe first, moment. I feel this even now, more real than memory, a last touch that persists in its presence, cellular now, lasting.

for many years I was a caregiver for my mother, her decline through Alzheimer's gave every opportunity to kindness, reaching past confusion and continuous loss to offer her something that she could know as real, solid. My mother was a teacher, and in this way she continued, her final years teaching me of a deeper grace, showing me the means to love through every loss.

it was her final act of kindness.

so now, in this moment of my own loss, not just grief but without any sure path to move forward - I ask myself for kindness, returning my own favor and love through this uncertainty. It's just another act of love, one more greatest act of kindness, tenderness given to my own wounds now. The role of caregiver has given and taught me so much, and more so, it has revealed a hidden depth, the readiness of love to make its presence known, always eager to appear, available in such subtle ways that only later they're remembered. I am my own caregiver now, and wish to be just as kind, patient, asking for love without fear of my own rejection. My every greatest acts have been of kindness, my only true accomplishment are really without measure, and through it all was love. 

and this is all I have to offer. 

~

Peace, Eric