Another Side

grief is often likened to a process, something to get through to find another side that offers us a promised peace. We're told that things get better, pain numbs to a dull edge that cuts less deep with every memory recalled. My own previous experience has shown this to be so, time eased the ache of loss, life continued much as it always had before. Through this I was able to smile at memories that once hurt to much to hold for long - I had completed the process.

reached the other side. 

yet life seems to show me otherwise now, grief ever present, keen, and it urges me to forget any promise of another side, that peace is an illusion of time and sorrow never lessens in its hold. And I know that this is true, not just believed but known deep to soul. There is no healing from loss, no process that guides me in a true and sure direction of feeling whole again. 

there's only right now,

and the grief of present moment, sharp, without promise of anything other. This is what I sit with, whatever happens now, accepting waves of sorrow, denying others even as they edge against me. But still sitting here, aware, allowing. What I find is that the present moment is all inclusive, that my struggle belongs in the same instant as acceptance, sorrow can coincide with joy. What I see is that there's no need to heal, that no process will ever make more whole than I am right now. Grief belong to this equation somehow, essential by virtue of appearing, keeping company to my sorrow. I have no wish to chase its presence away, not now, perhaps not ever. 

grief has shown me the way to this moment, again and so often again, sharp in its reminder. It urges me to forget the illusion of another side to this, that what's present is all that matters. It's here that I accept true loss, throwing away anything that hints of cherished beliefs of heavenly reunion reincarnation, promises of any kind. Grief holds me to reality, of what I know truly in this moment, keeping me honest - with this I carry on, continuing, present. 

through wholeness, there's not another side,

only this. 

it's a paradox of loss, and nothing ever being truly gone.

~

Peace, Eric