there are infinite ways of looking at any one thing - our perspective doesn't have to be a fixed ideal, settled in the time of a singular occurrence. I think of this as its dawned on me that I am somewhere near the twenty year anniversary since I quit drinking. The actual date no longer stands out to me, and in truth isn't of great importance. I don't celebrate the beginning of my sobriety, nor mark it as any type of occasion, although it was certainly a catalyst into a very different life. So in this light, and at this moment my thoughts turn towards the gift of troubled times, everything leading up to that exact instant when I knew my path was changed. It was a meaningful event, tragic, and completely ordinary in its happening. I could have continued on afterwards in the same behavior, maybe slightly altered with some insight gained. Instead, I was offered grace - and it wasn't presented as a choice, or demand, or even as a new path for me to follow. To say that I chose sobriety wouldn't really be true - what was given was a clear awareness of a life lived without drinking began right now and never proceeded beyond this moment.
I am sober right now.
And have always been.
That's it.
Any struggle that tool place belonged in the same moment of my sobriety. I never had to think beyond right now. What happened yesterday really was/is non-existent. Tomorrow will never actually occur in the sense of my projection.
It always stays right now.
There was no long term struggle, and no regrets for past behavior. Of course I am sorry for those who I have hurt through my drinking. But making amends takes place now, heals now, and provides clarity to now.
There's no where else to be.
It's the same with sobriety.
This isn't a magical formula, a recipe for mystical healing, or an invitation for a greater power - although I don't dismiss of this at all.
It's simply awareness.
Right now I'm sober, alive, aware.
I don't have to do a single thing for any of this to be - no mindful meditation on the power of now, no mantra to remind me of being in the moment.
I am.
Always.
Again, there is nowhere else I could possible be.
~
That was the grace that I was given - just the clear awareness that right now I was/am sober and to relax into this, whatever this might be.
And so I did.
No matter what was happening - struggle, guilt, shame.
Craving.
That same grace was always present.
May it be for you as well.
Peace,
Eric
I am sober right now.
And have always been.
That's it.
Any struggle that tool place belonged in the same moment of my sobriety. I never had to think beyond right now. What happened yesterday really was/is non-existent. Tomorrow will never actually occur in the sense of my projection.
It always stays right now.
There was no long term struggle, and no regrets for past behavior. Of course I am sorry for those who I have hurt through my drinking. But making amends takes place now, heals now, and provides clarity to now.
There's no where else to be.
It's the same with sobriety.
This isn't a magical formula, a recipe for mystical healing, or an invitation for a greater power - although I don't dismiss of this at all.
It's simply awareness.
Right now I'm sober, alive, aware.
I don't have to do a single thing for any of this to be - no mindful meditation on the power of now, no mantra to remind me of being in the moment.
I am.
Always.
Again, there is nowhere else I could possible be.
~
That was the grace that I was given - just the clear awareness that right now I was/am sober and to relax into this, whatever this might be.
And so I did.
No matter what was happening - struggle, guilt, shame.
Craving.
That same grace was always present.
May it be for you as well.
Peace,
Eric
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