Only Love

Only love:  

of course there's no way I could have anticipated the changes this year brought, with profound loss, chaotic events, and the fear that this all produced. But I am grateful that I've had the tools to navigate these situations, namely forgiveness, finding myself steeped in this practice now, and able to turn more willingly and quickly towards the choice of peace. With every seeming loss there came a pivot, maybe not always immediately, but in an intuitive fashion, feeling my way through the currents and trusting that the waters would eventually calm. Forgiveness was what kept me afloat, practiced in the sense that yes, there is loss present, heartache even, yet ultimately, even at my deepest point of pain...

only love was ever present.

and this,

I never doubted.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: The Holy Instant

Also, please visit to buy: A Year of Forgiveness

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Four Years Ago

Four years ago: 

four years ago today my father came home from the hospital for the last time, hospice care in place, and I settled in for what I thought would be several months of continued care-giving on my part. He passed away later that evening with me by his side. There was a lot that left me that day, my father, and the sense of purpose he gave me as a son and caregiver. 

I miss him.

my life has been a series of continuous loss over the course of these last few years. Some losses have been small, although affecting the overall quality of my days, others, have actually equaled the loss of my father. Maybe that's life at 60, continuous loss of all the things we've already wanted to hold to. A Course in miracles reminds me that loss is a misperception of reality, that nothing real can ever be truly taken, and that my role, especially at 60, is that I am to look deeper now to see that which remains. These are my years of trust, ultimately so, and my view can't solely be placed on the things that change. I am to look for the eternal now. 

I just never thought it would be so difficult. 

or hurt so deeply.

and yet,

there is light here too, there is the presence of the eternal, and it's becoming more real to me with each passing day. My trust is growing, inches at a time it seems, and the deep hurt reminds me of how tight my grip remains, but the light lengthens further still, showing me the way beyond this sense of loss. I miss my father. I mourn the ending of relationships. I wish certain things were easier. for me. Mostly though, I am so grateful for that light, the eternal, and how it's growing as presence. I see that life at 60 has brought me here, not through loss, but by recognition of that which remains - love.

four years ago it seemed I lost something vital.

today,

there is the eternal.

there's light.

and there...I find the presence of my father,

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Together

Also, please visit to buy: Eternal Life and A Course in Miracles

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What I truly Mourn

What I truly mourn: 

what I mourn is a lost capacity to love, that any tragic loss brings an end to the possibility of a change of heart, an epiphany that turns us towards an inner source of true connection. This is the end result of all violence, it's the closing of every heart that chose a side and made anyone an enemy. I mourn not just the loss of life, but even more so, that it's harder now to heal. I'm afraid that a line has been drawn that now defines us, with neither side able to hear that quiet voice of love.

there's one less possibility for a change of heart.

and that is what I truly mourn.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Until We're Healed

Also, please visit to buy: I Don't Know, Maybe, I love You

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Softest of Awakenings

Softest of awakenings;

it's enough for me that life has given cause for these softest of awakenings to occur, no grand enlightening experience, only a sense of brokenness, of having been on the keen edge of loss and sorrow, and that this has allowed insights to appear through my own spacious nature. That's it really, that life has broken me open and nothing of certainty was found within, no true and lasting self that had a permanent grasp on anything at all. 

just an openness for the entirety of life to flow through.

it's not enlightenment, but it's an enduring love that's been present to me all along, unconditional in its hold, compassionate, and it's through these softest of awakenings that I'm able to find myself here, having never strayed from this truest sense of home. 

the truth is, I don't need to be enlightened, it's enough for me to softly awakened to this love, knowing that it's always present, and that life has brought me to this awareness through my every greatest loss, through my sense of brokenness and sorrow. 

in this softest of awakenings...

I find myself at home. 

~

Peace, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Transitory Shade of Green

Also, please visit to buy: Into the Haunted Ground

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