Shine

The night burns with
a fire -
from a billion
distant
stars.

Yet this heat rises
from your merest
touch.

The day is alive with
the suns brilliant
passion.

And yet I am blinded
by your briefest
glance.

There is nothing small from you.

With a blink of your eyes
our worlds collide -
And I am left
unmade.

There is nothing hidden from you.

You find me in the ash -
and wish me as
a diamond.

And I am left
to shine in
your
hand.

 

~

 

It's this love - the undoing of the ego, being left unmade and formless and to only give shape again against a form held in the stillness of a moment - it's this love that gave rise to the earth and stars and distance worlds. It's how we came to be.

 

Peace,

Eric

Lesson From A Rosebud

The rosebud
Longs for a single
Unknown moment -
An instant crushed with
Tenderness.

The rosebud
Knows only of its yearning,
Breathing fully in this tenderness
That threatens to destroy.

And the rosebud
Can only surrender to
This longing -
Can only surrender and die
Within the passing hand
Of love,
Can only surrender...and nothing more.

And this is enough
To become a Rose.

~
There is great courage in surrendering to what each
moment has in hand - a faith blind to all
but greater faith.
All things must surrender to the
death of present
moments.
All things are born and passed and again
reborn in the space of
moments new.

 

 

Peace,

 

Eric

Eating With Spirit

While shopping today I watched an overweight person place item after item of unhealthy food choices on the belt. I thought about how healthy eating begins with healthy shopping - the food we have at home is what we will mainly consume obviously. Yet this is only partially true - lets trace this back just a little bit further: healthy eating begins with healthy thoughts. If we are thinking in terms of feeding our bodies and satisfying surface desires instead of nourishing body and soul - then our shopping, along with our kitchen and body - will reflect that. The Katha Upanishad makes this distinction with the description of two types of action - Preya, or what is pleasant, and Shreya, that which is beneficial. Eating for temporary satisfaction is pleasing for a moment, ultimately leaving us unfulfilled (which is why we continuously eat more) and undernourished. This is Preya from thought to action. Postponing the sense desire for nourishment and the true satisfaction of feeding mind, soul and body is Shreya - and is the ultimate choice for health and well being. The key is to trace our impulse to the source - we ask ourselves the all important "why" of this choice - which desire are we fulfilling. With practice we soon find an honest accounting, a stronger will and a firmer body. It's a spiritual strength that we are employing. Of course this doesn't mean to deny ourselves from all impulses (taste or other wise) but it does give us something much more important that seems to be missing from many of our lives - emotional freedom. We are no longer a slave to our appetite and the choices we make are based on free will and not mindless consumption. That alone is worth the price of practice. So perhaps the next time we shop, or dine out and find ourselves choices- we trace the thought towards it's origin (Preya or Shreya) and choose with spirit.

Peace,
Eric

Seamless - A Goal For Runners And Other Non - Ordinary People

I guess my true goal in life is to become seamless - to extend my inner
world to all aspects of my outer world. I think of this often in regard to my running. A happy, serene runner is a strong, confident runner in all circumstances. In Chapter 6 Verse 7 of the Bhagavad Gita Krishna instructs Arjuna in the ways of the Yogi -
"For one who has conquered the mind, the Supersoul is already reached, for he has attained tranquility. To such a man happiness and distress, heat and cold, honor and dishonor are all the same. "
Krishna is not talking about willpower here. No, he is teaching Arjuna a far greater power - the power of equanimity. Many ultrarunners seem to know this intuitively as the oft repeated mantra -"It almost always, never gets worse" has comforted many on a long trail. Willpower alone will only carry a runner so far - yet a tranquil mind, the mind of a Yogi, will carry a runner forever. And that's the goal of becoming seamless. In most instances when we refer to willpower we are thinking in terms of the individual will - which is indeed quite strong. But with limits. As Victor Frankl discovered in the concentration camps of the Holocaust - it was the person who lived beyond the individual self, who cultivated their spiritual strength and recognized a kinship with even their captors, who not only survived but later flourished once rescued.
As runners we limit ourselves when we rely on individual will and don't tap into the inner world that connects us to the Whole. Conquering the mind does not mean submission but relinquishing the smallness of the ego and entering fully into Spirit - where all things become possible. I think that ultrarunning becomes the grand experiment on this stage as we place ourselves on a direct path of ego crash and willpower collapse. Only to find ourselves rising, and stepping on new grounds of the spirit - seamlessly. That's my wish - for me. And for you.

Peace,
Eric

Metta

Any outside source of agitation is a sure signal that some inner work needs to be done. And the mostly likely cause is an unforgiven issue either surfacing or resurfacing. Forgiveness is a practice and it often takes repeated attempts before resents are truly let go. A wonderful practice is the Buddhist Metta meditation which is a method of releasing resentments and expanding in love at the same time. It is a practice that I will once again begin in the hope of returning to an inner calm that I am very much missing. Metta is a simple meditation that produces immediate results and I urge everyone to give it a try and experience these profound effects.

Peace,
Eric

An Arrow

I have been feeling very much consumed by anger and resentment lately and today during my run it was very much present and very much overwhelming. Fortunately I had 27 miles to burn it off and come to terms with it - and I'm getting there. I may need another few long runs like that to completely get there though. I was reminded that there are no justified resentments - and that's a tough concept to wrap the mind around - because we so want to be justified in our resentment towards others. I know I do and I feel like I have been so wronged, so why aren't my resentments justified? Because they disturb my peace of mind. It's as simple as that. They aren't justified because I always have a choice in how I respond and if my response is anything other than love and forgiveness then I am carrying a poison arrow within - an arrow that is only removed by letting go of the resentment. It's hard. It takes time and it takes practice. Yet it beats the slow poison of the arrow of resentment. There's always a choice.

Peace,
Eric

Setting Brilliant

Almost
Gone –
And still your form lingers
Against the faded day.
Setting brilliant in my mind.

 

~

 

 

 

There are things we see and then things just

beyond our perception.

Yes, nothing last forever but so too is

nothing gone that once was and

again will be.

Beyond the realm of common senses we

exist on other plains.

Close your eyes and reach....trusting in a

truth we cannot see with open eyes and

a heart closed tight.

It's in this field where magic happens.

 

 

Peace,

Eric





Run

Yesterday was the cold - today was snow, ice and the cold. There will always be something that threatens to block the path that leads to fulfilled outcomes. Don't let it. Sure, there will be days when we simply can't make it out there to run. Today doesn't have to be that day. If it's safe to run - run. If it isn't invest in a gym - there are plenty now that cost as little as $10 a month which is a minimal investment for health and fitness. Better yet, invest in a treadmill. With care they will last quite some time and you will definitely get your moneys worth. The point is simple - run. And eliminate the things that may prevent this from happening.

Peace,
Eric

Little Things Turn Into Big Things

It was a tough day for a double run. The morning was 14 degrees not counting wind chill and it didn't warm up much by later afternoon. It needed to be done though to get my mileage in for the day and it's run likes these that will make all the difference in Aprils 100. Running 100 miles this April will be my Big Thing for the year. One of My Big Things. Pursuing a nutritional based business is another. Continuing my writing and deepening my meditation practice are two more. All will take dedication, effort and no small amount of sacrifice. All will be worth it and bring me closer to the essential person I hold inside. Todays run(s) was a little thing. But they add up to a great life.

Peace,
Eric

Be Great

What big thing, really epic event will you do this year? What are you doing to prepare for it? Will this year end as many years in the past have - looking back without any significant sense of achievement? It's not the end result that matters most - it's the dedication towards something that seems just outside our reach, something that scares us maybe more than just a little. We are allowed to fall, to fail to reach such lofty goals. We should, however, forbid ourselves from not trying, from not putting forth the effort to realize our own true greatness in the pursuit of what seems impossible. We don't need to be superhuman - only human - for all it's worth and all it stands for.
Be great this year.

Peace,
Eric

Separate Reality

As a runner - there comes a separate reality the moment of my run. The reality of life other than a runner falls with every step. Soon - even the concept of runner ends and I am only motion. Thoughts pass by in the absence of the thinker. Feelings belong only in relation to forward momentum. I am breathed as if a function of a larger world. It's just a run. A perfect expression of nothing else - but the run.

Peace,
Eric

Americans

Today the President was sworn in for another four years - tomorrow will be the public inauguration. In many ways this inauguration is even more historic - it shows the direction our country is heading towards. For those who disagree with his politics and may not find that statement hopeful please look past the political views of right or left. I disagreed with much of George Bush's policies and thought that not just our nation but the world was veering towards a dangerous state. Yet we survived. Our nation is strong and has a deep spirit and it shows in the growing inclusiveness of politics despite appearances on many levels. We have an African American President. Gay marriage is now legal in many states. Health care is expanding and women's rights are protected. We don't have top like any of this - yet it is how things are now and it's growing. It's also the overall vision of our founding fathers - our right to be equal, to pursue our own happiness. The fact that many may not like this is in perfect accordance to the will of the nation. To disagree...yet include. We are Americans.

Peace.
Eric

Health

This is definitely the year I want to move my business towards the nutritional aspect of health and well being. It's possible to be fit (for races, or other sport specific activities) and not very healthy. I see it often and we take our health for granted when we're feeling great and training right. Yet damage is accumulative and every fork and spoonful of meat and processed food is digging our graves. Again I don't want to debate my views on veganism. The information is out there for everyone who is ready to see and hear it - yet I think that we can all agree that mindless consumption of mass quanities of ill quality meat (factory farmed) is doing great harm to our nation. Other countries are beginning to see the light and ban many practices that go unquestioned here. When will we see the light? How much larger do we - and the health epidemic - have to grow before we make the much needed changes? Anyway, I wish to be part of this change and help others along a path to health and well being.
Now is the time.


Peace,
Eric

Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead

I'm watching the documentary Sick, Fat and Nearly Dead right now. A friend asked me to watch it for my opinion and to possibly recommend it to her brother who is a childhood friend. I'm not finished so this is not a review - but it has got me thinking of healing and how little responsibility we take in our own health and healing. Joe Cross, the man featured in the documentary was overweight, over medicated and very ill. The traditional route of Western medicine seemed to hold little promise for him but keeping him alive for as long as possible in his current state. Western medicine is a modern marvel for what it offers - but it doesn't always offer health. We need to explore that path on our own. And that's what Joe Cross did.He choose to do a juice fast for 60 days to bring his body back in balance and regain his health. It worked. I'll save more for a further review but here is what I would like to leave everyone with today - is there an issue in your life that needs healing? Weight loss, blood pressure, stress, low energy? You can fix it. And you can begin right now. This very moment. I hope that's the path you choose.

Peace,
Eric

State of the Vegan Diet

It's time for a state of the vegan diet announcement. I'm pleased to say my diet has been fairly clean the past few weeks. After allowing a bit more vegan dessert and processed food into my diet for convenience sake I am back to a very simplified diet for fruit, vegetables and limited grains. I'm not above a prepackaged meal or desert now and then and enjoy dinning out when the opportunity presents itself and don't really hold back on what I get - appetizer, main meal and desert. It's a once in a week or two week occasion and a chance to enjoy myself in a different setting. The next day I will be back on track. And even the worst I have is still pretty good. As many readers know I don't care for the term "everything in moderation". No EVERYTHING in moderation is not alright. One piece of meat is still a dead animal that died for my pleasure. One cigarette is still one too many. One drink and getting behind the wheel is still deadly. Everything in moderation is an excuse not to indulge but to live a life of indulgence. Perhaps thinking in terms of relaxation is a better approach? I don't normally eat desert - but tonight I will relax my a little discipline and enjoy a piece of cake. This still leaves room for the enjoyment of something outside the norm but still keeps things in perspective.
Just a thought.

Peace,
Eric

Lance - From a Different Perspctive

So Lance cheated. I'm not surprised and long suspected so - at that level it would have been all but impossible not too. I'm also not going to sit in judgement of him or his actions - or do my best not to - because then it is no longer about Lance Armstrong but an issue of me and my own judgement. I don't know if he feels remorse for his actions or empathy to those he wronged. I do hope he uses this time to reflect, forgive and find peace. Maybe in time he will return to the public eye and continue to do the good work he no doubtfully did before. His star may be diminished to many eyes yet there is no need for him to live this vision. In forgiveness he will be able to see himself with the eyes of God and live a new vision based on this reality. In public or in private life he may carry this vision with him always. And therein lies the peace of true forgiveness.

Eric

Deeper Still

Your skin to
Mine –
And deeper still…our
Longing.

`

 

Contact - only the beginning of

more and further and

ultimate

unfolding of

self into

self and still something all

together...

more



Visions

I figured out the "why" of ultra running - for me at least. I'm seeking visions. Not vision, not the clarity of perception for this reality. But a doorway to a new reality. Visions. Through the repetition of steps and hunger and wariness - I'm looking for the absence of self dialogue and to hear the language of silence. I want more than a glimpse of alternate worlds - I want the keys to the kingdom and to step through to these mystics world.
It can be done.
Just takes the right amount of steps.

Peace,
Eric

On The Second Anniversary Of My Mothers Death - Two Gifts Remembered

Today marks the second anniversary of my mothers death. Looking back through the years I am struck by two gifts that she blessed me with. The first was to be loved and cared for in the unconditional manner that only a mother to a child is capable of giving. At its core this love is devoid of ego, selfless in its constant giving and free of the constraints of space and time. This love is still with me. It always will be.
The second gift was perhaps the most difficult for the both of us - my turn to care and comfort her in her final years with Alzheimer's. Contrary to what some may thing our roles were never reversed. She remained my mother. I was a caregiver but never did I forget that so was she - only now the care was of a special need. One a spiritual level - to lay aside the ego and allow this care to be given, to teach one final lesson of love, compassion, tenderness and patience - this is the level of a Bodhisattva, an enlightened being of love and grace.
We are all destined to reach this enlightened level - in time and with practice. Perhaps with my mothers final gift - I am one lifetime closer.
Thank you mom.

Peace,
Eric

Dark Night

Life threatens to crash down on me right now. There are a few things that pull me through and even some of these I am close to losing. St. John of The Cross would call this my Dark Night of The Soul and it certainly feels that way. The thing with sadness and depression is that the only way through it is through it - straight through it. Meditation, writing, running, exercise, therapy are all tools to help us navigate the path of loss and sadness but they can never remove us from the path. It's ours to walk alone and no amount of preparation work can ever really prepare us for it. The most we can hope for is grace to guide our steps. And that's what I pray for.

Peace,
Eric

The Law of Least Effort And Ultra Running

While rereading Deepak Chopra's classic text - The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success - I kept making note of how these same success principals could also be used for ultra running (of course) and the one that I am turning around in my head right now is the Law of Least Effort. A funny one for ultra running one might think where effort is king and the greater the effort the better the performance. True. Yet this law is not a principle of strength but of spirit and emotion. It's the struggle against ourselves that is most telling, along with fighting the trail and a refusal to fully accept our present conditions. Will power is often cited as the number one individual strength that sees us through difficult arenas - and will power will take us far for sure. But not far enough. Every will has a breaking point that varies in time and circumstances. One race we bully through and another (sometimes easier) we are buried by fatigue and frustrations. There's just no telling why, when or where. Will power in even the mightiest is a limited commodity. Yet spirit never fails. It is indefatigable and unlimited. It is also based on acceptance and surrender. Now these two principles aren't tools for the meek. It takes great strength of character to admit to ourselves that we need help from a higher power, that conditions have gotten the best of us (for now) and that we are ready to let go the struggle and accept things as they are now - and in ultras chances are this means something hurts. Probably bad. Like really bad. Feeling like this we can struggle for so long - maybe it will be enough to see us through the finish and maybe not. Yet how often have we reached a low point in a race to only push through to new levels of strength and stamina - I would argue that it was the total acceptance of present conditions - as is - that allowed this magical transformation to take place and with giving up the struggle, with a full embrace of the Law Of Lease Effort we are able to bring this force to play at a moments notice. A struggle means to fight and with a fight there is always a chance we may lose. With acceptance there is no loss - there is only what is and a deeper knowing that what is now- is not lasting. The next moment always brings promise and with promise comes true strength - because the very next step is now free of any expectation other then the one simple, irrefutable law of ultra running - moving forward.

Peace,
Eric

Nothing

First...I am
nothing -
a void that's spread to the
touch all things.

And then at once I am a
kiss against you.

Parting then as sweeping
breeze.



~
Often emptiness is viewed and feared in a negative sense. Yet it's the formless breeze that sweeps the earth in pleasure. It's the empty glass that holds the wine. We are in essence formless and empty of the self we know as ego. We are the breeze and the earth in its receiving. We are the glass that delights in the hold of wine and again the wine that gives please to lips and glass. We are all things and still more - yet first we are nothing. But infinite in our becomings.

Peace,
Eric



`

Lunch, Goals and 5k's

I met with an old friend today for lunch and she mentioned that she wished to get in better shape. Perfect. It's a great time of year to make that commitment and there's no better way then to pick a spring race (a 5k for her) to train for as a motivating factor. Races can be scary and it's that fear that often keeps us from making the commitment. Yet it's the very same fear that can provide us the fuel to make some major life changes. A goal should be slightly (or farther) past our comfort zone - when we finally achieve it after months of hard work we want to know that we earned it, that we confronted an aspect of ourselves that was holding us back from the joy of meeting life's challenges. My friend left lunch excited and eager to begin. I'll be with her to help and to run the race with her if she wishes. Watching someone rise to a challenge and meet their goal provides the inspiration for me to do likewise. It's a great time for both of us.

Peace,
Eric

Ask

Ask…
And my world
Responds to the parting of
Your lips.

~

 

 

 

And so it is for the world at large - nothing goes

unnoticed, nothing goes unheard.

Every prayer vibrates to eternity and answers echo

even farther still.

Listen.

Feel.

The world responds to the faith of

every question.



Race Review - Nelson's Fat Ass 2013

First 50k of the year is now in the books - Nelson's 50k - an annual Fat Ass run held here in Columbia MD. There are many, many things I love about this race -and being local is at the top of the list. Not just local - but in my back yard local. I run parts of this course on a weekly basis. One might think that this would give me an edge - but no - I still get lost. It's just the way I am. It's also a great mix of bike path and trail that allows for some speed (as speedy as I get in a 50k) and some technical trail running. Nelson has held this race for 19 years now. He and his wife open their home (allowing smelly, dirty ultrarunners into your home is no small thing) and lay out a warm welcome with lots of food at the end of the race. OK, that, and the gathering of local runners who come to start the year off right - are at the top of my list. A big thanks to Nelson and his wife for all they providing to make such a fine day. Add to the list the volunteers who provided aid and direction - aiding at a Fat Ass makes you an unsung hero in my book. Thanks guys!
As mention the course is a nice blend of bike path and trails. Starting at Lake Elkhorn it follows the bike path on what's known as the Patuxuent Heritage Trail and winds it's way through some wetlands towards Savage Park. It's a beautiful section of Columbia and except for some traffic noise it's really hard to imagine you are running through a major suburban area. Once in Savage Park the course picks up the trails and offers great views of the Middle Patuxuent River and a few nice little climbs - nothing major but it does give you something to work for a little bit. Around 8 miles into the course comes an aid station and the turn around - 8 miles back and then a repeat for the 50k runners. Many opted for the 25k and I heard talk of Disney so it was a tune up run for some. Good luck to all you guys!
I ran the course in about 6:12 at a pretty comfortable pace - no need to push right now. Soon though. For local runners who are looking to test the ultra waters this would be a great way to start. It's also the perfect way to start off the new year. My fourth year running and I'll be back as long as Nelson keeps offering his hospitality.

Thanks for reading,
Eric   

Comes a Sorrowing Slaughter - From Paul Barr Carrigan



“Comes a Sorrowing Slaughter”

A spent summer on horizons of white,
you wore furs twice as thick as any slice of bacon;
A witness to slaughtered deaths.
I wondered if you studied “Old Bill,”
warm and unbled.
There is no sense in small rivers of blood
that blend with briny dust.
Yet, eventually, we all become swallowed by
wakes of blue darkness.
When caressed on one’s self
the envision becomes embroiling,
for in the midst of hunger and greed –
comes a sorrowing slaughter.
Is there no distress for the
innocence that holds no concept
of…. human fur?
Once killed for necessity,
is now for cosseted wealth.
You stick your finger into the
unfamiliar club-rift as
the last of warmth unfolds.
You’re shaken when
his cry returns.

 

 

Paula Carrigan

 

 

~

 

This poignantly beautiful and powerful poem comes from my dear friend Paula Barr Carrigan - weaving haunting imagery with a subtle sense of lyrical purpose she conveys the need to bring to witness a terrible crime against nature. It's easy to overlook such acts because indeed we not witness up close the horror of this crime. And so far removed from it we can safely ignore it even as the occasional news story flashes by. Yet words like Paula will remain within our conscious - and further - touch our soul - with their beauty and grace. Social consciousness as art is a very powerful and necessary medium. Thank you Paula for being the artist - and human being - that you are.

 

Peace,

Eric

 

 

 













Running in Columbia

It was a beautiful day to run. A day to run long. I'll save the race review for tomorrow but want to briefly touch upon the subject of Columbia MD. You really could ask for a better place to be a runner (ok, maybe some mountains would be nice). With over 100 miles of inter-connecting bike paths and some fairly technical trails for some side adventure - Columbia is made to order for runners, walkers, hikers, and nature lovers. If you're not taking advantage of this - I hope you do so soon. It's a shame to live in such a beautiful area and not fully enjoy what it offers.

Peace,
Eric

Fat Ass

First long run of the year tomorrow - Nelson's Fat Ass 50k. A Fat Ass is an informal gathering of runners - not quite a race. No prizes, medals or shirts. Limited aid. Lots of fun. Most Fat Ass races are 50k although I have heard of 50 miles and even 100 miles but for practical purposes 50k seems to be the standard. The great thing with these gatherings is the lack of stress that all too often accompanies higher profile races - there's really only one pre-requisite for an even like this - love running. And when runners gathers for just that reason then stress and ego seem to disappear. At a Fat Ass - we're all runners. And that's enough.

Its Own Perfection



Snow falls
Lightly –
Yet branches soon bend to the
Weight of storm and time.
In my warmth…I watch,
Grateful for the strength of branches, for the
Lightness and easy fall of snow, and
Even for the weight of time.

Soon the storm will pass…and perhaps
Grown heavy with the grace of their
Burden – branches will snap.
Every moment holds its own perfection.

~

 

And too often is seems we overlook the perfection of each moment we are graced with - the co-inciding of countless forces to bring us to - this. We are here, full of breath and life and a heart that beats in tune with earth and stars. There are no accidents - we are here to be of this perfection.

 

Peace,

 

Eric

New Year - What's Ahead

Resolutions. I began 2012 blog writing on this theme and why we seldom seemed to follow through with them. I'll save that post for last year. This is the year I urge everyone to go big - a big race, competition or event. Run a half marathon this year, a full marathon or (better yet) your first ultra. Maybe this is the year to finally put it together for a triathlon. Hike the entire Appalachian Trail, or half of it, or even one state (Tennessee and Maine are my favorites). The point is that we need a grand vision to not just motivate us but to pull us into a grander vision of ourselves. I love the though of what we dream of dreams of us as well or as Paulo Coelho might say that when we have this grand agenda the whole universe conspires to our aide. Dream big. Dream very big. Larger then our comfort zone allows. And then a step, a single step advancing in that direction. That's all it takes.

Happy New Year,
Eric

Race Review - Resolution 5k

First day of the year - first race review of the year. Today was the Resolution 5k and 1 Mile Walk held in Patterson Park (Baltimore City) It was sponsored by and benefited Earl's Place (New Beginnings Through Housing) It's always nice to run for a great cause and on a cold, windy, winter day it brought home the plight of those in desperate need of housing in a meaningful way.
Any run in this section of Baltimore is bound to be tough - lots of rolling hills with one being tough enough to definitely slow things down a bit. I could have benefited with a bit more of a warmup as I had a tough time for the first mile getting my stride and breathing right. It was actually not until the last mile when things seemed to begin to flow together nicely. There was no chip time and it was a crowded course so I'm pretty confident that my 23:10.3 was well under 22 and that makes me happy for a day after deadlifiting, running on tired legs race. And it was good enough for 9th place in my age group. The focus is on long races through the year but I'm confident that I can run a sub 22:00 this year without really gearing up for it.
So a nice, local race on the first day of the year with a great turnout - over 800 people I believe. A great way to start the year!

I hope everyone found there own perfect way to start the year off and that it continues to inspire throughout the year.

Peace,
Eric