My Absence

it's my absence- not of thought, or body, or even sense of who I am, but the absence of a self that seeks to always be in control, the absence of the knowing mind. In truth, nothing is really absent, in truth none of these things ever existed at all. But I believed in them. They appeared and with the added weight of belief- became anchored in my mind. They became my identity. One day I looked for this actual self that believed he was so important, so essential to it all - and found nothing but a spacious, aware, understanding. Everything was still appearing as usual, identity, ownership of the world I believed to have created, but there was no solid presence for it all to appear to. Just appearance, appearing, and awareness of it all. Still, sometimes I forget and believe in the existence of an all important self. It's how life goes sometimes. But I can always look again and find my absence. 

It's always there, clear, and waiting. 

~

Peace,

Eric