In My Control

In my control: 

there's so little truly in my control - it seems that life is more about the appearance of things and then my response to whatever's been given. Life happens completely on its own and it's an illusion of belief that I am somehow a separate event from it all. Clearly seen, I am an aspect of life in free fall, nothing to grasp, and no solid place in which to land. 

there's just falling,

a surrender without cause.

life continues happening - and I am joined to its events, belonging to every current course without need to influence or control. Demands are still made, wishes given to the air, and desires declared. I am free, but not free of anything. I am full participant of life. But I know that my demands may be unmet, and that wishes and desires are often unfulfilled. When falling, it's best to be unburdened, there's no need to cling to every certain sense of comfort. 

and that's my surrender, with no debate to freewill or apparent choices to be made - there's always my response, a decision given, and consequences happen. Nothing really changes in a bottomless fall, life continues, events occur, and I find myself participating in it all. It's a strange fall indeed. Yet there is a subtle difference now.

the illusion of control is gone. 

unburdened falling. 

there's so little truly in my control, maybe nothing at all. I have no idea of the complexities of life, how it entwines through infinite events, lifetimes, and none of this in my control. It's such a relief to know this, to relax completely as myself. To just be. That's freedom. It's the lesson of falling, directionless flight, and my only true response is to smile, cry, grieve, and all with the joy of having no control.

just falling...

and knowing I belong. 

~

Peace, Eric