Blessed Indeed

Blessed indeed:

for most of my life I've enjoyed exceptional health, having been able to take my body over extreme lengths of displays of fitness, and with every biomarker indicating that all was sound. Today those markers still check true, my health is measurably fine right now. 

and yet I feel like I'm falling apart.

of course there's small issues appearing on a hard worn body. A Trickly left knee, a back that takes careful warm up each morning to feel pain free and ready to face the day. I'm fortunate to have such small issues when so many at this age begin to suffer so much more. 

I'm blessed indeed.

also,

there's an undercurrent of anxiety right now, too sleepless nights alarmingly strung together. There's an issue at hand that my Dr's haven't been able to diagnose nor properly treat. The issue might be my jaw, misaligned from a missing back tooth, and creating pressure and spasms through my neck. At night, laying down, it triggers acute anxiety, as if airways are alarmingly restricted and I ride waves of panic and spasms into a very shallow sleep. If I'm lucky. Many nights are completely sleepless. Some potent anxiety meds proved helpful but short term and some lighter muscle relaxants don't seem to be working very well at all. There's a few doctors appointments scheduled, a dentist and neurologist and I hope for some helpful information and course of treatment. 

but's that's not what this is about.

not really,

this is about forgiveness.

truly so.

how the one dependable thing has been a steady practice of forgiving a growing lists of ails, letting go of a once reliable identity, and settling into a deeper healing now. It seems that forgiveness is the very point of aging, with new opportunities arising daily and in ways I never once imagined. 

what a wonderful opportunity.

I'm blessed indeed,

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: There's Always My Return

Also, please visit to buy; Jesus: An Autobiography

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There's Always My Return

There's always my return: 

a release, and then the soft return of breath - whenever it arrives. Such an simple meditation, no deep concentration needed, just the breath and it's natural mantra of the sound "so" on the inbreath and "hum" as it's let go. Yet what happens is profound, a settling in at first, relaxed, and then moments left between breaths, suspended for an untold time in a spacious awareness. 

it's a beautiful beingness.

of course it doesn't last, the mind eventual strays from breath and the rhythm of the mantra. 

but there's always my return. 

away from my meditation cushion, another rhythm is established - forgiveness has it's own natural mantra, soft words of letting go of even the slightest grievance or resentment. This too is meditation and it's effects are even more profound than those moments on the cushion. The rhythm of of breath and mantra is an easy allowing of intake and release. There's no interference on my end, no interruption of passing thoughts to force even the quietest of intention. 

it's natural.

and so is forgiveness.

my mantra, always slightly changing, is simply a request for Holy Spirit to show me the divine light beneath it all. That's it. Nothing more is needed. And when I forget, as I often still do....

there's always my return. 

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: To Be Truly Helpful

Also, please visit to buy: Living With Miracles

Thank you. 

To Be Truly Helpful

To be truly helpful: 

that I am here to be truly helpful, yes, and I know this for certain now. This is karma yoga, selfless service to the divine through my smallest interactions. It's also the beginning of one of the most beloved prayers in A Course in Miracles:

²I am here only to be truly helpful.
³I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
⁴I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.
⁵I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.
⁶I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal. (ACIM, T-2.V-A.18:2-6)

it's the second line that grabs my attention, especially the word "represent" and the relief it brings. I no longer have to try and place myself front and center, a conflicted healer or teacher at a loss for just the right words to say. 

³I am here to represent Him Who sent me. (ACIM, T-2.V-A.18:3)

and what follows this is an immediate surrender - everything needed to be truly helpful to others is then provided. This is where the prayer shifts to pure devotion, a willingness to let go of my personal agenda and allow myself to be guided to wherever God wishes me to be. 

 ⁴I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.

⁵I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me. (ACIM, T-2.V-A.18:4-5)

the very last line is confirmation of my connection to the world. No one heals alone and you're healing is essential to mine. This a prayer of oneness really, a chain event to self-realization, and those finishing words are our salvation - mind and yours. 

ours.

⁶I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal. (ACIM, T-2.V-A.18:6) 

and so we're healed together.

amen.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: I'm Starting To

Also, please visit to buy: Living With Miracles

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I'm Starting To

I'm starting to:

this year has had a high focus on establishing trust, allowing a higher guidance to lead me through life in a more complete way than ever before. It's not really something that can be measured, and definitely not judged in its success. Trusting is something that unfolds naturally over a time, revealed as well as developed through continuous choices made. 

and sometimes it arrives by grace.

a Holy Instant.

my own example is the complete and instant faith I gave to my sobriety almost thirty years ago. It was unearned and definitely felt undeserving at the time. Back then I didn't quite have the langue to frame it, A Course in Miracles was still fairly new to me and my practice rather laxed. Yet without a doubt sobriety came to me as the highest act of trust, being asked for just a little willingness to see my life another way - nothing forced, still an option to say no....

and I was willing.

my tolerance for pain finally reaching its capacity.

over a decade of self destruction ended.

just like that.

of course what followed was commitment, practice, my entire life given to this higher guidance. And there was so much forgetting along the way, mistrust, and just plain stubbornness. That moment of complete trust and the gift of sobriety was a high watermark that hasn't often been reached since.I know this grace is always present though, displayed in infinitely smaller ways. 

I'm trusting.

I just don't always see it...but I'm starting to now.

finally.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: My Return Point

Also, please visit to buy: Of Course in Miracles

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My Return Point

My return point: 

I love meditation, it's been a steady practice for decades, leading me from  troubled mind of addiction to a truly inspired life. I've been blessed by my practice. What's been most helpful, meaningful, is the return that it offers me. Even after so many years of practice my mind will still roam from breath and mantra, a thought hooks me and I'm wandering far from my original focus. Yet I always have a place to come back to, a patient mantra or steadiness of breath that welcomes my return. 

and so my meditation continues.

forgiveness has been the same steady return point.

if I wander off into the wilds of grievance, or the pettiness of resentments - forgiveness remains as an anchor, an option of peace that never waivers. This is my off the cushion meditation, a daily affairs practice that extends mindfulness to all aspects of my life. It doesn't matter if or how far I might wander, forgiveness remains fixed in center, a steady assurance. 

my return point.

no matter where I roam.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Willing to Receive

Also, please visit to buy: The Surrender Experiment

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Willing to receive: 

so perhaps the word for me now isn't surrender, although it's always been a poetic choice. But lately the  descriptive term that's been playing through my mind has been - receiving. That feels more right for me, where I've been edging up to in life, that I've reached a point of willingness in which I'm ready to receive instead of force my way through the world.

it's become a gentle approach.

trusting. 

I do not know what anything is for. (ACIM, W-25)

and that lesson truly sums it up.

my certainty has lessened.

I really don't know what anything is for and I've grown tired of forcing my way through life with a swagger that only thinly disguises my uncertainty. I'm ready to let go, gently so, each moment being an easy instant of receptivity for love to make itself known.

A healed mind does not plan. ²It carries out the plans that it receives through listening to wisdom that is not its own. ³It waits until it has been taught what should be done, and then proceeds to do it. (ACIM, W-135.11:1-3)

I guess right now I've reached a point where I can easily say I'm ready for my mind to be healed. I'm willing to receive a guidance that is beyond my own limited view. Yes, receiving feels right, and that means letting go of all my previous plans and allowing the Holy Spirit to show me something new...

³What would You have me do?
⁴Where would You have me go?
⁵What would You have me say, and to whom? (ACIM, W-71.9:3-5)

I'm willing to be shown.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit:Capacity For Words

Also, please visit to buy: The Surrender Experiment

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Capacity For Words

Capacity for words:

I'm always happy with just a few words on a page. They feel gifted, as if the quiet time that preceded them was the actual purpose of my writing. Of course this wasn't always the case, so many hours were once spent in tense anticipation of what I hoped would be meaningful words. Sometimes I was rewarded with a bit of beautiful prose, something meaningful - and just as often I left the page with a few hollow words to leave a marking of sorts. 

these mornings I just write with no clear idea of what's to come. There's no anticipation. No stress. Either there's a free flow of words or a quiet mind, and I'm absolutely happy when either occur. The truth is that writing is as much about the space between words, waiting patiently, being an empty vessel that's ready to receive whatever gift is given.

the truth is that I'm not really a writer.

I'm the capacity for words.

and that makes all the difference.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Return Point

Also, please visit to buy: It's Never Too Late to Begin Again

Thank you.