Of Service

to find myself of service - sometimes our path isn't laid out so clear, not at first, and then it comes sudden in its appearance. Now here I am, a full time caregiver for my father through his remaining years with congestive heart failure. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, after all I was a caregiver, along with my father, for my mother as she declined to Alzheimer's. I'm not unfamiliar with the role. But the suddenness and intensity of this recent turn has still caught me by surprise. 

yoga has many paths within it's system, all leading to the same end of realization of our divine essence, union, and achievable through following our path. In this sense we're all yogi's of some means, even if our direction isn't as apparent as it could be. We are all given epiphanies of guidance through life, a businessman suffers ail health due to the stress of overwork and turns to health and renewed devotion to his family, is one such example. No great explanation is needed for this shift of concerns and the businessman has no idea of his yogic turn upon the path. 

we're all yogi's.

yet even though I find now in clear service to my dad - I'm not so sure my path is karma yoga, of action and selfless in its giving. It certainly seems so, and it's easy to lose any sense of ego while performing mundane task with care and love. My actions are vital to his well being and his appreciation is sincere. Again it's a clear path and one I'm grateful to be traveling. I am happy to be of service. But I've always been somewhat dismissive of labels, even ones that seem to fit so easy to my way and interest. I am a yogi of sorts, a lifetime of practice, committed to a path of meditation, writing, asanas of mind and body. Just as certain, I am drawn to action, a physical display of my commitment. Still, I hold no label that fits with ease, and after all, these paths are really one in their intent and nature. 

however,

there is one path that does call clear to me, shedding label in its sincerity - bhakti, devotion, and here it's without deity or guru, but simply the grace of giving for the sake of only love. I am not in service for my father, under no obligation of any path to follow. I am devoted to his well being, to his dignity deserved through his own lifetime of care. To this point I am a bhakti yogi, losing any sense of self in the pure motion of removing shoes at the end of the day, a steady hand to aid his own as he brushes his teeth, and thousands of once unnoticed task so easy for the strong to take for granted. I am devoted to each moment of his need, and provide myself with reminders of my own forgiveness should I believe a failure of my notice. No path is ever easy and any stray step is still certain in devotion to the ground beneath it. I am clear in service, and deeper still, I am devoted to ease my father to his final days. For however long it's my path to travel. 

~

Peace, Eric