Here I Am

Here I am:

I love how after decades with A Course in Miracles that a phrase will still find me completely new and offer another way of seeing things. Lately it's been a few phrases from the Urtext, the original edited version of the Course that seem to seek me out exactly when I need to read them. 

Here I am, Lord.

those words were given to Bill Thetford as a grounding meditation, helping to gather a wandering mind and returning it back to center. They're not really a mantra, but more of an announcement of presence, a resetting to our original availability to God. 

it's no accident that these words have found me now.

there's been many nights when the darkness has felt been more than the absence of an external light. I've wandered to some fearful places lately, alone in the wilderness of a struggling mind. And yet this short prayer reminds me that, indeed, here I am, still available to receive God's presence exactly in the midst of these wild and fearful places. They're not offered as a way out, an escape route not yet at least. For me they're a beacon symbol - I don't make my way to God.

He finds me here.

right where I am now.

always.

this is a prayer of my availability, not God's. 

and once I remind myself of that....

I'm home.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Not Alone

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.

Addressing the Cause, Finally

Addressing the cause, finally:

the official diagnosis is a jaw disorder, TMJ, with some underlying issues yet to be determined but more specialist will examine and give their input soon. The initial treatment is more meditation, most of which I don't think I'll use do to a host of undesired side effects - also botox, which in a few days could offer some profound relief. Ultimately there's structural damage to my jaw that's affecting my neck and throat which triggers severe anxiety and disrupted sleep. There could be other issues at play as well and, hopefully, further test will show and treatment offered. 

however, this isn't really a health update. 

I appreciate the Dr.s I've seen, not just their professionalism and skill, but their compassion as well. Much medicine has been prescribed and even more suggested. They want me to feel better, and, obviously, that's my goal too. What strikes is that every symptom has been addressed but we haven't quite touched upon the cause and how addressing that we eventually be the only real solution.

a complete life example in brief.

so I won't get into metaphysics here, no explanation of single cause and seeming infinite effects. Life draws its own metaphors in detail. I'm living with effects, rearranging them, hopeful for relief. The cause, at least for now, is largely unaddressed. 

unhealed. 

eventually, every avenue of relief pursued and found temporary - the actually cause will become the main concern. Finally. It's a process I guess, and at 61, I'm mostly tired of these long pursuits. TMJ, the structural damage, underlying throat and neck distress, anxiety - their all effects. My financial concerns, a sense of loneliness, and low grade depression. Effects. 

I'm ready for God.

love.

 

connection.

truly so.

and through forgiveness...the only cause for every effect -

has finally been addressed.

~

I love you.

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Not Alone

Also, please visit to buy: The Mystic Jesus

Thank you.

Not Alone

Not Alone: 

If you knew Who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible. (ACIM, T-18.III.3:2)

mostly, I haven't known, or at least it seems I've forgotten for a very long time. But I'm starting to remember, finally, the fainsest stir of recall has begun to ease my heart. I'm not alone. This was actually a realization many years ago, with the A Course in Miracles still being therorical in so many ways. Yes, many great changes happened through my practice, the mind training focus is very powerful indeed. But the intimacy of this figure who walked beside me was still missing from my life. 

the last several years, age, loss, loneliness, these have all broken me open to an intimacy of presence that continuously astounds me. Most recently an extended stay of pain and anxiety have often brought me to my knees in despair, prayfel, desperate for comfort. 

and that first glimmer of intimacy has grown.

expanded past a memory.

an answered prayer.

A Course in Miracles isn't really a self-study program. It never was. Because all along there's been a steady presence that whispered guidance to heart and ear. The Course has taught me how to listen, opening me to an of true intimacy that has grown into the softest voice of continuous love. I'm not alone - and I know Who walks beside me now, easing my fear, easing my fear. 

I'm not alone.

none of us are.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit:Each Encounter

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Each Encounter

When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. (ACIM, T-8.III.4:1)

indeed, and such a sacred way to navigate through life. There's no no need to retreat to a mountaintop or retire to monastery - our awakening is here, right in the messiness of the world, and most often standing right in front of us. A Course in Miracles reminds in the Manual for Teachers that there are no chance encounters, no accidents in salvation, and that every situation is an opportunity to bear witness to the reality of the Christ within. 

and the briefest moment will be enough.

my prayer for this morning:

may I recognize you today, my holiest of teachers, in whatever form that might be offered...and see through the thin display of our initial encounter. There is something deeper being given, an opportunity arranged for this very moment to be at hand. 

may we recognize each other.

finally.

smiling at who we truly are,

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Familiar

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Familiar

Familiar: 

this was to be my year with God, trusting in a deeper way than ever before - and it seems life immediately put this commitment to the test. Please note that I didn't say God tested my faith. There's no requirement that my trust be displayed through hardships. 

yet it can certainly feel that way.

for me it was financial hardship and health concerns, along with changing relationships. I took a creative and spiritual leap this year with my sole source of income being a small YouTube channel that's devoted to demonstrating A Course in Miracles in various and meaningful ways. It's different from many Course channels in that any teaching that takes place is more through presence than actually talking about it. I don't wish to lecture, but communicate and offer a display of kindness as often as able. 

yes, it's a strange way to earn a livelihood.

difficult right now.

but I'm fully committed.

health and relationships have shifted as well. These once reliable pillars of strength have caused me a great deal of stress this year. It's as if I'm being asked to no longer depend upon the familiar and to now step upon new ground, sacred, yet still a mystery. 

I don't always know if I'm up for this. 

if I'm strong enough.

I don't know.

and yet my steps continue, most often joyfully so - 

yes, a mystery.

frightening at times.

but I now sense a presence by my side, steady, and even more familiar than anything I've ever held dear before. There's love here. I mean right here, now, intimate and truly mine. I'm not really asked to trust, or at least not in the way I previously believed I was supposed to -

I'm only asked to continue walking.

one step at a time.

and be willing to recognize this presence even more.

that's it.

and so my year goes on.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: They Always Do

Also, please visit to buy: Channeling Magdalene

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They Always Do

They always do: 

and so often it begins here, with just these first few words given to the page - there's been no real decision made on my own, but only a soft request to Holy Spirit for the right words to reach me this morning. They always do, never really a moment's doubt even through a lengthy pause. My writing feels like the first sacred act of the morning. It's immediately turned over to a higher source, leaving me feeling poised and trusting, ready to receive just the right words today. 

there's no rush.

words will arrive, they always do, and so patiently I sip my one cup of coffee for the day - a sacred act too in its way, part of the ritual. This isn't really waiting. It's a pause, a deep act of listening, belonging to the flow of words as much as the actual act of writing. What I'm doing is trusting, more of a prayer, being willing to show up each morning before the altar of an empty page and asking it be filled with only the words received by the highest source of love. 

it's the first real decision of the day.

one I no longer wish to make on my own.

and so I immediately hand it over,

asking Holy Spirit -

⁵What would You have me say, and to whom? (ACIM, W-71.9:5)

a sacred act.

the altar made ready.

and I write.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Forgiving Quietly

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

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Quietly Forgiving

Quietly forgiving: 

it's the joy of quietly forgiving, with little effort given anymore, but almost a continuous recognition of dreaming the world...and then gently letting go. There are long stretches of time where this is so, an actual length of my day when everything is forgiven. 

also,

not always.

sometimes I'm still lost to a grip of fear that plays out all kinds of scenarios. Most often the dream seems very real, a solid world and life filled with problems. And that's okay too, it no longer tests my faith to have these moments - I'm not looking for an escape route.

I'm just quietly forgiving.

everything.

no matter what appears.

and there's so much joy in this too.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more form Headless Now, please visit: Where The Healing Takes Place

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