Through Grief

Through grief: 

through grief is our connection, and with this we touch more truly, deeply healed of any sense of separation. I have no wish to lose this present pain, its sharp ache, tears that seem ever on the edge of falling. Yes, in time it will fade, memories viewed in fondness rather than the anguish of a fresh loss. But not now, not yet - this grief is our connection. 

the urge is to push this pain away, happier thoughts that bear little of this hurt, hoping for relinquish through momentary distraction. Or to be stoic, to hold my sadness well, strong, and carry onward. There are many paths through pain, some not even options but the only way we know to grieve. 

for me, right now, I think of Rumi's guest house, my grief a new arrival and I place no limit on its stay. This honored guest is free of any expectations, allowed to express itself as any moment calls for it to do. I cry without restraint, welcoming their release and silent fall. Through this grief I feel my father's nearness, his presence growing in my heart even as we prepare for the burial of his body. His true place is found now, not in memories, but this moment, now, every bit alive within me, the very life that I've been blessed with. The ache of his loss serves as a reminder of this, showing me that our real relationship was of the heart, untouched by distance, always present and alive. 

so I sit with this, unwilling to change a single moment of my grief. Everything belongs, both ache and denial, tears as well as a smile to the fond memories that appear. There is no wrong way to grieve, no plan to follow. Every moment is different, hurt arriving fresh, ever sharp, and can only be accepted. My father shows me the way even now, still guiding, providing me his love. Through this grief...

we come to our connection. 

~

Peace, Eric