This Moment

This moment: 

perhaps the real, and only, power of this moment is in simply recognizing the nature of it's allowingness, its fluidity, that it remains when all experiences and events pass. This isn't to imply that the reality of this moment is separate from our actual experience in anyway, life is too seamless for this to be so, and we know from physics that space and time are really an exchange of ideas, one thing really, just a way for us to make organize and makes sense of our world.

this moment itself is all there is. 

that's reality, everything happening at once, and that means all things are really an illusion of items and events, not even existing on their own. Particles don't make atoms, and atoms don't construct a physical universe - they're one thing, atoms are particles, the universe is an expression of atomic structure. There's no sequence of events here, everything happens now. 

and so we see that there's only this moment, right now, and that we're alive with whatever experience is happening, not in anyway separate from these events. We're not mere witnesses to life, not simply an observer here, no, awareness isn't passive at all, it's dynamic, a process of creation and we're participants of reality, an expression too of the universe, of atoms, particles...motion. 

our real power is this motion, life, happening now. This moment is just a way of seeing the continuous activity of creation, it's our own creativity displayed over what seems a course of personal history, a series of events we label a lifetime. But really, it's not ours, it's just life itself, and we belong to the reality of this moment, a creation of temporary design, infinitely expressed, dynamic in display. 

this moment...is what we are. 

~

peace, Eric 

Intelligence

Intelligence: 

there's intelligence here, creative, innate to the universe itself - and I can only liken this to consciousness, being my own only point of reference that applies. The universe is self aware, it knows of it's design and proceeds in evolution, and we belong to the very fabric of its plan. The universe is God, all of it, from least speck of cosmic dust to our own display of life. 

everything is God. 

the great cosmologist Carl Sagan famously said that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, and to claim that everything is God surely should be backed by an argument beyond my faith. But truthfully, I have no real argument to make, no need to debate this issue to prove my point is right. I'm not a scientist, nor a theologian, my faith isn't of anything that needs proof to be provided. What I am is simply part of life, a self-ware aspect of an even greater expression of consciousness. I am witness to my own  innate intelligence function as a body and something larger too, that my heart beats without any direct effort of my will, breath drawing from an infinite source of air, sun and earth aligned just so for my life to thrive. 

my extraordinary proof is being alive. 

and this isn't offered as a claim of God's existence, that's just a term I use, poetic preference, and these are just words to note my own cosmic wonder. Somehow, the universe created me, made from scratch really, every particle arranged from infinite sources. Some scientist make the bold claim of random events developing to the point of consciousness, our own awareness, a pinnacle of achievement without deign or plan. My one claim isn't quite so bold, extraordinary, yes, but not without the required proof for me to show - everything needed to exist was provided for me without demand, life itself gave me all the ingredients for body and mind, an entire universe was arranged with intelligent care for me to recognize myself within this intricate design. 

that's God...

my own life displayed as proof and wonder. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Been Given

Been given: 

that its all been given, unasked for, an entire universe provided as a gift - I'm continuously amazed by my surroundings, the life that I have, that I exist at all even. It's all a miracle, everything, and I have caused none of it to happen, having been given spontaneously, so freely and abundantly to my every care. Life is indeed a miracle. 

let's consider the sun, placed perfectly in its distance from earth, being just the right size for its purpose, it's temperature not a fraction more than needed, bright enough to illuminate our entire world. We never ask for light, it's been given to us along with the infinite gifts depending on its touch. Our oceans are warmed to a life sustaining degree, plants are nourished by the sun's rays, the earth's atmosphere affected in ways that produce wind and rain. All from the sun's touch, even its gravitational pull keeps the earth in orbit at the exact distance needed for all of this to be so perfectly arranged.

sun light's been given, freely, and there's life because of this. 

each morning while preparing breakfast, I give thanks to everything that I trace back to the sun's touch, with fruit ripened to the right point of being offered, berries picked beneath it's rays, oats harvested from a sunlit field. I am nourished by the sun, fed by its light, having been given this exact moment to be awake, grateful, and alive. 

yes, it's a miracle. 

the sun, and all that thrives from it's existence....

it's all simply been given. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Math

Math; 

it fascinates me that some deep aspects of reality, a description of the function of the universe, can best be expressed through a mathematical formula. I have little aptitude for math, never progressing far with it in school and through the years after had little appreciate for its use aside from the basics that were needed, and even these were handled with no small amount of struggle. Math doesn't suit me. And yet I find that it expresses me so absolutely well. 

not that I understand it, not even a little bit, it's well beyond what my brain is capable of comprehending. But the mind itself is composed of math, information, performing the actuality of mathematics at a level of perfection. Everything is, effortlessly so, in reality we are mathematical geniuses, constructing the entire concept of a universe from scratch and then participating in its flow of ideas and understanding. It's not that we know we're doing this, not conceptually, and there's no need too, it's simply what we are, it's lived, expressed perfectly so through all we do.

everything. 

really, math is just a language, a way of communicating reality through shape, structures, information and numbers. It exists, and yet it doesn't, not independently so, it's not an actual thing that resides outside of us, again it's a language and we're mathematical creatures, speaking it fluently, effortlessly. It's the language of who we are, constantly expressed through the very fabric of the cosmos. 

and with a single equation an entire universal force can be shown, explained by this mathematical language, comprehended in a deep and meaningful way. That's the power of math, and even more so it's the innate power of what we most truly are, that in reality we are a mathematical expression, a gathering of ideas and information given the illusion of form. We 're not contained by an equation, that's only a symbol of a point within an infinite field of reality. Math provides us an easy name, a useful way of communicating our existence in the vastness of the universe. It's more of a demonstration than an actual explanation, as our ultimate truth remains a mystery without need of being solved. 

we are.

existence itself.

being.

and it's really that easy for us to know.

perhaps math does suit me after all. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Course

Course: 

I've always loved the spiritual text A Course In Miracles, from my first discovery it held a certain promise to me, that this was the way, if only I devoted myself to its page and practice I would reach enlightenment, or at the very least be a happier, more at ease person. It took me years to finally commit to finishing the workbook, completely the daily exercises, reading the entire textbook. This was no easy task, demanding, working diligently to diminish ego's hold on me. After years of starts and putting the exercises aside, and now fully committed to its study, I finished, a monumental year of study and surrender complete.  

and of course everything was just the same.

ego had its hold.

or perhaps maybe a little less so, it doesn't really matter, my ego is less of a concern now, as is enlightenment and showing signs of spiritual progress. That's not really what the Course is about anyway and it seems that even after years of study I had missed the point entirely. Only love is real, there it is, from its opening words the Course sets its agenda clear - the ego isn't the problem, it's simply an appearance, a lens through which we view the world. It's our identifying completely with the ego that leads to a troubled world. 

and so we find ourselves here. 

in a very troubled world. 

I'm no longer a student of the Course, although I often turn to it for inspiration, finding comfort in its words and some of the exercises still. The past few years have brought their own sense of surrender, life happens like that, providing loss and fulfillment without much effort from our part, and we learn from this if we pay attention to its flow. That first important lessons remains clear though, only love is real, and I see that more deeply now, living it in a way that only life delivers, brought here through loss and sorrow, grief, and ultimately the joy of surrendering to it all. 

just life. 

yes, it's a very troubled world, the illusion of power is held by a few who worship control, exploiting the less fortunate to gain even more, destroying the environment, causing irrevocable harm. That doesn't sound like love, it's not the reality that the Course wishes us to show. Is there an answer? A way out of this troubled world? 

honestly, I don't know, it seems doubtful, overwhelming really, too much for me to consider on my own. And yet, I do believe that only love is real, no, more so than a belief, it's a deep faith that life itself is the answer, it's the reality of love in display and practice. Only life is real, it seems obvious, and yet we take it so thoroughly for granted. We don't have to surrender, there's nothing to practice and no spiritual texts to study, unless we wish to, or it brings us joy and a sense of fulfillment in some way. Life provides us with every opportunity to grow, to let go of the past, forgive, to be embraced by the grace and love found only in in this present moment. It's all here, now, a complete course in life, love, and surrender.

perhaps that's the answer, that it's not really a troubled world at all...

it's just life.

and we're still learning how to live it. 

~

Peace, Eric 

To heal: 

 with my father's death just over a year ago, a series of health issues, mostly mild, but adding up to the longest stretch of discomfort and distress in my lifetime, and now added too with Bell's Palsy - it's been a difficult year. As it has for so many of us, economic woes, the pandemic still in play, political division, the violence of mass shootings so frequent now. It's an age of underlying stress, draining us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and carrying on through life as if unaffected by any of this won't provide us with the needed time to heal. 

and we certainly need to heal.

I need to heal. 

writing helps, expressing my concerns, sharing fears, and allowing myself the vulnerability that only true creativity provides, the deepest, most scared part of me revealed through words. Art is indeed therapy, even if it's shared with just a few, or no one at all really, as long as we allow ourselves to be fully expressed, vulnerable in all we offer. 

writing is my needed time to heal.

meditation is beyond my sanctuary, it's my own interior silence shown back to me, an exploration of my quietest point of mind and its spacious nature. It's here that I see that everything belongs, truly so, with no real distinctions made between preference and what occurs, how life flows without concern for my demands, simply offering itself through every possible expression. Meditation is just a moment of this, sitting still, allowing, a much needed time for me to heal. 

and motion...staying current with the world through mind and body, moving, walking, dancing across the landscape with the ease of our belonging here. Nature heals, and it doesn't have to be difficult to be effective, a moment standing in a garden, swaying with the caress of gently offered breeze, a soft and slow walk through woods and fields. Even a breath, drawn fresh and again given back to the sky in gratitude for its value, one breath...it's enough for us to heal. 

these are my means of healing, available to me now, and through their use I hope my own immediate world becomes a little kinder, a more gentle place to be around. 

it's what I have to offer. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Just Sitting

Just sitting: 

it doesn't have to cause anything, nor lead anywhere, it's not a tool for awakening, meditation is simply our own exploration, a moment to moment unfolding of who we are right now. It's the beautiful experience of just sitting quietly, moving ever inward and yet still finding the entire world, the universe, here, exactly where we are. We could call this awakening, Zen master Dogen likened meditation as the display of enlightenment, our inherent truth given show by our commitment to be silent and still. For me, it's just sitting, being, a vibration of mantra playing through a  seamless field of consciousness, a beautiful expression of being who I am, easily so, and there's no need for me to make it anything more than this. 

it's enough, just sitting...

being. 

the question is still often asked if this will lead to awakening, or if enlightenment will soon arrive - and there's really no ready answer for me to offer, there's no concern for that here, no thought given to what this could be called or where it ever leads to. Meditation doesn't hold a promise for something to occur, it's not a process with an end result in mind. It's its own thing, complete by itself, a journey without any destination, no place to be, we've already arrived...

just sitting. 

being who we are. 

for me, meditation is a continuous expression of life, art, a continuous display of what I am through every possible moment, nothing excluded, and that it all somehow appears through that seamless field of consciousness. Thoughts are not distractions here, silence isn't sought after, everything simply and so easily happens without any care or my concern. 

life appears. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Wished to Be Aware

Wished to be aware: 

 really, for me, it doesn't seem imaginable that consciousness could be discounted from the completion of the universe, that it would be a mere byproduct of a chemical reaction taking place entirely within the brain of animals, or even as an evolutionary process on a smaller scale for the benefit of survival. It makes little difference in my view how consciousness arrives, or at least individually in my concern, a chemical reaction sets the conditions just right as surely as if it existed all along. Yet that's what astonishes me so deeply, that the universe is ripe for consciousness to occur, streamlined for me to be aware of my very own existences. As if the universe wished to be aware of itself...

and I am simply a portion of its plan.

what I do is write lyrical prose, striving for a sense of poetry and beauty through my personal expression. I have the benefit of not needing to be right in any of my views, with little care to meet the opinions of others with any argument of my own. There are other writers for that, better suited to make their case in a scientific or philosophical sense. This is all stream of thought here, without interest in proof, just words being given freely to the page. 

and yet, 

there have been years of meditation, decades now, and a deepening note of my own consciousness and how seamless it seems to be expressed. A quiet mind finds no point of separation, not even from the occasional thoughts that may appear, everything just continues as a flow, perfect in its own way. Here, I find that there's only consciousness, just the simplicity of being alive, aware, and participating with the universe in my particular manner, unique, perfect too in my own way. I can't discount myself from the completion of the universe, nor exclude my own individual awareness from the whole. 

it's all here.

as if the universe wished to be aware..

and I was perfect for this role. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Earliest Light

Earliest light: 

it's important to consider earliest light, not emitted from stars themselves, and well before their formation actually, but the light that existed just moments from the Big Bang's sudden burst of energy, the universe in it's first formation of forming who we are. This earliest light, primordial, is present even now, it's what Astrophysicist call the Cosmic Microwave Background, being the afterglow of the original expansion, predating matter - and perhaps our first glimmer of a sense of self-awareness. I'm perfectly aware of this stretch of imagination, likening consciousness with with this ancient cosmic glow, and I can almost feel the weight of so many scientist's offering their frown as I type these words. 

yet this earliest light is indeed our common ancestor, as certainly as first human's evolution and earlier still to the single-celled organisms as life's original existence. More than an ancestor though, this is something that exist right now from the very hint to of our creation, it permeates our universal background, acting as the template for this cosmic scenery to unfold. It's actually what we are, our larger body really, intangible as form, energetic, and yes, being self-ware. 

of course I offer no proof of this, at least none that's provable to a scientific mind - but really though, it's not evidence I'm seeking, nor even confirmation. This earliest light is still existing now, inseparable from my own touch of the universe, acting as my energetic body. I am lit by this primordial light, shining as its self -awareness, and there is nothing of any true substance to disprove this. That I am aware, right now, is the result of all that's ever occurred before, I am the end point and on-going reach of this earliest light of creation, as we all are, evolving, co-creating...

a universe of our own existence. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Cherished

Cherished: 

some morning are quieter than others, my mantra seemingly leading me to greater depths of meditation and silence, outside sounds more subtle in their arrival. Yes, these are the mornings that I most love, feeling undisturbed by any passing thought, peaceful, content to simply sit and let words find me for early writing. Yet not every morning is like this, I live with someone who has a love of television through all hours, often waking at a similar time to match my meditation and writing, even though it's well before the first hint of dawn. As well, my house is not remote, a street directly behind my meditation/writing room, traffic though odd hours, music often playing loud, an occasional siren nearby. Not all the time, but often enough for their to be a comparison of noise to my most cherished quiet mornings. 

and all of this is fine. 

those quiet mornings now cherished even more in their appreciation, that they are gifted, and not to be taken for granted by their presence. More so, I've come to note the degrees of silence offered, how there's always an underlying quality to the acceptance of sound, grace, never once a rejection of whatever's played through its ever present hold. That's the end result of every meditation really, reaching this depth, this all accepting field of silence. I believe that this is really what's most cherished, and that it's always available, offered to me at every moment and that it's foolish of me to not recognize this through any amount of sound. 

silence is always present, not exclusive to my most cherished mornings, but here, now, and only waiting to be recognized through its disguise of sound and noise. There is no need for me to chase this, waking earlier and earlier to escape certain sounds, although I'll always give my preference to those cherished, more quiet mornings. They are a gift after all, and will always hold a certain ease for me, a comfort and calm to start my day. 

and with this I'm able to accept whatever comes each morning....

knowing that the true depth of silence, is always immediately found. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Creatively at Home

Creatively at home; 

my own thoughts are that meditation isn't anything special, and yet still it's imperative to my day, and yes this certainly seems a contradiction, it is really, but it's exactly how things are for me. I'm fine with that, life is never a static display of one idea alone, it's too dynamic, constantly in flow, and meditation is simply an aspect of this that calls for me to join, a calmer point of motion, and here I find myself creatively at home, playful in the dynamics. 

so in essence, meditation is just another mode of being, one given to less attachment to thought, a committed sense to listening to the seamless world of my own interior silence as well as life through all of it's sounds. Nothing is excluded here, it's just sitting, welcoming whatever condition now arises, and returning to the vibration of my mantra, easily, carried on, deeper to that well of silence. There's no point of achievement here, I'm not striving for a quiet mind, there's just love for this moment, how the mantra plays through an ocean of silence, surfacing at times with thoughts and idea, and then once more submerged to hidden depths stillness. 

again, here, I find myself creatively at home. 

 it's that simple. 

of course the question that's often asked is does it lead to awakening, or is it a means of attaining enlightenment - and my answer is that I have no idea. It might, as it has a long tradition in so many spiritual culture of helping in this way. That counter-point is that it reaffirms the sense of being a seeker, continuing the belief that we are somehow found separate from the very source of which we already are. This might be true ass well, perhaps often so in this modern world of instant gain and gratification. Or, at some point, all of these notions are simply let go of, surrendered to the surface area of our thoughts, and then meditation becomes that deep ocean plays as mention above. There's no real struggle here between here between seeking and attainment, meditation is an artful display of what is present right now, placing us at the very moment of a thought's manifestation. We are creatively at home here, exactly where we are, and meditation brings us to this aware, as if waves are settling....

and an ocean's depths appears.

here, always, all along. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Presence

Presence: 

it's presence, clear, unencumbered by the weight of thoughts, and yet all allowing to their passage and the length of time they might linger. That's really what the search is for, the seeker's quest, just the simplicity and ease of simply being exactly as we are right now. The search itself may be amazing, taking us to deep states of consciousness, arriving to other worlds through the use of shamanic techniques and the use of magical substances. But the end result is always here, our only true home, presence, and it's who we are, right now, without need of any search at all. 

presence is who we are before our sense of self-identity takes a firm and certain hold, it's our birthright, our clearest point of being. It's never lost, but it's soon forgotten in our rush to enter the busyness of life, to make our place known within the world. This is what we yearn for through the years of stress,as we attempt to earn our place in life, a return to what we believe is gone, thinking that we somehow lost the innocence that we once had so long before. 

yet presence remains.

always. 

and it is innocent, that's our original sense of being, unmarred by any other beliefs of who we are, it's the true and only garden and we were banned from our return. Of course this is so often the mistake, to write of it as if it's a place outside our present moment, somewhere not here, and with the proper means and methods we could return to there, eventually finding our way home. Presence is without a true place, there are no borders here, no boundaries or constraints. Before a thought becomes present, we are, as we think, presence remains, as every thought eventually passes - we are here, stillness itself, silence, simply and only beingness. 

there's really no search for this, it's right here, not as something that we become, but always being the simplicity of who we are, this very moment, no practice needed for our return. Presence is what we are, and it can never not be what we are. There is no return.

we are here. 

always. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Ritual of Our Embodiment

 Ritual of our embodiment: 

here's what's occurring right now, just a few of the infinite things that are happening for us to be alive and thriving as an expression of life, it's the ritual of our embodiment. We are vibrated into being, somehow, many physicist suggest the role of Strings that are so much smaller than even the tiniest particle imagined and that from their particular arrangement and vibrations the physical universe becomes in the form larger, more familiar particles, that in turn build into atoms. With this we have our own raw material, a template now for our construction, atoms forming molecules, followed by our individual cells, and soon the vital parts that make a functioning body.

 of course the entire universe is involved as well, the perfect placement of the sun to make this a livable world, moon being charged with stability of climate and motion of the ocean's tide, rainfall, trees acting in exchange of gas for breathable air, and that everything that seems separate from our concern is in truth inter-acting for the benefit of all. 

and so we have our familiar life.

and that it evolved from a near eternity of changing form, a sea-life of single cell, continuously adapting to the atmosphere, striving in varieties of life and improvement of survival. There is an endless strand of DNA that traces us to the roots of the ocean floor all the way mankind's earliest expression. We are here because our ancestors found ways to thrive within the world, exploring through harsh environments, being capable of change and clever in their approach to staying alive. They tie us here, to earth and elements, having evolved to the very point of who we are. 

all of this is essential to the ritual of our embodiment.

but only in prelude, just a basic understanding that we bodies of earth as well as stars, we are vibrations from cosmic strings of energy, we are the DNA of ancestors traced all the way to the ocean's floor. We are first life. Our ritual of embodiment is on-going, right now it's our current breath drawn through the cooperation of the entire ecosystem of life involved, it's the grace of our bodies acting in benefit from smallest cell to every vital organ, that we are alive without having to give any of this a single thought at all. Everything is involved in this ritual of embodiment, nothing can be excluded from this, and still with all that's mentioned it's mystery of who we are, how we became aware that we are conscious participants of this whole affair. 

but we are...

and that's the true and only ritual of our embodiment.

we are life, of earth and stars, an ineffable beingness of light and imagination. solid and at once intangible. We are bodies and equal soul, a quality of spirit that cannot really be described. What we are...is aware, 

and all this, 

is the ritual of our embodiment. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Of my Smile

Of my smile: 

yesterday morning I lost a slight portion of my smile and large part of my day as I sat in a hospital, multiple test, ruling out the possibility of a stroke and confirming a case of Bell's Palsy. The left side of my face literally won't smile. The vision in my left eye is a little off too, blurred, and weirdly, I'm unable to wink with my right eye, as my left won't cooperate to help make this happen. Drinking and eating is just a little more difficult, but I should be able to manage. Oh, and I can't whistle, a small loss, but I seem to miss it, or at least being able to. A round or two of the proper medication should be able to knock this out of my system, a few weeks, possibly several months.

it's odd that I miss the feel of my smile, something I don't believe I've given much thought to over the years, or ever maybe. It has me considering the infinite things I most likely take for granted, such as the ease of eating an apple, which is considerably more difficult for me know. Even drinking my morning cup of coffee as I write this requires a degree of mindfulness not present before. This will prove to be an interesting time. 

so the smile that remains is crooked, lopsided, not bad really, but certainly not my usual, not my old and familiar expression of joy. It feels off, not wrong, just not mine. At least for now, and perhaps by the time I'm used to it the medication and some therapy work will have helped to return my own. I seem to miss it more than my regular vision, which is strange as the blurriness robs of some of most cherished time, only being able to read for shorter periods before it becomes to difficult to focus. But I still have a few moments through the day that allow me to capture a paragraph or two.

yet I do miss the familiar feel of my smile.

odd that I should focus on that. 

but not really maybe, smiling is such a gentle action, joyful, and generally comes invoked by beauty, small things of comfort, the presence of another. Right now I am half smiling at the thought of this, all the beautiful things surrounding me now, little miracles occurring, that life carries on and allows me this deep appreciation. Honestly, there is no half smile, my heart is full of wonder and gratitude and it shows through the slight lift of my right side. 

and that feels familiar. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Astounding

Astounding: 

it's all pretty astounding, and I mean everything, the universe itself and how it came to be, and even more so that it's still in expansion, creating the very spacetime needed for the reach of its existence. Here's one more amazing thing - we're no less than the universe itself, aspects equal to the whole, participants in this expansion. It's astounding to think that everything the universe needs to thrive is self-created, there literally is no outside for support, no place else to gain material, and we still only have hints and theories of how this is at all possible. 

if I were writing of cosmology, string theory, and quantum gravity, this short essay would already be done, completed with the first admission that I know so little of these topics, and being unqualified to comment on even the small amount I seem to understand. This is about our own cosmology, a personal account of our own expansion, being no less that the universe itself we are perfectly qualified to speak of our belonging here, of our creative capabilities, participants of this universal design.

the universe is our story.

and it's astounding.

that's the joy of meditation, for me at least, that through gentle and easy repetition of mantra I am again reduced to the purest vibration of true being, just existence, the first frequency of my creation. How do I know that this is so? Well, honestly, I don't know anything at all really, and don't pertain to offer this as being true, only what's experienced in the deepest heart of meditation and then given as the best description that I'm able. This is more myth than factual, a fable of my personal cosmology, and doesn't have to meet the standards of scientific minds. 

only my own. 

and that's the astounding things, or one of them, that I am creating my own mythology through each moment, telling a story of my own self-creation, of how a vibration of particular words, my mantra, is traced all the way to the primordial strings that give first cause to all existence. And it happens right here, my meditation bench placed right before an eastern facing window, catching the earliest light of dawn, feeling the touch of light dawning as another day. That's my creation story, a myth of meditation and vibrations, my cosmology of dawn and eastern facing windows. 

for me, each morning...

it's perfectly astounding. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Of My Life

Of my life: 

for much of my life I believed that I never lived up to the expectations of others, and worse, that my own sense of being accomplished was largely unfulfilled. I lived my life with an almost always present feeling that I had disappointed myself and those who knew me, never quite being who I was supposed to be. I was sad, quite often, and that was how my life was, based solely on the beliefs that I was supposed to be something other than I already am. 

sad, indeed. 

 I can't say that I've entirely broken away from this, a belief system in place for a lifetime, installed from the earliest age of being told by others that I had a specific role to play for the operation of the world, that I was at once special in a certain sense, and yet also needed to fit in and play my role well. It was nobody's fault, not even my own, it's just what everyone believed. It's how the world worked. so few ever broke through this line of reasoning and simply lived their life as a free expression of being happy and complete exactly as they are. We all had expectations handed to us in this way, they were never really questioned, and most quickly learned to thrive with these beliefs and are probably most content and even happy. For much of my life I was envious of them. 

here's what's different now, I no longer believe that I was meant to be anything other than what I am right now, and that is life itself, a unique and only once appearing expression of the world's fulfillment, my role already succeeded through just my existence alone. Anything else accomplished is a bonus, my dharma, my own unique path, is in being here, present, and aware that this is so. My happiness is based solely upon this existence, nothing else truly needed, but finding joy too in all the things that are added on, the bonuses that life has offered. 

I'm not completely free, a lifetime of conditioning hasn't entirely been forgotten, but mostly so, those beliefs are held so lightly now, almost weightless in their hold, and life is so much easier without those expectations holding me down through me own sense of disappointment. For the rest of my life I am free to be exactly as I am, what I am, and nothing has to be accomplished. 

I am...

and it's always been so. 

for much of my life it was forgotten. 

but it's remembered now. 

~

Peace, Eric 

My Own Approach

My own approach: 

it's always been more of curiosity, never really a driving passion that takes me to an extreme, but gentle, to simply explore the nature of my mind and identity, a relaxed approach to knowing who I am. It's been been said that to truly realize this ultimate truth, deeply so, it has to be similar to someone drowning and their desperate need for another breath - this seems to be true for many and I don't imagine myself to be the exception to this rule. But my own approach is different, again just an easy curiosity of experience, being watchful of the wave of thoughts that play through what appears to be an otherwise silent mind, exploring every shifting frame of reference, each belief I tightly hold, all the things that shape my current view on who I truly am. 

and of course it's then surrendered, every answer...

my own approach is letting go. 

many wise, insightful people have given me answers through the years, some may have even been enlightened. Yet I've never been interested in holding someone else's answer as my own, although I do have a keen interest in what's offered, an appreciation of their view and the path they took to come to their realization. My own approach is curiosity, not really seeking, as that would imply an end point, an ultimate answer, and there's little interest for me their. Each moment holds something elusive and at once knowable by experience, not truly a paradox, there's no contradiction here, just reality, and it only becomes confusing with an attempt to be told, given as an answer to another. 

my own approach is to simply know, to experience...

and a continuous letting go. 

there's no need for enlightenment with an cosmos for play, no single ultimate answer to hold on to - awakening never ends, and perhaps enlightenment itself is simply curiosity. My own approach urges my surrender, to continuously, ever gently, explore the present moment and every possibility of its arrangement. If enlightenment is anything then it's motion, ongoing, and yet always present just the same - and with this, still curious...

I continue to explore. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Of The Wind

of the wind. 

wind, easily defined as the movement of air at any speed, its origin explained by uneven heating of the earth by the sun and the earth's rotation. From here the science gets more involved, complex, any in depth examination of its cause and the many systems of its currents is well beyond my understanding. But I know the wind in a very real and natural way, we all do, it's a quality of experience, felt gently on the skin as a cool caress offered on a summer's day, or a sharp winter's gust that cuts through every layer of clothes and chills deeply to the bone. The wind doesn't really blow against us, it's not an outside force that's separate from our involvement, no, it's an event that we belong to, joined to it fully by our own experience and participation. 

we are fully of the wind in every way. 

as I write this, still so early and well before the sun's consideration, there is a breeze in strong whisper to the trees outside my room. I hear the rustle of branches and the few remaining autumn leaves are blown free, joining those that now sweep against the ground to wind's delight. There's a story here, told of the wind and it's far travels to reach this point, of the stoic nature of trees, how they bend to the breeze, branches often lost, and their root deep hold within the earth  It's my story too now, listening, feeling some primordial response within me, a soul's urge to join the breeze, the strong desire of my body to extend itself within the earth, anchored, rooted with the hold of every tree. 

it seems that I'm an even of epic proportions. 

but not really, not in a way that's so easily stated - because mostly, even as a listen to this story of the wind, of trees and earth, mostly, I have vanished in the breeze, each stir of wind against my window carries me away, and their is simply and only a sweep of air, just a caress now, no objects, it's all motion, and the story of the wind and all that it touches comes after, later, as objects reappear....

as I reappear.

writing of the wind, of trees and earth,

and my own participation. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Exposed

and then finally we're left exposed, our true sense of beingness simply laid bared, a deep inner silence prevails and is found to be our original peace of mind. That's the art of meditation, an easy journey of mantra, of listening to its subtle play of sound, a vibration, and then exposed as being a silent field of information, an allowing space for thoughts to pass by, feelings to exists, and that everything belongs here by virtue of appearance. 

nothing is excluded.

 we don't chase a quiet mind, there's no need, we exist as silence, as presence, undisturbed by thoughts or sound. Meditation is our exposure, a revelation really, we're left being exactly who we are, without identity to gain purchase, raw, primordial in our truest sense. This doesn't come by any effort, it's not achieved in any sense - it's the mantra that leads us here by its vibration, or the breath as it grows ever more subtle through the gentle note of our attention. Whatever means we use it's all finally the same, we're left exposed, revealed, knowing ourselves as presence, dynamic, alive. 

beingness. 

it's nothing special, it's just what we are, life, a bare essence that holds the taste of personality, a play of duality, having a sense of being separate from other aspects of the world. Meditation exposes us as whole, unified, that it's all simply and only presence, soul. It's nothing special, and yet magical just the same, to be revealed as this, finally, through the long years of our forgetting. Meditation isn't the cause for this, neither mantra nor breath create this state of mind. More truly, it's not a state at all, but again being that bare essence that allows this sense knowing ourselves, awareness in its most primordial way. 

through layers, discarded...

we're exposed.

and all that's left is who we are. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Cold Mornings

Cold mornings: 

cold mornings are difficult, harder to move from under the covers and begin the rituals of my day, joints stiff, an ache of middle age that's growing deeper through the years. There's many reasons to stay in bed a little longer, allowing the day to gain in light and warmth, some extra sleep to help keep me sharp and alert later in the day, or simply to extend the warmth of covers and bed for just a bit more. But there's something special to these colder mornings as well, magical, as it seems a deeper quiet prevails at this hour, life waits to stir until the sun begins to warm the world. 

these cold mornings are completely my own.

that's what draws me from bed, risking the discomfort of that first step from bed and the crisp bite of air that greets me. I wake early, most especially eager on these cold mornings, in order to embrace that deep quiet, knowing that for just longer moments the world will be so private, a sense of aloneness hanging in the air, and not even my own thoughts wish to disturb this silence. 

a deeper quiet prevails.

and so it's the same cold that tempts to remain in bed longer, burrowed in blankets, warm, and yet now it draws me out to face its discomfort, urging me to sit, meditate, listening to the silence that it offers. Cold mornings are difficult, there's little real reason to wake so early, my actual day would be much the same, and perhaps the extra sleep and warmth would serve me well, better, at the very least it would extend my comfort. That's no small thing, being mindful of self-care, offering myself a little kindness in the morning, just an easier way to begin my day. Yet it's the same cold that draws me forward, easing from my bed, a bit slower now in middle years, but know they'll soon be magic, a quiet world, a few hours undisturbed by even my own opinions, thoughts being brief and passing, as if my mind has been cleansed by the cold morning air - and only my soul remains in silence. 

a deeper quiet prevails,

and for this...

I wake early, eager for the morning. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Touch of Light

Touch of light: 

it's been warm lately, early November and has felt much more like the first beginning of fall and not so near the start of winter. But the days are shorter now, less light for the sun's appreciation, and deep down I feel the approach of colder weather and darkness of the season's mood. I'm not limited to just a few months depression, it's not seasonal, yet winter strikes me harsh and a certain sadness seems to linger a bit longer than other times of the year, being harder for me to the coldness from my bones. So I am grateful for this touch of light, a last reach of the sun's warmth and comfort. 

I don't take this light for granted.

well, that's not entirely true, there's an assumption here on my behalf, I know that light will always somehow reach me and that's been my one true salvation. In a sense, for me at least, depression has always been seasonal and subject to the change of light. It has never paralyzed me as it has for so many others, keeping me completely in the dark, remote from others, motionless as the world passes. There's always been this hope for the return of light, and I know how blessed I am by this, that overall depression is less acute for me than it is for some others, and that to even have this hope for light is a gift that somehow keeps the worst away. I've seen how severe depression can be, darkness so bleak, not a hint of light remains, with no hope for its return at all. 

I don't take this hope for granted. 

or really, it's faith, I simply know how my inner seasons work now, there's been a lifetime of swings from darkness to light, recognizing the signs of my depression, just as same as that first hint of brown frames an early autumn leaf, there's a sense that it's presence is near, some longer days of darkness are approaching. I now take greater self-care, not to keep depression at bay, but to prepare myself for its length of stay, a reminder to have faith that light returns to me. 

I don't take this faith for granted. 

so now, winter's near, these last few days of warmth and sun have reached me, providing me with just enough hope, a bit of faith....

and I am grateful for this touch of light. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Sacred Topic

Sacred topic. 

politics, it's a topic I seldom turn to here, reserving this place for subjects held sacred to me, my own expression of art, spirit, thoughts on meditation, nature and science. My interest is in exploring and writing of these themes through poetry and prose. Yet politics is an interest as well, having a passion for a better world, safer, and protective of its environment and people. 

it's sacred topic too.

of course it doesn't often feel that way, so much infighting and squabbling over petty issues far from the needs of people and planet. Science and facts too often seem dismissed, as does the well-being of those less fortunate among us, people struggling for a proper living, seeking a better life through immigration, or simply holding on to certain rights that should be inalienable by law. Yes, politics is a sacred topic by these virtues, worthy of poetry and prose, and I will allow myself turn my attention here more often, writing further on these lines of interest.

right now, it's my usual early writing time, right after a long stretch of meditation, enjoying coffee and the quiet sounds about me. It's the morning after election night and I've yet to check results, anticipating a change of power that might upset the very very fabric of the country, taking a mean spirited turn towards harming a women's right to reproductive choice, refusing to even acknowledge the environmental crisis, harmful treatment of those seeking asylum, and a frightening embrace of true authoritarian figures. These are hard times for democracy, for the protection of our rights and the safety of the planet. As of now, I have no idea in which direction the country has turned. 

it's often said that it's a split electorate, a much divided nation. I'm not sure I believe it, the population itself trends towards an advance in science and education, having deep environmental concerns, strong desires to help the less fortunate. None of that is really political, it's basic human values, compassion, caring for the planet, for our neighbors. Those are sacred topics, and with politics being the means that we can be most helpful to the largest extent possible. Sadly though, it's turned tribal, and us vs. them mentally penetrating deep within the soul of the nation. It's now, at this pivotal point, that politics must return to it's truly sacred origins, governing from the heart, individually as well as collectively. Honestly, I don't know how to do this, not overall at least, not on such a large and overwhelming scale. 

but I do know how to write, to express myself creatively lending my voice to poetry and prose.

to write of sacred topics. 

and so I free myself to write of politics, my own way, through my own voice and terms, expressing my view in a unique and creative way. Politics itself is simple, it's about one thing only and that's helping the people that it represents, it's not meant to be given a fake power to wield against others, not even those who appear to be another, different tribe; There are no enemies here. None. Only a lack of understanding, a failure of education and outreach of compassion. We are of one tribe, and it's truly universal, inclusive, and extends to the deep roots that hold us to the planet. 

finishing this, my early morning writing and last sip of coffee - and soon the news will greet me, I'll see which way our nations turned. These are scary times, so much is unknown as to how each political decision immediately effects us let alone for generations yet to come. But we know the right choice, deeply so, even if it's layered by tribalism and the false narrative of media and beliefs preached to us by others. The choice is always kindness, difficult at times, yes, but never impossible, and not quite naive as we imagine. Politics is the voice of sacred subjects, it's our voice and it's time that we reclaim it. 

and now, my own voice expressed...

I'll meet the day. 

~

Peace, Eric 

A Few Words

A few words: 

it only takes a few words, my obligation isn't to fill the page, but only to note it briefly with my presence, showing that I arrived so early in the morning to allow myself this creative moment. Art is for its own sake, and the first commitment is always to simply show up, prepared for inspiration, being ready to capture whatever words or visions that happen to appear. Before dawn is best for this, being an instant between worlds, and with a hush that seems almost holy in its feel - it's the perfect time for poets to receive words, a shaman's time, a mystic's, it's when inspiration is heard most deep and clearly. 

and it only takes a few words.

the promise I made years ago, several decades now, was to write daily, making no excuses, not allowing myself to be concerned by inspiration, trusting in its presence, that it appears when I show up and commit myself to simply sit, listening to the silence of the early morning. My promise has little to do with writing anything of great meaning, there's just a mere hope for something of beauty - and all that's ever been asked for is a few words to show, confirming my faith in inspiration's presence, and to then leave a note behind that fulfills my promise to be here, listening, willing to receive those few words given.

not a single day's been missed.

it's been a fairly easy promise to keep, there's no pressure as to what's to be written, no count of words, nothing to be achieved. I'm writing for the sake of writing, a practice without purpose aside from joy, the happiness of being true to the nature of my dharma. I'm a writer, not by declaration, and certainly not by anything I've written before, the past has no hold on my present inspiration - I am a writer because of these few words now written, a brief note, and that I showed up this morning, sitting, listening, patient, having faith in inspiration's presence. 

I am a writer...

because I'm here. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Profound Appreciation

Profound appreciation: 

that every life is a beautiful expression of some sort, in some inexplicable way, and having a dharma of its own, a purpose beyond my understanding - my role then is of support, to bring no harm to this world, offering only my most profound appreciation for having found myself present to its beauty. This is how I wish to navigate through life, not just a witness, but as a deep participant, being an expression with my own unique beauty, entwined with others, immersed thoroughly in my every encounter, and with a most profound appreciation for having this sense of being alive, aware, and with a dharma of my own. 

my purpose is life, as is yours...

each being a beautiful expression. 

this isn't something that we do, it's not a practice, but more of a symptom of being alive and growing ever deeper in love with who we truly are. Life breaks us open with its beauty, that everything is so brief in its appearance, continuously changing even as we sometimes wish to halt the world and simply love something as it appears right now for just a moment longer. Yet life always moves on, shattering us with the briefness of our length of stay here, and that we are left only with that sense of profound appreciation for knowing this, for being aware that each moment is temporary,  just a beautiful expression, shifting and ever changing in some inexplicable way. 

and knowing this, recognizing the briefness and beauty of each expression, every life is then seen as a prayer in some deep and meaningful way, a grateful exclamation of simply being alive and aware, profound in our appreciation that we have somehow found ourselves here. This is our awakening, right now, seeing this, the everyday magic of our existence, all that we've been given, unasked for, continuously changing, shifting, yet always, always....present. 

our purpose is life, and for this - 

we offer our most profound appreciation.

~

Peace, Eric 

Blood Pressure

Blood pressure: 

every morning I check my blood pressure, it's not an health issue, being always in the low end of the healthy range, my heart rate in the mid 40's, and right now, no real concerns about my well-being. This is just a hold over from the last days of caring for my father, when I needed to check certain vital signs throughout the day and I established the habit of checking my blood pressure along with his along with our casual morning conversation. There is no real reason for me to continue this practice, diet, yoga, pranayama practice, meditation, as well as an intense fitness practice keep my blood pressure in check and my low heart rate low. But it's a connection with my father I've yet to break, even after a year now, not so much as reminder, or even a ritual, just a moment that's still shared with him, our easy conversation still shared in my early morning silence. 

it's a nice connection, one I cherish.

some morning, there's a good chance that I might forget to do this, with my blood pressure not being a real concern and days passing into years since there was a true need for this action as a habit, it might completely slip my mind. It happens that way, a careless forgetting and the morning continuing on, just a small thing missing and not noticed until later. Things like this aren't meant to last too long, trapping is in past actions that no longer really serve a purpose. They're meant to be let go, I know this, but for right now it continues, I remember every morning, checking my blood pressure, hearing my father's voice deep within my soul, just an easy morning conversation. 

it's one more connection, and I'll let it continue on, at least until that careless forgetting.

yet our conversation, that's what's lasting, it's as sure as the morning itself, deeper than any habit, beyond the need of a simple ritual of practice. It's a current conversation, still vital, full of wisdom and compassion. I will always here my fathers voice, he speaks to me through my daily actions, small decisions made with a care that he helped design, all the little things he taught me through the years expressed through my own life now. 

what I do each morning isn't really important, it's only continued as a reminder, a means of invoking a presence already and always here. But I'll continue it for now, I enjoy how it fits within my day, a carry over from another purpose, caregiver, and it seems that it's still needed, that there's a need for me to express a certain care, and more so, to feel this deep connection, a conversation...

stills shared in he early morning silence.

~

Peace, Eric 

Kinder Approach

Kinder approach: 

fitness, strength training, health in it's every facet, have always been a lifelong passion for me. Even when my own lifestyle fell short of the overall goal of well-being, there was always some aspect of pursuing some sort of fitness agenda since I was a child. Through the years the modality of training has changed fairly drastically, from bodybuilding style training, powerlifting, martial arts to years of running ultramarathons, but the one consistency was training intelligently and passionately to reach my certain goals. That hasn't changed, and now at 57 the passion remains the same and is balanced even more by the need for intelligent training. I still run, but walk quite a but more, not from necessity, it's now based on the enjoyment of my surroundings, a slower pace of appreciation and a kinder approach to my body. There are still some quite punishing sessions of training, mostly bodyweight, military style burpee sessions, with pullups, multiple pushups, squats, and these will often last up to an hour. They're grueling and I've been doing them daily, having a streak going on now of almost a year of daily training. It's as much for my mind as it is my body, an emotional demand of expanding energy, chasing reps for no real purpose other than to find myself exhausted of the need to pursue things any longer. 

this style of training, much like ultrarunning, depletes me of my ego.

it's a vision quest through motion. 

the numbers themselves don't really matter, there's little difference between one days output and the next, repetitions varying each session, and my body performs differently everyday. That's another important aspect, surrendering any expectations, allowing my body to tell me exactly how it would like to perform each day and trusting in its wisdom. I liken this to a Taoist style to training, it's a kinder approach as well, intuitive, listening to my body's energetic waves of motion. 

and listening is important.

that's the essence of a kinder approach, that I listen to what my body tells me, it's soft murmur of energy while walking, soaking in the fractal vibrations of natures designs, and all in contrast to the rush of motion of a harder run or a session of intense training. It's all based on listening to my body, my true body, which consists of every aspect of emotion, spirit, and the environment too - there's a langue here, earth speaking to my stride air expressed as breath, the energy of the entire cosmos told through the motion of my body. I hear it all, deeply listening, becoming fluent in this conversation.  

it's a kinder approach because of this listening, deepening through the years, urging me to listen to the more quiet whispers now, secrets only my true body knows, I'm not chasing reps, nor depleting myself of ego any longer, that's all a game of numbers and mind. Nothing is pursued...and the nature of my true body is gained through this approach. 

~

Peace, Eric 

For the soul: 

it's for the soul of the nation, that's what we're voting for, it's on the ballot and the outcome will reflect the type of people we wish to be, the world will see us as we truly are. Voting is no longer really a political issue, we're less concerned with policies than we are with tribal beliefs, choosing a side based on our emotional response and not really dealing with the facts on many matters. Or so it seems. Now is our chance to show otherwise, an opportunity to vote directly from the heart, which is always based on love, kindness, and compassion. Now...we're voting for the soul of the nation. 

I am fearful of a tribal nation, warring over issues that should be of a personal concern, things that should be protected as a right in its freedom of expression, a matter of choice. I don't believe that we are a Christian nation, not solely, with religious freedom being the foundation of our country, it's bedrock, and this also means being free of and from the doctrines of religious thought, no values but our own should ever be a leading factor in our personal lives. Yet I do believe that we are a soulful nation, a people of great and sure spiritual values. I hope that's true. What I would like to see is leader's displaying guidance from what Aldous Huxley called the perennial philosophy, the underlying values of all religious thought, a current of kindness and compassion that runs throughout our every spiritual belief. 

but I may be an idealist in that way. 

although I do believe that this is a very practical matter, indeed, that kindness is in order for our political survival, more so, our lives will be in jeopardy by its absence. Warring tribes will never heal a nation, hatred for a fellow countryman will keep us divided as a people, and even the most religious person will defy their values to protect and serve their tribal beliefs over the welfare of another. Kindness matters, always and in all things. Especially politics. Mostly though, it's not really an issue of politics or religion, as at the core of every religious belief and the essence of all political concerns is the fundamental declaration of simply loving one another, respect for personage, our innate and natural freedom to be true to our own unique expression without fear of violence or cast out from society. This isn't about religion, nor politics, no...

it's about the soul of the nation. 

our souls. 

collectively, individually.

and with this I leave the page thinking of the Beatitudes, what many scholars believe are the only true words of Jesus in the entire testament, everything else being interpretations recorded by others in the years that followed the crucifixion. It's here, with these few words, that we are asked to be peace makers, humble of spirit, to feed the hungry and clothes the poor. We are urged to forgive, to endure unkindness with compassion and sake a greater understanding. Oddly enough, Jesus lived in extremely tribal times, an age of war and conquest, and yet he taught and preached kindness to all. Have we evolved so little over time? Still practicing tribalism only now disguised in political form? The essence of the bible is in the kindness of it's message, cosmology from the very breath of God to the fall from our original grace, life divided, separated in tribal fashion, not just from each other, but from the land as well, removed from our connection to the spirit of the earth. Yet through its pages the bible leads to Jesus, a redemption of spirit, reclaiming our kindness and compassion. That's the only real lesson from the bible, that we can always return to kindness. It's the only way to God, no matter our tribe, or politics, or our religious beliefs. 

so I'll close here with more perennial wisdom, this from the great sage - Ramana Maharshi, who, when questioned by a follower on how to treat others, replied simply and succinctly - that there are no others. That's the only answer that we ever really need to hear. There are no others, none, only an endless reflection of who we truly are shown throughout the world, and that all kindness is a matter of self-care, that every stranger is our own true self returned. 

seeing this, our every act, each vote...

for the soul of the nation. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Two Black Cats

Two black cats: 

having two recently adopted two black cats, rescues, 10 years and sisters that have been together all this time - I know nothing of their back story, why they were let go and brought into a shelter, how long they were there for, no information about them other than the shelter workers loved them and were worried that thy might be separated through different homes. I was told all this by my ex-wife, not for the sake of convincing me to bring them home, but she shared the shelter's concerns as well. 

so now I share my home with two black cats.

through out my life I've always had cats and dogs, never a long stretch without their presence, although with the loss of my two most recent dogs, beloved, and still missing them several years later, I've been unwilling to open myself again to caring for another animal in that way. The emotional price is steep from their loss and it's been a time of deep hurt for me, losing my parents, divorce, my animal companions - I am unprepared to care that deeply again. Or ever maybe, as it seemed enough for me to have my ex-wife visit with her dog, giving attention and care on a part-time basis, an emotional investment without any real attachment. Of course Misty, doesn't realize that, when she visits she's my dog, my walking companion, and offers me a dog's love without condition. In every real sense of love and care - she's my dog as well, that's just the way it works with her. 

my two black cats aren't crazy about her visits. 

she's a curious dog, playful and affections as he puppy she once was, six years old and only wants to play and get to know her two new friends. To Misty, everyone is a friend, even two black cats that clearly don't share the same idea of friendship. This is now their home, I'm their companion, the person they seek for attention and affection and anything outside of their usual spectrum is suspect and they will withdraw from their usual home life, hiding briefly until order is restored. Not traumatized, but slightly miffed by this intrusion. They have made this place their home. And all visitors are suspect in their interruptions. It's that simple. 

it's been good for me to have this care, both giving and receiving, not allowing myself to be so selective in my emotions. Both cats are fairly independent, but one in particular has decided that I'm her person, almost always wanting to be near, finding a spot within the same room to keep an eye on my activities, calmed by my meditation, curious of the sound of typing fingers, always ready to listen to my conversation, blinking at the comfort of my voice without concern for the actual words. Or maybe she does understand and is only humoring me with her listening. The other cat is a bit more skittish, quickly settling down with the right and proper attention, but easily startled as well. I walk softly by her, giving fair warning to my presence and intentions, no wish to be the cause for her disturbance and it seems she appreciates this care, blinking and offering a soft purr as her appreciation. 

 my life is a little different now, not much, but just enough to break the pattern of my own self-involvement, opening myself in little ways that shows me how guarded I've become through the last few years. I've realized that previously I would go all through the morning hours with hearing my own voice in conversation, the quiet of my meditation extended to the day, and would often find myself slightly startled by my first words, hearing a voice that sounded unfamiliar, almost foreign to my ears. It's nice to have two early morning companions to talk to, patient to my routine, but making themselves available to listen my ideas that I'll write about this morning, offering wisdom in the silence of their replies. As Eckhart  Tolle has declared "I have known several Zen masters - - all of them cats. I think I would agree, although I'm adding Misty in as well. Two black cat Zen Master's and a visiting Bodhisattva dog companion, and life is pretty good, expanding with just a little bit more affection and conversation, reminding me that life is meant to be open, expansive, allowing. 

I am grateful for this reminder...

and to those who have reminded me. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Life Arrives

Life arrives: 

there's no real practice to our letting go, it's not a conscious thought of grace and composure in the instant of our greatest sorrow - this is just how life arrives to us, it's all been a continuous surrender since the moment we were born, letting go of everything once held dear for the embrace of life to come, and through this way we proceed to the ultimate point of our surrender. 

it's not something that we practice.

but only what we are.

and yet we can bring a sense of awareness to this, seeing more closely how our life is constantly involved in the process of change, evolving from one stage of life to another and with no small amount of grief and sorrow known along the way. But even awareness isn't a practice, not really, it's most truly what we are through the course of all this change, a one and only constant - awareness is what remains when all else is surrendered. It's who we are, without any need of practice, natural.

it's how life arrives to us.

with awareness being the grace that allows our letting go.

there it is, our only true spiritual practice, and it's just life, experienced through all of its depth and fullness, knowing that every last thing is eventually surrendered, and that life prepares in this way. We are already wise in the way of the Buddha, having always known change, certain of our grief and sorrow - and yet still fearlessly we live on, constantly surrendering all that we are right now for the sake of our continuous becoming. 

through our letting go...

life arrives. 

~

Peace, Eric 

Sitting

Sitting: 

I'm really only interested in writing for its own sake, a creative expression in just a few words and any theme or great meaning is a bonus of sorts. What I enjoy is calmly letting the words come to me, no real sense of chasing inspiration - I write, or I simply sit, patient, not ever a concern for words, content with the soft, subtle hush of morning sounds and the warmth of my first sips of coffee. There's no need for anything but this, and any few words that do arrive add to the joy of my sitting. 

it seems there's poetry in everything we do, even sitting provides infinite means of inspiration, a story of sounds heard both near and distant, the wait for first light to reach my window, how everything feels just right and perfect for the beginning of another day. Sitting itself tells the story of patience, of a certain faith in the gift of words and inspiration, how joy is found in the easiest of pleasures. Yes, there are infinite things to write of and all can be taken to a great depth of exploration, that from where I am right now, a hardback chair in a small office at my home, sitting before keyboards and computer screen, a window to me near right, and a universe as my surroundings. There are particles constructing the atoms that further create our world, everything that's felt and seem is coming to form in this very instant, molecules forming cells and then organs and all for the sake of my appearance. 

infinite things, right now...

and it's all happening here, now, exactly where I'm sitting. 

there's no small amount of pleasure taken with this knowing, it's an immense joy, an entire universe in creation and channeled to this morning, and that it's just so perfect to be sitting here, writing these few words, sipping coffee, listening as the world begins to stir with its own early inspiration. I'm in no hurry for anything to happen, not for words, no further writing...

just sitting, 

immersed in the joy of infinite things. 

~

Peace, Eric