A Dream of Hill and Boulder

A dream of hill and boulder: 

it seems as if I'm unraveling, layers shown through forgiveness and then finally let go - and then, of course, another one revealed. This is endless work, or at least it's been so for me. But it's also quite joyous at times, finally arriving to a layer of hurt that's long been calling for my attention, bringing a tenderness to bear that just wouldn't have been possible a short time ago. 

it's healing work.

and it's also quite frightening at times. 

right now there's a layer of trust that's been slow to heal, worries that keep reappearing in multiple forms, yet always concern issues of finance, aging, and staying purposeful to the Holy Spirit's plan. I'm asked to trust at the deepest level yet, and my great fear is that I'm simply not up for the task at hand. These last few years it's often felt like I've been stripped all the way past the bone, almost down to the last layer that can be possibly healed - and then another layer makes itself known. It's turned into a sisyphean task, seemingly endless, but gaining value as I continue to heal. And yet, even as I write this now I'm being given some very specific words...

there's no boulder to push, nor steep hill to be repeatedly climbed - in fact there's no task to be performed at all. It's a dream of fear. One I still believe in deeply at times, but none the less a dream. And the only thing I'm very gently being asked to do...is to wake up. 

that's it. 

just let the dream of hills and boulders go.

dawn is already here.

~

I love you, Eric

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Lessons

Lessons:

it's not a course in bypassing, we're not asked to bury or shove our suffering aside, denial isn't part of any divine plan. In my own case, I'm certainly not completely healed from a host of issues that have plagued me through life - and yet, there's a deepening peace when any issues does come to surface, a tenderness that's present, and I find myself acting as a caregiver in a truly loving way. A Course in Miracles, and more so, the developing relationship with my internal healer, has allowed me to be an open and caring presence to all that arises, unhealed, unresloved, and calls for my attention.  

so for me,

it's been a course in healing.

forgiving.

and to bypass anything would be to miss a lesson.

All things are lessons God would have me learn.

(ACIM, W-193)

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Conversation

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Conversation

Conversation: 

it's a deepening dialog, my every word given to silence and answered with the soft reply of presence - and more so than ever now my wish is to keep this conversation ongoing, relying solely on the Holy Spirit's guidance to see me through my day. This isn't just about those troubling times when it seems like there's no choice but to surrender, no, I want my every daily choice to be based on love. And of course this is what I need the most help with. Those times of distress make it easy to surrender, I recognize my great mess and immediately see the need for some divine comfort and guidance. It's the little things though that eventually get me in the most trouble, small decisions quickly made by ego that add to larger troubles later. So my practice now is having a consistent dialog with the Holy Spirit, more so in silence that actual words, setting the intention right at the instant of waking up that my entire day will be handed over to this loving presence. My first decision of the morning is that I will do my very best to make no more decisions on my own...

²Today I will make no decisions by myself. (ACIM, T-30.I.2:2 

and the conversation begins to deepen from here.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: A Contemplative Life

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A Contemplative Life

A contemplative life: 

it's already a contemplative life, an opportunity for continuous meditation through my every interaction - forgiveness isn't an act of pardoning, it's zen, mindfulness at its deepest practice. There was a time when I considered monastic living, quieting my life to such a degree that I couldn't help but know myself as one with God. Of course that wasn't necessary, and in fact, would have kept me far removed from what really needed to be done. Lesson 122 of A Course in Miracles was my reintroduction to the world, reminding me that forgiveness truly offers everything I want and it's everyday life that offers me it's full value. Here's my practice, just a few steps away from my meditation cushion and life rushes at me, full of tiny mad ideas that try and prove how I've somehow separated myself from God - and yet every idea now serves as a reminder to simply look deeper, past the surface of my daily affairs, and find the light that exists just beneath the world's appearance. 

the light is always there, easier to find than ever.

it's a contemplative life.

and I'm finding God everywhere.

thank you.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Smallest Act 

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Smallest Act of Kindness

knowing that all expressions of love are maximal, this is the only guidance I really needed - and how even the smallest act of kindness carries the entirety of God's presence. That one sentence has changed the trajectory of my life, ending a long search for any sort of enlightenment, and leaving me thick in every present moment that calls for love. The only awakening that matters is when kindness dawns as softest light, a simple act of courtesy in which I attempt to see everyone as they truly are. Those are the moments that matter most, each one adding to a lifetime devoted to our mutual awakening.

All expressions of love are maximal. (ACIM, T-1.I.1:4)

even our smallest act of kindness.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Layers

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Layers

Layers: 

there's layers, every unhealed encounter still exists within us, hidden, yet acted out in various ways that leaves us baffled by our response. These are called samskaras in yogic psychology, subtle mental impressions that continue to bind us to a karmic pattern of reactions that most often seem far beyond their cause. What's happening is that the original unhealed wound is dictating our present response, we automatically click onto a past script that suddenly demands our attention. 

we're asking to be healed.

heared.

seen.

and of course we can't explain this, it's beyond the scope of our understanding. We just know that we hurt and we're left surprised at the depth of pain that even the slightest wound can sometimes trigger. This is why we need forgiveness, having a deep practice of offering light to those cast off shadows that still haunt us. We don't need to explore every darkened corner of our minds, but to just recognize that the past is still playing through the present moment, triggering us, causing us to still suffer their effects right now. What we need is a somatic healing, easing those emotional imprints to a finer degree. Meditation alone isn't enough, nor is self-inquiry, although both serve to calm us, allowing the depth work of forgiveness to begin. And that's all it is, really, a simple plan of awareness, acknowledgement, and then the softest healing light sent in that direction. 

God is the Love in which I forgive. (ACIM, W-46)

visual that love through the symbol of light, bathe in it, expand it to the point that it encompasses every shadow of the past and illuminates their present absence. Smile. We're healing. Forgiving. We're erasing karmic patterns that have long haunted our every moment. But now we're free, It really is that simple, but not without effort. These are deep patterns, even the slightest ones remain active until fully healed. So just repeat the process - we literally have all the time in the world for just this purpose. 

it's why we're here.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Sometimes

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Sometimes

Sometimes: 

sometimes only a few words arrive, a small blessing of inspiration given- being just enough for writer and page to be fulfilled. Sometimes I ask the Holy Spirit what should I write about this morning, and I sense a smile that hints of a deeper silence to follow, as if too many words would only spoil our true communication...

but he knows of my insistence as a writer 

and provides a small favor. 

like now.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: An Intervening God

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