Tonight I'll Pray

Tonight I'll prayer:

so perhaps my only real writing talent is sincerity, offering a heartfelt expression from wherever I might find myself in life. Right now it's just after 12:00 and I'm straight from bed with a tight jaw, throat spasms, and anxiety. I don't know which one is the original cause and it doesn't seem to matter. I'm suffering. Quite a bit actually. Last night I slept. Tonight it's doubtful. Eventually I will probably go the emergency room, get a little help, and see what they can offer me in terms of feeling better. 

but not tonight. 

tonight I sit with the suffering, coming to term with its presence.

maybe even accepting it. 

we'll see.

tonight I'll pray.

⁶Sickness is a defense against the truth. ⁷I will accept the truth of what I am, and let my mind be wholly healed today. (ACIM, W-136.15:6-7)

Amen.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Clarity

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

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Clarity

Clarity:  

well, perhaps here's the answered prayer, or at least part of it. Brought to my knees in a plea to be shown the purpose of a devastating round of sleeplessness, anxiety, and physical discomfort. so many people reached in an extended presence that can only be shown as love. My prayer was for understanding and with this I had hoped to have my suffering repurposed for a deeper meaning. But the meaning was always evident, missed through a fog discomfort, yet present to be known.

forgive,

everything.

whatever appears and seems to block love's presence is here to be forgiven, and the more extreme and personal it feels is the life-long blocks brought to surface and are now ready to be healed. I am thankful to have seen this. Grateful throughout this ongoing lesson. So much love rushed towards me that the evidence was clear - we are here to love and be loved.

indeed,

we are love.

and nothing else is real.

forgiveness is the means of seeing this. 

it brings clarity.

so even through my healing journey seems far from over -

 it's meaning is clear.

so is my purpose

thank you.

I love you.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: My Deepest Plea

Also, please visit to buy; The Final Prison Break

Thank you..

My Deepest Plea

My deepest plea: 

zero sleep, little potential of upcoming sleep, and if I gathered all  the hours of the last two weeks that I've actually rested it wouldn't amount to much more than a single night. This is my breaking point, not physically, nor emotionally either. But this last round of sleeplessness and anxiety has left me raw and vulnerable as nothing else ever has before. I'm broken open spiritually and this mean I've little to actually hold on to now, brought to my knees in a prayerful pose and ready to give my deepest plea: 

Holy Spirit please show what this is for. 

what is the purpose.

and may it teach me to heal and be healed.

amen.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Life's a Verb 

Also, please visit to buy: The Final Prison Break

Life's a Verb

Life's a verb:

I never decide alone. My every decision is made through ego or the Holy Spirit and at this point in my life it's easier to tell which one I've chosen. The last year and a half or so was the beginning point where I declared my absolute trust in a higher guidance. And of course from there it seemed my life began to crumble away in vital chucks that sustained me. There's no need for details, but suffice to say that my relationship to everything I held dear began to change. 

trust. 

things are still crumbling and changing. 

life's a verb after all.

but there is an underlying trust here, a guidance of love that holds me steady in my decisions, and an ever present grace that reminds me of a deeper presence. I don't know what anything is for and so I ask the Holy Spirit to show me. I trust. 

and my life proceeds from here.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: As Often As I'm Able

Also, please visit to buy: The Way Of Grace

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As Often as I'm Able

As often as I'm able: 

there's a depth to my forgiveness practice now, both deeper and more subtle than ever before. It seems everyday I'm give a bit more clarity, seeing how far I am to take this - my entire perception of the world needs to be continuously forgiven. I made this, projected a guilt stream that keeps us stuck within an illusion. And so it's my responsibility to heal it as well. 

one forgiven thought at a time.

so it's not about forgiving others or certain situations, not really, and this is where it gets subtle - I'm taking radical responsibility for the outer picture of the world, forgiving the inward condition of its cause. I'm healing the fractured mind that traps us all in a place of suffering. This isn't a grim battle of good vs. evil, and it's not a confrontation with my every thought.. It's a very gentle mindfulness practice, recognizing that the external world is simply the effect of my thoughts and therefore must be forgiven in a most sincere and loving manner. 

I choose love.

as often as I'm able.

refusing to punish my forgetfulness.

and yours as well.

until everything's forgiven.

and I have all the time in the world at my disposal.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: This

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.

This

This:

the truth is...I don't know. I'm often asked of the horrendous stuff and if even that must be forgiven, the rape, murder, genocide, eventually arriving to questioning my own limits on forgiveness and what I might exclude from my practice. I've certainly had a blessed life in many regards, but also battled the demons of addiction, and low-self worth. Like many I've been bullied, mocked, and stripped of esteem by classmates, peers, and even trusted authority figures. Life has happened. Good stuff and bad. Is there anything left unforgiven? Yes, I'm sure there are things buried so deeply I've yet to bring to light. When, if, they arrive, I will do my best to forgive them. Eventually every shadow must dissolve to the reach of light.

as for the even bigger stuff?

again, I don't know.

and fortunately I don't have to add them to my list of worries. The Holy Spirit only asks that I be willing to forgive whatever's been placed directly before me...this, forgive this...is all I have to do right now. I like to think that as my practice of forgiveness continues to grow, expanding and extending love in all directions that everything will be included, whatever arises or arrives to me. But the truth is, I just don't know. What I do know, with certainty, is that this, my anxiety, dreaded nights of deep despair and moments left struggling for breath - that's what's place before me right now. 

and that's what I'm forgiving. 

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Crossing That Bridge

Also, please visit to buy: A Course in Miracles

Thank you

Crossing That Bridge

Crossing that bridge:

not yet a forgiven world - but my effort is sincere. This is where A Course in Miracles ask if we can imagine the beauty we'd see once everyone's forgiven. It's the real world. The Course pains an image of  a little bridge, inviting us, and requiring only a willingness to cross. Someday's I see across this bridge with such clarity, ready to step all the way over and embrace the beauty there. I'm so close. Yet sometimes too there seems to be a chasma before me, a stretch of distance that keeps me ever far away. The truth is that there really is no bridge. It's a beautiful metaphor. The only distance between here and the real world is my willingness to forgive....and that's getting smaller everyday.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Not Measured

Also, please visit it browse: A Course in Miracles

Thank you.