Darkness and Light

Darkness and light:

there's just a few days of summer left, tomorrow the temperature drop to a stretch autumn weather, rainy and cool. Once there was a time when my mood would plummet with the warmth, growing even darker as sunlit days became shorter. This wasn't seasonal depression, it was low lying and ever present - but leading into the long stretch of winter would often make it worse. 

I choose the joy of God instead of pain. (ACIM, W-190)

the above isn't offered as a cure for depression, it's a means of navigating through darkness that wasn't available to me before. I try to be very careful with this, any discussion on mental health needs to be approached with infinite tenderness and care. I haven't and don't bypass depression. But I'm aware of my own shifting inner vocabulary. I see the first hint of darkness approaching and turn to God, not in despair and a request to hide me from the storm - 

it's much softer than that.

I turn to a friend.

so the dark days still find me, not quite as often as before it seems. And my plan is simple. I give each moment that I can't handle to God, a prayerful conversation through the Holy Spirit, and again I'm not asking for a cure - God doesn't recognize the dark thoughts I bring to Him. 

He offers only light.

and even though a storm might still be present....

I see it.

and it always leads me home.

~

I love you - all the way through the storm, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Coc-Create

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Co Create

Co-create: 

to co-create, what a beautiful idea, that I'm not asked to make or build anything on my own, but only to continuously extend myself as the love and light that God wishes me to share. Everything changes with this, ideas are whispered in my ear, and writing flows with an inspiration not of my own design. I think of all the energy I wasted over the years through my own hardest effort. 

yet God never asked me to do anything on my own.

I only had to be willing to let go of my own small ideas, and, of course, that took some time for me to realize. Even now there's a tendency to rush forward, eager, to make something that I can immediately claim as my own. But I feel ready to let that go, more relaxed, a co-creator with God.Something absolutely beautiful is on the horizon and drawing near. 

for all of us.

and our light draws it nearer still.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: If The Only Prayer

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If The Only Prayer

                                           If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”

― Meister Eckhart

I first saw the above quote when I was a young man, early 20's, depressed without really knowing it, right at the beginning of what would be a long and destructive decade of heavy drinking. There was a lot I had to be grateful for, I was cared for and loved, had a steady relationship, not a career, but a job that paid well and treated my employers treated me kindly. 

I did my best to throw all that away.

to destroy myself.

for some reason I latched onto to that Meister Eckhart quote. It became a morning prayer even though I mostly couldn't think of a single thing to be grateful for as I was generally hungover and depressed. In retrospect I should have been grateful to even still be alive on many of those mornings. My behavior certainly didn't guarantee that waking it up, or even making it home would be a given.

but I said thank you every morning.

three times.

a mantra before mantra's became were even a thing for me.

some mornings were missed, probably quite often in those first few years. Yet the mantra of gratitude always found me and gradually began to exert some influence. I found some reasons to be grateful, on some mornings at least, and more so - I began to search my mind to sometimes find a single thing to latch on to and claim with gratitude. 

thank you, thank you, thank you.

my life started to change.

slowly.

and not without resistance.

but it did.

miraculously.

almost halfway through that destructive decade I began to meditate, practicing yoga, and A Course in Miracles entered my life. I was on the path to sobriety and didn't even know it. My life did change in so many subtle yet meaningful ways. Yet drinking, closing down the bars, self-destructive and harmful behavior continued for several more years. I refused to let that identity go. But one quietly dramatic event changed everything. I was pulled over for drinking and driving, and the words that came unbidden to my mind with first glimpse of those flashing lights were...

thank you. 

it was over.

finally.

when the office motioned for me to roll my windows down, and I asked me if I had been drinking, there was only complete honesty and gratitude present. I told him yes,but that I was never going to drink again. He later told me, after processing and a few hours in a holding cell, that he believed me and offered hope that I truly believed it as well. I did, and that was 27 years ago. Drinking left my life in an instant. Grace. I don't know why. Just grace. 

and it started with a single thank you.

Love is the way I walk in gratitude. (ACIM, W-195)

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit:Truly Humble

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To Feel Truly Humble

To feel truly humble: 

more so than I ever I feel humble, not by a false sense of insecurities and unworthiness - but filled with the wonder and awe of being exactly as God created me. A Course in Miracles reminds me to be humble before God and yet to recognize my greatness within Him. On my own I accomplish nothing, making a world of idols that always crumble even through my strongest effort to sustain them. In past humbleness I might have that I tried my best and simply failed. Again. 

Let us today be truly humble, and accept what we have made as what it is. ²The power of decision is our own. ³Decide but to accept your rightful place as co-creator of the universe, and all you think you made will disappear. ⁴What rises to awareness then will be all that there ever was, eternally as it is now (ACIM, W-152.8:1-4)

today is different, after a long arrival I feel this true humbless, a readiness to now co-creator something extraordinarily beautiful as a testament to God's love. Not a building, no institution, nor anything organized - just a quiet place of conversation, acceptance, and an appeal to better angels that call for true forgiveness. 

I'm ready to co-create a life of service.

whatever I'm asked to do.

wherever it takes me.

whomever I'm asked to talk with.

The truly humble have no goal but God because they need no idols, (ACIM, S-1.V.2:3)

and that's my prayer.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit; Thank You

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Thank you

Thank you

Thank you: 

I just want to say thank you, all the time now, and not just for those moments of grace when a gift is received - but deeply so, with every moment an opportunity to be grateful. 

The presence of fear is a sure sign that you are trusting in your own strength (ACIM, W-48.3:1)

my strength seems just about finished. 

finally.

and with that I am learning the fine art of trust and surrender. I'm occasionally stepping near that last rung of the ladder pf prayer with a request to simply be here, present, and available to be an  instrument of true forgiveness. God's will, not my own is an oft repeated mantra. Of course fear is still part of my life, even daily, financial concerns and some lingering concerns on health. I haven't escaped those issues. But they're being repurposed, seen an an opportunity for forgiveness and to seek the grace of the Holy Spirit rather than the false strength of ego. 

when I let go of my limited strength...

grace appeared.

so many people have recently demonstrated their own role in grace. Friends, known and anonymous have leaned towards me with a whisper of love and care. All I really needed to do was be receptive. To reach a limit as to how much I would continue doing seemingly alone, approaching the Holy Spirit with empty hands, humble, and softly prayer....I'm ready.

and grace responded.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

my grace-filled friends.

I love you.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now please visit: The Weight of Certainty

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The Weight of Certainty

The Weight of Certainty: 

I do not know what anything is for. (ACIM, W-25)

in many ways my life revolves around this single lesson, an entire practice within its conclusion. The ego certainly believes that it has a firm understanding on what everything is for and why anything is happening. It has assigned a purpose to every person and event as they appear and seldom waivers from its first conviction unless it sees a profit in the change. 

Everything is for your own best interests. ⁶That is what it is for; that is its purpose; that is what it means. (ACIM, W-25.1:5-6)

 and those words are when everything changes. With just a little willingness to open to this possibility I'm brought to a humbleness that surrounds me with divine mystery as well as a loving guide that walk me through those dark clouds of certainty towards a light of true understanding.

It is crucial to your learning to be willing to give up the goals you have established for everything. (ACIM, W-25.5:1)

so once more I'm humbled. 

the Holy Spirit shines a light on even my slightest conviction that I know what something is for and very gently asks me to reconsider. When I do so I feel immediately lighter. Certainty is a heavy load to carry and even a brief pause to to set down it's weight brings a great relief. Most importantly the Holy Spirit and A Course in miracles ask if I truly want to continue carrying that load. 

lesson 25 reminds me that I don't have to.

I can walk in mystery.

certain,

of only God.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Do Not Reconsider

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Do Not Reconser

Do not reconsider: 

it's my lifetime book, a continuous study, and at this point not even to learn, but to be guided to just the right passage that I need to read right now. I have read A Course in Miracles countless times, straight through from cover to cover on a yearly basis, as well as browsing years where I simply allow the words to settle me in quiet contemplation. The Course never fails to shift my perspective on any matter of importance, always gently returning to the basics.

In everything be led by Him, and do not reconsider. (ACIM, T-14.III.17:4)

those words above floated to me completely unexpected. They were originally offered to someone in a group Course discussion, but I knew they were directly given to me. 

they're my directive.

much of this year has been focused on the aspect of trust. My meditations have shifted to bring this in to greater focus, my only prayers have been ones of surrender to God's will. And yet, I have, at times, found myself reconsidering, allowing a slight edge of doubt to creep and question my commitment. God's trust is complete, meaning both ways here - as there is never a doubt in God's mind. 

Ideas of the spirit do not leave the mind that thinks them, nor can they conflict with each other. (ACIM, T-5.IV.3:5)

so really, all I needed was a reminder.

not to erase doubt.

but to remember where I truly am...

already in the mind of God.

home.

right now.

and there's nothing to reconsider. 

~

I love you, Eric

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