Not Measured

Not measured: 

of course I want to feel better, pain free in body and mind, if even by slight degrees - and yet so much of my suffering doesn't really stem from discomfort, but from measurement. How I feel right now is my return point, always coming back to the experience of the moment. No matter what it is. I don't have to like it. I'm free to judge it, seek to change it, or even deny it for a length of time. But it's always my return point - whatever it might be. 

and this is also where I heal.

if I measure any distance from this moment and hold it as my only goal then I will suffer. My return point is without comparison, it can't be measured, only accepted. The paradox is that the more I stay here, wandering and measuring less - the easier I heal. Yes, I have an objective, an end game I'd like to accomplish, and I'm willing to work towards this. But I won't sacrifice the present moment to achieve it, my only true goal is to not suffer.

and that doesn't arrive from time or distance.

it's right now.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: White Noise of Friendship

Also, please visit to browse: A Course in Miracles

Thank you. 

White Noise of Friendship

White noise of friendship: 

a few nights ago, in the throes of anxiety, unable to lay down for more than a minute or two, I turned to social media for just a moment of distraction. This turned out to be a fortunate decision, not doomed scrolling, but seeking the calm of familiar faces and friendships. I didn't reach out to anyone, just scanned the areas that would put me at ease a bit. Many miles away, another country actually, a friend who knows my habits well realized that this was not my usual time to be online and immediately surmised that something might be wrong and reached out to me. As I explained my situation, lying back in bed to listen to her reply, a curious thing happened - the sound of friendship, kindness, and the empathy of someone who has suffered this as well began to fade to a white noise. Her voice was calming, familiar as the background sounds of my home, and slowly the constriction of my breath, throat and mind relaxed to the point that sleep became a possibility. What my friend offered, knowingly, was presence, and she filled it with the constant reminder that she was real, softly caring, and that I could trust in her voice, not the content, to guide me home.

and it did.

white noise of friendship. 

my friend appreciates A Course in Miracles, although she isn't an avid student. She's relatively new to it's teachings. But she was open and available as an instrument of love, a vehicle for the Holy Spirit to reach me and I don't thing either one of us doubted it. A Course in Miracles is more than a book, not just a teaching for a select few to study - it's a living expression of love, a moment to the very next moment of openness and surrender to the voice for God within. My friend knew just what to do to help me, and yet she most likely would be hard pressed to explain exactly how. 

she doesn't have to.

and that's really how we practice A Course in Miracles. 

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: So This is My Practice

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.

So This is My Practice

So this is my practice:

so this is my practice, right now with a host of issues and one in particular that's demanding a great deal of my attention. My role is to forgive everything that arises, releasing the tension of distress without question or evaluating progress. To keep forgiving until...well, I guess there is no until, to just keep forgiving as long as there's a world that needs forgiveness. 

so my practice is this moment,.right now,

noticing all that arise - tension in jaw, how it shifts just enough from alignment to trigger an alarming gasp of breath, repeating throughout the night until exhaustion. There's a host of thoughts that rush forward to evaluatie danger, anxiety gathers, sometimes near panic. It often feels endless. 

so this is my practice.

or part of it.

and so I keep forgiving.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: After Effects

Also, please visit to browse: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.

After Effects

After Effects:

I'm feeling slightly off this morning, behind in my usual schedule, a structure I greatly enjoy in its usual rhythm of meditation, yoga and writing. There's a bit of a struggle for words right now. I'm feeling a rush to get something on the page before I fall even further behind in my routine. And of course all of it's completely made up. There's no reason for any of this to feel as it does other than my own insistence that it be a certain way. This morning I slept in, a whole 30 minutes, much needed as an episode of anxiety kept me up the entire night before. The effects are still lingering with me now, a sense of guilt for sleeping in, that nagging feeling that I have to rush to make everything work for me today. All after Effects of anxiety. So today- the emphasis is on kindness. I'll slow down a little, give myself a break from rigid, self established routine. There's nowhere I have to be and nothing to get done. 

really, I need do nothing. 

the Holy Spirit tells me that this is so, 

and I rest in this awareness. 

content to simply be.

~

I love you,

Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: One Forgiven Moment

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.

One Forgiven Moment

One Forgiven Moment: 

last night I passed through a long stretch of anxiety that often bordered on sheer panic. This was the most severe episode in ages, it's been years since I've had a moment this bad. And here I am this morning, effects lingering, feeling trauma from an near endless night and a bit of dread for this evening when I lay my head down again for another attempt at sleep. I have a day in between the two that offers my the opportunity of forgiveness, erasing both trauma and dread through the continuous return to this present moment, lovingly, repeatedly...returning. 

and that's also how I navigated last night, breathing from the diaphragm, holding a focused relaxation on the trigger area jaw and throat - and mostly just forgiving myself for the thought that this shouldn't be happening to me again. I forgave the false beliefs of cured, healed, and shouldn't and simply brought my attention back to what was happening right now. And dealt with that. Over and over again. Eventually there came a light sleep and a brand new day. 

this morning I'll tend to myself, a gentle recovery, 

and continue to forgive. 

I have no idea what the evening holds...but I will make my way through it.

one forgiven moment at time.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: My Own Special Function

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.

My Own Special Function

My own special function:

I want to be very careful in considering what A Course in miracles calls my "special function" the core task assigned to each of for the salvation of the world. It's so easy for the ego to rush in and lay claim to almost any role that helps glorify it's position. What I've found is that there's really no singular job to hold to, no specific title that I can say is mine - it seems that our special function is much to fluid to be contained within a set perimeter, it blooms wherever we are planted if tended to properly. I am very much at home right now on my YouTube channel, comfortable with guests, and also just enjoying times where there's carefree banter and helping others feel peaceful and at ease. My special function isn't being a content creator, it's much deeper than any description. 

but I'll try and summarize a bit here.

my special function is joy. 

it's curiosity.

laughter.

and most importantly it's offering these things to you, whether on my YouTube channel or in person. My only real talent...is sharing. So wherever I go, anyplace I might find myself, I am tasked with the special function of offering you love through my own unique capacity of doing so.

it's a wonderful function to fulfill.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Everything's Forgiven

Also, please visit to browse: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.

Everything's Forgiven

Everything's forgiven: 

and so now I'm beginning to recognize my own call for healing, finally, my attacks thoughts subdued to eventual surrender and a gentle peace is found. I recognize that only my most loving thoughts are true, anything else and I am calling for help in a language not my own and with little hope of actually being heard. This is a very subtle understanding, recognizing my defensiveness, the smallest judgement, and every resentment held longer than the swifest moment is an appeal for healing. For a long time I've been able to spot this in another and immediately begin to offer forgiveness, even if it seemed to take some time at least the recognition was there and my heart would start to soften. 

yet my own cries were far too unheard.

long ignored.

and worse,

believing I was undeserving of any healing.

what changed for me was...you.

my forgiving practice has finally reached me, turned inward in its focus, and it's only because I so sincerely wanted to see the light of God within you. In everyone. And this became a beautiful self reflecting gem, an Indra's net of forgiveness that couldn't help but to eventually find me. So now I am internally focused upon healing, mindful of the littest shift towards excluding myself from any healing or aspect of forgiveness.. I am so grateful for my every reflection that's offered in the guise of another. I see myself in you...and everything's forgiven.

finally.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Signpost of Words

Also, please visit to browse: A Course In Miracles

Thank you.