Self -Forgiveness

While chatting with a friend today we touched upon the subject of self-forgiveness and it's importance not just for ourselves but for others as well. Self forgiveness offers us the freedom to make a mistake yet not be imprisoned by that same error. We become free to move on and act again in a manner that is not full of past events. We have cleared the slate of our agenda and now offer this same sense of freedom to others. Nothing is entrenched in mind or memory unless we continue to grasp the non-existent past. That others may do so on our account is also their own accord -not ours. Self-forgiveness has set us free.
Try it.

Peace,
Eric

Butterflies

I love summer days running and watching the butterflies in flight along side of me - as many as five or more will join in and it becomes a dance that leaves me mystified by the grace they share with the air and each other. There is a communication that I can't take fully part in yet hover on the outside circle of the gift they offer. It's almost as if they too are curious at the sheer bulk of my comparison and wish to lend me a bit of their grace and swiftness. It's not to be though - yet I'm grateful for the time we spend together.

Peace,
Eric

CAT Notes -2013

A few notes about CAT 2013 - my training was off as far as specifics I feel - after most of winter and spring training for a flat course 100 and then trying to play catch up for a (very) hilly Mohican 100 I felt flat with little leg drive and no sustaining power going up the hills. I neglected deadlifts and lower body explosive moments as it always seemed that I was getting ready for another race and these have always served me well in the past few years of ultra training. So this will be corrected. Starting now.
My new AK Signature Series vest for Ultimate Direction worked great - it's an awesome race vest/hydration system! Check it out  below.


Another excellent product that I used with great success was Tailwind Nutrition - this is an all in one performance drink - calories, salt and hydration. I took nothing else on the entire race except a small glad of soda for the caffeine. I still need to find the proper balance (serving) to cover my caloric needs without making me a bit more thirsty then I wish to feel. They have excellent customer service and will work with the athlete to find the perfect balance.
Check them out too -

http://www.tailwindnutrition.com/

And lastly I upgraded shoes - a bit more heft than I'm used to but still in the minimalist set - Brooks Pure Grit 2 proved an excellent match for the rough terrain of the CAT trail - still light but with a bit more rubber underneath for protection. My feet felt great!

And that's it - look for a sub 8:00 next year!

Peace,

Eric

Race Review - Catoctin 50k 2013

Another Catoctin 50k has passed and I missed my goal of a sub 8:00 finish again - 8:12:04 is my official time. Still there is a lot to be please about - I finished and on this course that's always something. It's a tough, gnarly, rocky, hilly course - relentless in what it offers. A runner earns their finish on this course. I knew going in that a sub 8:00 would be pushing it - for the last few weeks my legs have felt heavy and sore and I even contemplated dropping CAT in favor of a 6 hour race instead. But this is CAT and the summer wouldn't be right without it - sometimes you just have to suck it up. Which brings me to the next point to be pleased with - I sucked it up. By mile 2 my legs felt blown. A sub 8:00 pace on a long course (about 33+ miles this year) was going to be tough so I decided on a crash and burn approach - hold the pace for as long as possible and death march it in if I had too. I held the pace up until mile 29 when my first fall and only fall of the day happened to be a nose dive into a pool of water after slipping on a rock while crossing a stream. The water wasn't so bad but the rocks that broke my fall shook me up a bit. I walked it off but never really found my gear again. I still had hope for barely breaking the 8 hour mark but a big push on the hills to get to the Tea Room (finish area) did me in and my death march began. I did have a nice photo finish run though so I wasn't all spent as in some years.
As usual the volunteers at this event are outstanding - this is an old school ultra and it tends to attract the same kind of people to run and too volunteer. They know what a runner needs and provide accordingly. A big thank you to Race Director Kevin Sayers and all those who pitched in to help - especially Moca McCarty who spent her day out there to make sure I survived and to help others do the same. My running friends Melissa Simmens and Andrew Russ both broke 8:00 - a big congratulations to them both. I'll catch you next year!
Training for next years CAT  - it's already started.

Peace,
Eric

Catoctin 50K -Tomorrow

It's here - tomorrow is my fourth running of the Catoctin 50k and hopefully my third (and fastest) finish. It's the race of the year - not the longest yet certainly the toughest. As always my hope is to run strong and free along the trails. To not fight the day but graciously accept what each moment and every step offers. My success is determined by my own outlook - no one else - and a great day awaits an unburdened heart. I leave it all behind here today and will run free tomorrow.

Peace,
Eric

Watch The Breath

Watching the breath - such a simple observation. Know when we're are breathing in and know when we are breathing out. Feel the breath in the space between the nostril and upper lip. Warm, soft, often quick and falling slow as we become keen in our observation. Do this. Only this. Watch the breath. The mind wanders, thoughts become on their own accord. Smile. Come back to the breath. That one spot where we feel the essence of our life pass in constant motion. Watch the breath.
From this one little activity - our world can change.

Peace,
Eric

Wings

the grace of
wings

knows only of air and the
faith of flight
provided

Offering Metta

I have mention before the benefits of Metta Meditation - or Loving Kindness Meditation - the Buddhist practice of cultivating and extending loving kindness to ourselves, our friends, community and the world. According to Buddhist scriptures there are 11 main benefits of practicing Metta -

"One sleeps easily, wakes easily, dreams no evil dreams. One is dear to human beings, dear to non-human beings. The devas protect one. Neither fire, poison, nor weapons can touch one. One's mind gains concentration quickly. One's complexion is bright. One dies unconfused and — if penetrating no higher — is headed for the Brahma worlds.

Thought of in more modern terms it could be said that Metta simply transforms us into a more peaceful, thoughtful person. It's also healing and when combined with a concentrated mind gained from mindfulness practice the healing can take place rather quickly. Simply be aware of pain or suffering - offer no judgment nor preference towards its removal. Only watch, be aware, be mindful and tender. Treat it with the tenderness of a mothers hand and begin to offer loving kindness to yourself - to the wound be it heart, soul or body - offer peace and love and the wish for happiness, ask that you be free of suffering and the cause of suffering. Ask to whole. Bask in the warmth of our own tenderness and love - extend it to others so that they too be happy, peaceful, healthy and whole.

The point is to be aware of our suffering and bring a mindful attitude of care and tenderness towards it. The point is to know that others suffer as well - we all suffer - and to extend this care and tenderness towards others. To ease their pain and offer kindness in the face of their suffering. The point is loving-kindness. It's this intent that heals.

Peace,
Eric

Catoctin 50k This Weekend - Update

A few strategic mistakes have left me feeling less then ready for this weekends Catoctin 50k - no real break from training for the C&O 100 all the way through Mohican 100 up until now - just tapering a week or two before each race and then continuing on. No real great loss in fitness but no gain either. I think my body needs a little rest and then a solid block of training for the next series of upcoming races. So CAT my be more about survival than time and PR but with CAT even surviving is winning. I'll take it.

Peace,
Eric

Flight

a breeze is
graced

by wings spread in
playful
flight

Timed Runs

I'm really looking forward to the timed races I have coming up and I hope to add these in on a regular basis - the whole vibe of a 12-24 hour race really sits well with me. Even the 48 to 72 hour range seems pretty exciting -okay maybe in a weird kind of way - but still exciting. There seems a certain rawness to the repetitive nature of the run - each lap laying bare another level of self - the ego stripped from the equation by steps and distance. It's an experiment of one and in its truest sense as each runner becomes bonded to another in a quantum sense of motion and wonder. I'm thrilled to be a part of it. Thanks for reading.

Peace,
Eric

Questions

It's funny the world we see - a world filtered through beliefs and thoughts that color our view. Yet how often do we question these thoughts or beliefs? We have inherited many of the years of our lives from parents, teachers, clergy, media all of whom have acquired their beliefs in much the same fashion. And so the world goes on - with the reality of our lives barely questioned. But what if we began to ask ourselves important questions? What if we questioned our thoughts and beliefs - even our most cherished ones? How then would the world appear? Would we be so quick to judge and hold an opinion of self importance?
Maybe we could try.
Maybe we should try.

Peace,
Eric

A Few (Dietary) Changes

My diet has undergone a bit of  change in the past few weeks - a little more relaxed, less emphasis on strictly raw through the day. It's always fruit for breakfast but lately I have been switching between oatmeal with fruit or a large green salad with some fruit and nuts mixed in. Dinner has been another salad, lightly cooked vegetables and a baked potato with hummus. In the evening I may have a vegan protein drink along with a Lara bar or two. No specific reason other than wanting to keep fruit intake high but not have it all consuming right now. There may even be some vegan chips involved (if there is I'm not telling) I'm sure I'll switch back to a high raw/high fruit diet but I'll see how a little more relaxed on the raw principles works right now and how it affects my running. Stay tuned (if you're interested)

Peace,
Eric

Important

Most people don't want to go vegan, or even vegetarian. I understand that and was much the same for most of my life. Things began to change though - I started thinking about what I was eating and why I was eating it. I didn't like the answers. So I quit eating meat. It was a process, took a little time but I finally knew where I was heading - a diet clean of taking momentary pleasure with the sacrifice of a tortured life. It's been worth it ever since.
What important questions are you not asking yourself for fear of answers that may cause change?
Ask them anyway.
It's deadly important.

Peace,
Eric

Letting Go

each breath a
letting
go

and then stillness in the
moments offer


~
Let go - breath, thoughts and even the self we think we are. We will breathe without effort, abide without thought, and exist without illusions.
Try it.
Just let go.


Peace,
Eric

Run

I want to run free and I want to run far - unburden by care or gravity. There is no need for arrival when destination is always inwards and motion the means to stillness.
Simply run.
And simply discard all that is weight
against steps and soul.
Be the breath in quicken draw of exhaustion and
again in the slow exhale of
letting go.
Feel the ache that longs for distance and the ache of
distance realized...in truth they are the
same.
I want to run - aware of this and more.

The Inconvencience Of Spiritual Truth In The Wake of Tragedy

As in the case of most tragedies there is no outcome that satisfies. As humans we each carry the seed of hero and villain - which seed is cultivated most fully is the one that will blossom in troubled times. Perhaps right now our role is not to take sides but to recognize the potential for each of us to be both victim and victimizer. I have heard voices declare that we are all Trayvon Martin and in the deepest spiritual truth that's true - yet we are all George Zimmerman as well. A spiritual truth isn't always convenient though and to look at a tragedy through a lens of clear perception takes time and beyond time - it takes a willingness to offer love and compassion to the whole of us - the Trayvon Martin side and the George Zimmerman side. Maybe one day all sides will truly be seen for what they are - One.

Peace to all sides, to everyone,
to all,
Eric

A Races

The training is done for CAT 50k - I feel less prepared then previous years due to training for some longer run earlier this spring and summer. The endurance is there and so are the trail legs but speed isn't what it was last year. So maybe no PR attempt but going for a nice, solid run and just finishing CAT alone is a great challenge. From there it's full on training for the Croatan 24 Hour Event and a hope to break 80 miles - that along with a decent Baltimore City Marathon this fall. There's always a new challenge on the horizon and that's what makes putting certain events (like CAT) slightly on the back burner easier. Not every race is the A race but everyone is important in it's own unique way. Thanks for reading.

Peace,
Eric

Still-wind

Be breath-less...a subtle wind soft in
motion on lips and
soul

and follow too its
still-wind
home

Empty



...I start the page
empty -
unable to find words with meaning
more than this. 

And leave again to
empty
places....







The Calm Abiding Of An Ultra Runner

"It almost always never gets worse" is an ultra runners maxim that could have been quoted by the Buddha Himself. And indeed that is goal and outcome of Buddhist meditation - equanimity of mind - and those who succeed in ultra running - especially the longer distances - develop this trait as well. Samatha meditation is a method of cultivating a "calm abiding" in all the passes through the mind. It's a simple method of returning to the breath as the mind wanders - it's a continued effortless effort of concentration. No matter what thoughts occur or how often the mind meanders - we return it to the breath. In time concentration sharpens to the point of absorption and the mediator enters into what is call the Jhana state - a state of joy and uninterrupted happiness. Often ultra runners enter this state through the concentration of steps and terrain and the sheer physical and mental demands placed upon their focus. Perhaps the very best can enter at will. That's the goal of Jhana meditation - to be able to enter the gates of Jhana at will, to know calm abiding through every moment. And it's the goal of ultra runners to recognize their suffering as path of self transcendence - there is no denying pain, or even overcoming it - yet there is a path through it. That's Buddhism. And that's ultra running.

Abiding

Abiding...in the timeless
state you have me
wander

This longing bliss becomes
my home

Just Wait

Steady the mind...follow the breath at a single point of origin...entering the body....leaving the body...rising ...falling....in....out. The breath becomes our anchor to present moment awareness and yet further still it is a gateway to inner worlds. Steady the mind...one pointed on the breath...letting thoughts float by on their own accord. And then just wait.
The gate will open.


Peace,
Eric

The Real Reason To Meditate

The are many benefits of meditating - health, ability to handle stress, increased concentration, memory and mental functions - all important areas that certainly increase the enjoyment of life what improved. However in the end there is clearly only one reason to meditate - to reduce the walls of separation between ourselves and others until there is no distinction within our minds and hearts. What benefits you will also aid me and what harms others will harm me as well. The mystical "oneness with all" is actually realized. The beginning of this awareness can be felt in as little as eight weeks of practicing meditation. Imagine the care and compassion built up from a life time of practice. Picture a world where the majority meditated and offered the fruits of their inner labor. Interesting enough not everyone needs to meditate to change the world. Only you do - and the world you encounter will be changed by your effort.

Peace,
Eric

Pre -Race Update

Long run on the bike path and roads today - first time off the trails for my long run in over 3 weeks. The Catoctin Trail has been beating me up of late and thought the road would be a nice break. It wasn't - heat and humidity sucked the steam out of my legs. Over 20 for the day but worked for every mile of it. It's time to taper - 3 weeks out for CAT and no real recovery time since 53+ on the Mohican Trail 3 weeks ago. This week will be a little more about intensity than miles and then 2 weeks of lots of rest. Not feeling as confident going into CAT this year as I was last but I think my legs can bounce back and be fairly strong come race day. Anyway just a little pre-race update. Thanks for reading!

Peace,
Eric

All The Way

The breath can take us all the way there - peace, joy, enlightenment, God. The simple act of watching the breath, relinquishing control and always, always returning to the breath in times of thought filled wanderings. A small price to pay for keys to the kingdom.
Try it.

Peace,
Eric

I Want You (To Become A Vegan)

It's no longer enough that I'm a vegan - I want you to be one as well. I have removed myself from the cycle of cruelty that is our food source -however the source remains and animals continued to be tortured and slaughtered for a moments pleasure on a plate. It's an over indulgence of cruelty that offers a karmic payback of heart disease, diabetes, cancer and other "natural" occurrences. It needs to end. It has to end. The earth - our only home - won't support it. Oceans are over fished and rivers polluted. Living beings are nothing more than commodities. Rich soil turned to dust. Why? To continue to eat in a way that is not only unnecessary but killing us too. I'll spare everyone the photos and videos of where our food comes from. Everyone already knows and everyone ignores - it doesn't happen if we don't see it right? And so we continue consuming in mindless cruelty. Until we change - until we wake up and bring to our tables a mindful compassion. It can happen. It has for me and countless others. It will for you too...I hope...I pray...I beg.

Peace,
Eric

Spark

It's a shame to be stuck in self created (or inherited) borders - a box of our own making. Change is hard and change is fearful and worse still is a lack of curiosity to step outside these boundaries that limit and hold us in ignorance. Yet we're all afraid. We're all ignorant. Except when we're not. Borders are shattered in unexpected moments and often curiosity is born in fragile moments. Siddhartha's trek to become the Buddha began when he first sighted disease, poverty and death - a spark to his awakening. What will ours be? We all have within us the potential fire of enlightenment waiting to burn - we only need a spark.

Peace,
Eric

Keep Running

Running is an act of devotion - to self, to body, to mind and soul. It is a selfish act turned selfless. We run to look good, to feel good and to get faster and fitter. It leads to fitness and happiness. If pursued long enough and far enough it leads to something more. Through the body we reach the mind, and from there...we touch on spirit. Keep running.
You'll find it.


Peace,
Eric

Be Breathed

Don't labor the breath...the body knows on it's
own accord. Be breathed in the expansion of air, body and
soul.
Nothing to force.
Not a thing to strive for.
Just a breath...
Realized,
Fully
And let go.