Writing

There are times when I don't feel like writing - yet there is no time when I don't wish to be a writer. So I write. Everyday. Even just a few words act as kindling to a larger fire of inspiration that burns in an unseen realm known only to the Muse. I write to please her. To feed to fire. And wait for another day when inspiration burns the page.

Peace,
Eric

Bob's Hill

Bob's Hill - a 1745 foot climb on the Catoctin Trail in Frederick Maryland. It's the hill of meditation - run 10 steps, walk 20, breathe, run, walk....endless. Eventually - we get to the top of every hill. Keep stepping. Walk when you have to. And breathe.

Peace,
Eric

Vipassana

As if once surrendered of
self and will....the breath has now taken
me...leading further within then
ever before.
I am choice less - given fully to a
moments notice -
if only for the moments
lasting.   

Free

Just sitting...just breathing...just watching. So simple...and yet worlds are opened. Again we come to layers - we are conditioned in beliefs that keep us far away from our essential self. From birth we are told name and age and given education in the ways of doing. The art of simply being is lost along with our identity of a self beyond ego. Meditation is undoing - it's a lessening of the bonds that chain us to a illusionary world. It's Samsara - the world of birth and death and suffering in between. Meditation is the key that frees us from these chains.
All we have to do is sit.
And breathe.
And watch.

Peace,
Eric

Simply Be

We are layers of fabrication...undone only in the
course of breath and patience.
The self of our belief no more then a
prop of thought and ego.
Watch the self unfold in a single
moment of pure
awareness -
We are less than what we thought and
more then we have dreamed.

Watch the breath....and simply be.

Peace,
Eric

Follow The Breath

Simply follow the breath...an expansion of allowance...breathing in...and then a letting go...breathing out. Soon there comes a pure awareness. Thoughts become clouds of lessening weight....drifting...leaving no trace in the wake of their passing. And then no thought...perhaps a moment...only being....breath still and calm. There is peace.

Follow the breath.


Peace,
Eric

Thank You

There's a lot that I want - and little that I need. Finding the balance to this is an important aspect to living. Most importantly is learning to be happy with what we have. It's that happiness, a gratefulness in all that comes our way that actually clears the path for more god to come into our lives. German mystic Meister Eckhart stated that -"if the only prayer we ever said was thank you, it would be enough."
On that note - thank you to all who stop by hear.

Peace,
Eric

Plans

So my plans are laid clear - 3 more weeks of training for CAT and then a long taper. From there is a long prep to the Croatan 24 Hour Run in North Carolina with races along the way as hard training runs - this will include Labor Pains 12 Hour Run and Baltimore City Marathon. I'm excited about the timed runs for a number of reason - the mental aspect, a bit more relaxed as there's no "official" number to reach and the possibility of helping me break through to a higher level in my ultra running. I'll be setting modest goals for each timed event - giving it some thoughts now and will post soon to make them more concrete. It's good to have plans! Thanks for reading.

Peace,
Eric

Watch The Breath

Watch the breath. Thoughts gather - watch them. Thoughts disperse - watch them. Watch the breath. Repeat as needed. And that my friends is the essence of meditation. The goal is not to seek the absence of thought but to become the witness to the one who is thinking. And even further beyond the witness - to eternal silence. It's there. Waiting. Accessible. We only have to sit - and watch the breath.

Peace,
Eric

This Indeed

Running is prayer. Devotion offered to both ground and sky - steps measured in soulful cadence. The mind churns thoughts yet soon falls still in natures wonder. Harmony in limbs and breath and beat of heart. We are unified in pursuit of distance.
This indeed is why we run.


Peace,
Eric

Better Choices Equal Compassionate Response

One argument I often hear is that vegans believe they are better then meat eaters, that they judge people who eat meat as less compassionate. Maybe some do. I don't think the majority do though - just the opposite in face - the believe they are better than NO being. Hence the refusal to eat them. Perhaps the vegan viewpoint is lost in translation and comes across in a manner that doesn't best serve its purpose. Recently I had an on-line discussion where a person declared that being a vegan doesn't make one a better person. I disagreed. I am a better person. And so would be any meat eater who changed their diet to cruelty free. Please notice that I offered no comparison - I did not say that I am a better person than someone who eats meat - but I am a better person then I was when I consumed animals. See - at a certain point compassion is realized as either including the whole of the universe or nothing at all. Compassion is often confused with selective caring - is it compassion when we care about a mistreated dog, cat or horse and then turn around and eat the flesh of an animal that was tortured in ways best left unsaid? It's not that we're not compassionate beings - we all have the seeds of compassion within us - it's that we largely leave the depth of our concern and care (and empathy) unexplored out of the fear of the changes that would have to occur given the compassionate response to the horrors of modern agriculture. So people practice selective caring - it allows them to feel good about their choices without making any changes. Tragically those choices lead to this continuing -

 The animal above was treated this way for one reason - our appetite. Our every meal is a choice and we can choose compassion. We can choose this instead -


Yet we don't. We refuse to recognize that this takes place for the pleasure of our every meal. That's a choice and it makes the person who chooses this less than the person they could be - less than the person they should be. We need to practice compassion. All the time. In all ways. Especially at meal time.

Peace,
Eric

State Of The Races (For Now)

After much thought I believe that I will put my 10 mile ambitions on hold through the summer season - of course all things are subject to change and this could too if the right race or reason come into play. My thoughts for now will be to focus on CAT and the Labor Pain 12 hour run in September. This will leave me in good standing to try for some faster (for me) fall marathons as well. Early winter will be open for a Florida 100k or 100 miler and then another shot at either C&O or Mohican in the spring. Certain races such as Conestoga and Stone Mill are now standard bearers and are on the ticket unless something comes along to top them - doesn't seem likely. Through it all a return to 100 miles will be playing through my thoughts and my training-  getting stronger, tougher and faster are the priorities training and racing wise. Having fun and staying true to my art are beyond priority - it's life. Thanks for reading!

Peace,
Eric

What's Next?

So what's next? Two shots at 100s and coming up short each time. I've enjoyed the experience of each one so I'm not upset at all with the attempts - still - I want a buckle. Maybe it's not meant to be this year or maybe I need to find the right race. I don't know. I'm tempted top give ti one more shot early this fall. Pine Creek in upstate Pa looks beautiful and promising - not sure about another flat 100 though - they are tough on the body and I will be doing some hill work to prep for CAT in the next few weeks. So I'm giving this some thought and considering options. There's always next year too.
Thanks for reading.

Peace,
Eric

Race Report - Mohican 100 Mile Endurance Run 6/15/13

No doubt about it and no excuses - my legs were not ready to handle the relentless pounding from the hills of The Mohican 100 Mile Endurance Run. It was tough - 14,920 feet of climbing and descent tough. That's roughly the same elevation profile for Leadville and more than Vermont. I think it's about 14,000 feet more then my last 100 mile attempt at C&O 100. Since this wasn't a target race and I had mainly trained for the earlier, flat C&O - I knew that whatever mileage I would get would be a challenge and I was prepared to work for it. And I certainly did - two loops (56.6) and an additional scenic hill climb (more on that) was a full days work.
Race day weather was perfect - started cool and warmed up to the mid 80's with a nice breeze. The course is very shady - being mostly single track - and there was a cool (literally and figuratively) waterfall that offered a natural air conditioning moment.

I ran the first loop at an easy pace - knowing that no matter what mileage I finished at it would be a long day. Things proved a littler harder then expected then when I reached my drop bag at the Covered bridge aid station (mile 15) to find out that out of all the runners my drop bag was the only one to be eaten by a raccoon the night before. Being a vegan and sometimes finding it hard to fine sustaining fuel this was a critical issue. I was trying Perpetuem along with our homemade pinole for the first time in a really long event and it seemed to be working find - but now it was fueling a raccoon who I'm sure was somewhere in the forest running laps. A kindly aid volunteer assured me that I one the prize for being the only one with a raccoon eaten bag and that would have made everything better  - except there was no actual prize - just 12 more miles to my next drop bag. So it was lots of fruit to get me by until then.
Oh, to back track just a bit (literally and figuratively) coming into the Covered Bridge Station we somehow missed the sign for the turn to take us there and continued on the trail (up hill) for at least 2 miles. I knew the station was supposed to be near so grew concerned and soon asked a group of runners who told us we had missed the turn and would need to go back and check in - if it wasn't for the check in I think we might have continued on our way to the next aid station - it was a nasty climb and the thought of doing it again was not appealing (of course that would have delayed the raccoon prize for the second loop) So we backtracked into the aid station to only find out the was no check in for the first loop - I guess we asked some speedier runners who were already on their 2nd loop or maybe they check in just to be on the safe side. Either way we still had that nasty climb again - so we did it.
All I can say about the next few hours can be summed up in two words - beautiful, hilly. I could throw in rocky and rooty two I guess. In fact one section of the trail was nothing but roots -

That's the top section - there was more below.

Everyone seemed to enjoy my raccoon adventure and word quickly spread that there was a runner out there with limited supplies and the volunteers all went out of their way to help. The ultra community is awesome! The pinole has proven to be very sustainable and I have felt the need for less calories although I knew if I didn't consume more it would catch up with me later. I had hoped the Perpetuem would help bridge that gap but I was now out of it - so more fruit at every station. I still felt find until the lat 5-6 miles of the 2nd loop when my left calf grew increasingly painful. I had made up my mind that since this wasn't a "goal' race that I would run as far as I could as long as I was happy. Some events it's worth taking something to see it through  - I thought of taking Motrin to get me through one more loop but in the end - with more races coming soon and maybe another shot at 100 (Pine Creek?) I decided to call it a day and collect my 50+ finishers medal - a really cool offering from the Race Director who told me that anyone making it through 50+ miles on the Mohican Course deserved something. I agree. And so did Moca who toughed it out on sheer will and determination (guts) to collect her medal. I'm not sure there was a tougher runner on the course that day. It was amazing to witness and I'm proud of her as a runner and person.
And that's my Mohican adventure. It's a course that I would definitely like to make a main event and gear a whole season of training towards. Maybe even next year. Until then I'll rest up, do some hiking and started prepping for CAT!
A big thanks to all the volunteers and those hiking the trails who had good words for all the runners - it really makes a difference. And another big thanks for the Race Director and all the hard work and effort that went in to making this such a great event.

Thanks for reading!

Peace,
Eric

Endless

The miles were endless...yet
still my steps continued.

~
Two loops on Mohican -53.6 (not counting addtional 3 miles of misdirection) Not a 100 miler but still happy considering how insanely hilly this course is. I'll be back. Stay tuned for race report!

Peace,
Eric

We're Off

Here we go - off to Ohio for the Mohican 100 Mile Endurance Run. This is round two in the quest for 100. No promises and no predictions. I'm just going to run, do my best and have fun - and hope that's enough to cover the miles. I have other 100s in my sights so this one isn't the make or break deal. It's just a race - and that's enough to get me out there and give it my best shot. I'll try and update when I can. Thanks for reading!

Peace,
Eric

Where I Am

Zen meditation, A Course In Miracles, and running seem to occupy a large portion of my interest and reading these days. I'm looking for a new approach to seeing the world and racing with a re commitment to the means that have been my salvation before. Through drinking, job loss, death of a loved one and divorce - I have turned to the above to help turn within for peace, comfort and aid. Along with writing it's what I do - I forgive, I run, I meditate and I write - imperfectly as it seems yet I simply do my best. And it's funny how the effort alone delivers comfort. It's the action of taking action that brings results. As the Course states "Infinite patience produces immediate results" and this makes more sense to me now then 20 years ago when I first read it. Yet the mystery - and the practice still unfolds. I think it always will.

Peace,
Eric

Zen Running With Toltec Seers

The goal for Mohican 100 Mile Endurance Run is a Zen run - to run not detached but un-attached to outcome and situations. My aim is to approach the race as art in the same manner as the Toltec Seers of Mexico approached life. The Toltec Seers where sorcerers - meaning they recognized their connection to the source of all things. They were awakened in the same manner of a Zen Master. Toltec Seers were very much artist of life - reading their life events as whispers from the source and acting accordingly. All of this may seem far fetched - I am neither a Zen Master or Toltec Seer Yet I do posses everything they do. I have the ability to see the world much the same. I'll try on Saturday. I have a 100 miles to get it right.

Peace,
Eric

Up Coming Mohican 100

At the end of this week I attempt another 100 miles - no pressure this time. I'm just out for a day (and night) of running and will let the miles fall where they may. It's not that I don't want 100 miles  - I do and I trained like crazy for the C&O 100 but it just wasn't meant to be on that day. I haven't trained like crazy for this one - I'm relying on the traiing for the C&O and last weeks 50k to see me through whatever distance I make. Next year I will pin point my training towards another 100 (Pine Creek?) and that will be my target race. This is my fun run - and I'm OK with that.

Peace,
Eric

Ultrarunning As Art

While talking with a friend we stumbled over the concept of the ultrarunner as an artist - using our innate creativity to not only allow the race to unfold in its own unique way (using the runner as its medium) but at the same time creating the inner experience that belongs totally to the runner and his/her own perspective. We become co-creators with the not just the race experience but the course itself and create a dialogue with the landscape that guides us through the creative process. The race becomes our own personal artscape with a blend of our interior world and the natural beauty that is so often allowed to pass in a blur to reach the finish line. Approached as art - every race becomes holy and is a sacred passage. There are no demands. Only experiences. We allow and surrender, introduce and subtract and view every scene and every person as a shared participant in our creation. There's no pressure - when a race calls for speed - we offer speed. Every lull a scared pause. We allow what is and wish for nothing more than this and even in our projections forward (it happens) we know it is an essential process - an inner pull - of moments yet to be. We relax. We bring to the race all we have and wait for the course to ask its need - we know we will provide and be provided for - we are co-creators. We are at once the Artist and the Art - our steps unfolding beautifully and in beauty. Holy.

Is it possible?
Sure.
We only need to remind ourselves it is.
It's our run after all.


Peace,
Eric

*Dedicated to those who run as Art. You know who you are.

Day Hike

Day hike today at Cunningham Falls in Frederick County - it's beautiful country there and only a 45 minute drive from the Baltimore area. Every time I go out there I ask myself why I don't make the (minimal )effort to run and hike there more often. I hope to make it a priority this summer - at least once or twice a month. It also reminded me of how much I love to just hike - long or short - and the time on the feet is perfect, low(er) impact training for ultras. Not too mention that walking in the mountains is in itself its own reward. We're planning some fairly extensive distance day or multiple day hikes this summer through the fall and I'm really excited about this - it's definitely getting back to my roots. And that was my day - and it was pretty awesome. Hope yours is as well. Thanks for reading!

Peace,
Eric

Letter To A Friend

I wrote this quite some time ago and a friend recently brought it back to my attention. (Thank you) Just wanted to share and hope it may help anyone who needs some words from a friend.


~


 In this life of ours we will presented with the lofty peaks of our attainment and
fulfillment. Yet from every peak will be the often sudden and sometimes gradual
ascension to the valleys of our despair and hopelessness. This is the life of all who
enter the realm of desire. This is our life and we share the rise and fall, the peaks
and the valleys with every other person alive now or ever.

Certainly the Buddha faced the valley of despair as he left his family in the dark of
night in search of answers to questions barely formed. And again certainly in his six
years search of enlightenment he must have touched upon the lofty peaks of
spiritual attainment. And yet every peak proved to be a temporary slope back to the
level ground of everyday existence.
In desperation the soon to be Buddha sat himself under the bodhi tree and
declared the end to chasing distant peaks. Enlightenment would come to him or
not at all. And so it did and what the Buddha found was that suffering was a fact
of life. And more startling…was that although pain will indeed be a constant
visitor throughout every life…suffering itself is optional.

If we were to ask, perhaps the Buddha would tell us that we suffer in the "valley"
due to our longing for distant peaks. The valley itself is just as it is...painful
yes...but the suffering is ours alone. By clinging to what we wish for, to what we
long for, we deny ourselves the experience of what each moment may hold for us.

My friends, the pain that life offers, the loss and the fear are all spring boards for a
new life. When we deny ourselves the gift of pain we miss the deeper healing that
takes place. And again we repeat the self inflicted wounds in other moments, in
new relationships and differing experiences.
With every ending comes pain...and with this pain...indeed perhaps the pain
itself...is the very healing and peace we seek.

My hope for each of you is to find your salvation within this valley. And then may
you see that the peaks of your distant longings...are yours forever.


I love you,
Eric

Resentment

Resentment is the major roadblock to peace of mind. That means any resentment. A course In Miracles teaches that not only are there no justified resentments but that there are no differences in the size or importance to our resentments either. God doesn't care about our resentments. Our peace of mind is independent of who did what to us - it's only interested in our response. And there's only one response that satisfies the spirit and that's forgiveness. Forgiveness is the letting go of resentment - it's the recognition that only the ego can be wounded and as spiritual beings we are forever unharmed. Our response to resentment hinges on which we we turn - inward to spirit or outward towards ego. Our short and long term peace of mind hinges on this as well. It always serves me to remember that resentment keeps an issue alive between me and another (even if that person doesn't participate) and forgiveness turns the issue complete over to the hands of God (in the language of The Course  - Holy Spirit) and I too am no longer a participant in any issue that demands an ego response. It's a useful reminder and one I practice daily.

Peace,
Eric

Sway

So much unnoticed - as if our eyes were meant to
view the world but not the secrets of its
gifts.
Yet grace appears in the faith beyond
our senses...it's the sway of leaves
dancing in an unseen breeze.

There's a holy breeze constant in its giving...close your
eyes and sway

 

 

~

One of the joys distance running, long miles on trails and through unpopulated land - is that it takes a runner beyond. A runner's steps trace a map that leads inwards and each mile delves to deeper terrain. Ancient runners searched for magic with their steps - a vision quest of motion. We are an ancient breed too - runners in modern garb and tribal hearts. We search for magic, a wish to step beyond and every mile is the promise to endure. And we do.


CAT 2013

Catoctin 50k - CAT. It's the 50k of the year and maybe even the race of the year. Last years training was devoted (for the most part) solely for CAT. This year it's been more about an attempt at the 100 mile distance and I have one more attempt to go - Mohican 100 Mile Endurance Run on June 15th. After that  it's all about getting ready for CAT. And that means hill work, strength work and speed training. I don't want to be out there all day! The speed work did seem to pay off last year in a faster race and more resiliency. I didn't overly focus on hills (I certainly didn't neglect them though) and this year will have more hill focus and also spending a bit more time on rockier trails to help prepare the feet for what's to come. CAT is its own special beast and needs to be approached that way for success beyond a simple finish. I would love a sub 8 hour finish at CAT and it was in the cards last year until stomach issues derailed me for a 8:04 finish. I'll go for it again this year - it's always fun to try!


Peace,
Eric

Subjectively Happy - Why Run A Ultra If You're Not Going To Finish?

There are many reasons to run a 100 mile ultra - and finishing is certainly a priority to most and being that's it is a race that may be as it should. Yet not every race is going to be a finish and not every start is meant to be raced. It's an individual event and experience and it belongs to no one other then the runner. Toeing the line at Mohican in (less then) two weeks I am not sure a finish is in the cards. I just don't know - and I'm not that pressed about it. I do know that a lot of miles on a new and exciting trail are the order for the day. I'll try out some new fuel, make some new friends and push myself for as far and and as long as I am happily able (with happy be a very subjective experience) There will be other races where I am in a place - body, mind, spirit - where I feel the need to push myself farther to the limit. This isn't the one - this is my subjectively happy race. And who knows - it might just get me to the finish.

Peace,
Eric

Post Race/Pre Race

Resting up and setting my sights on the Mohican 100 Mile Endurance Run - admittedly it's a long shot but the finish isn't the objective - the run, the trails and the experience are. I'm ready for that and I'm ready for a long day (literally) in the woods. So often - and too often - we (maybe just me?) lose track of why we're out there running these races. A finish is nice and it's what we strive for and train for - but it's the experience itself, the wild places we run - that keep us cming back for me.
I'l keep that in mind in the next few weeks.
It's important.

Peace,
Eric  

Race Review - North Face Endurance Challenge 50k 2013

Saturday June 1st was my 4th running of the North Face Endurance Challenge. My first year was the 50 miler and it's been 50k ever since. I love the course but three times around the Great Falls area is a little too much of the same for me. It's a beautiful trail though and makes for a great 50k. Some of the out and back sections can be a bit mind dumbing but once you get to the falls you forget about everything but the view! It's a very runnable course too - with rolling hills and long sections of single track. As always the volunteers were awesome - North Face is of course a major outdoor retailer and they have the time and money to put on a spectacular event and it shows in the details of the aid stations. Everything a thirsty, hungry, tired runner could need - except in one section. There is a dreaded stretch of miles (7.6 this year) with no aid and no water and this year was especially brutal with unexpected heat in the 90s. Plenty of people dropped due to this section and I really can't blame them. Several became severely ill with trips to the hospital as a result. I was told this stretch is private property and they are not allowed to have aid here - but a solution is really needed as I'm afraid something deadly serious will happened here one year. The course runs long at 32.64 - and it was tough this year. Again the heat took a toll. Last year was a mud fest making for difficult running and I was still an hour faster than I was this year. It made for a challenging day and if I wasn't ready for heat racing before this event I am now.
Once again I had my pose down with Dean - and once again Dean edged me out. The man appears to be carved from stone. He's the reason my ultra training contains bicep work. One year though....

So this leaves me with two weeks to recover for the Mohican 100 and whatever that day brings. I've blogged my goals for this race before but once more I'll just say that I have no expectations for the race other than to run for as long, as far and as happy as I am able. After that it's a crap shoot.

Oh, pinole. I liked it. During the long stretch without water I felt unable to consume anything - so I didn't even bother. Yet after I refuel at the second to last aid station I was able to take off and run steady at a better pace than almost any other time of the race. I do credit this to the "clear burning" calories of the pinole - it's substantial, sustainable energy that's easy on the stomach. I felt that it kept me well fueled between aid stations and allowed me to skip the junk and concentrate on fruit and potatoes once I reach them. Definitely a keeper for the next race.

Thanks for reading!

Peace,
Eric

Brief Update

Another successful run of the North Face Endurance Run - but it wasn't easy. Brutal heat and lack of water in many places made it a tough day out there. I'll post more tomorrow but wanted to touch base. A little worried that the effort may have compromised my recovery for the Mohican 100 but if I take it easy and don't set my heart on the 100 but just be happy with miles covered I should be alright. Thanks for reading.

Eric