Give Gladly

Give gladly: 

and still, after decades into studying A Course in Miracles, a certain phrase or a few words can stun me with what I can only call a holy force, my mind stopped dead in it's tracks and a quiet comfort always follows. This time it was only two words:

Give gladly. (ACIM, W-187.5:1)

these words seem like a message to me now. 

instructions.

and I know I must have read them dozens of times before. 

yet now the feel like an answer to a thousand unasked question. They feel like a landmark solution to every unrecognizable problem that besieges me. Just give gladly, be a storehouse of loving-kindness, and allow the giving to replenish itself in an endless supply of love. My life is a place of miracles, yours too, and giving love is the perfect demonstration that it's true. 

so let's give our love gladly,

and then together....

we receive.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: To Be Healed 

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To Be Healed

To be healed: 

here's my recurring reply - "to be healed". That's the refrain that plays through my mind as those late night thoughts arise and seek to keep me sleepless, anxious, and feeling alone. Just yesterday I had a wonderful conversation with a brand new friend who framed this so meaningful for me:

these are the blocks to the awareness of love's presence. 

and they're here to be forgiven.

it's just a beautiful reminder as to why forgiveness is such a consistent practice. There might be lifetimes behind us with deep emotional imprints that carry through, unhealed, and beckon to us now. I don't really know, and honestly, even this lifetime carries enough sorrow to haunt me. So regardless of origin, each wave of anxiety is here to be healed. They have one purpose, brought to my awareness in whatever form that had to be taken - and my only role is to be a gracious host and greet them all with love. This is a true welcome, not feigning affection, but simply being grateful for their service in my healing. I do this even through repetition, no longer interested in counting, if it's here, present, then it's to be forgiven. 

and so my night passes.

until everything is healed...for now at least.

forgiveness is a continuous practice.

for as long as it's needed.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: To Be Healed

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Here I Am

Here I am: 

on my own, last bit of medication taken the night before and no more left to face the sleepless hours ahead. And so I turned to prayer, ritualistically at first, a repetition of familiar words to ease me back from the edge of panic - soon though, as with every prayer, a silent communication was revealed.  I'm a fan of brevity, only a few words needed, even with prayer. 

maybe especially with prayer.

Here I am, Lord.

as my litany of prayer fell aside those four words from the original edition of A Course in Miracles emerged as a soft whisper to the night. Indeed, I was present, aware, and willing to trust that I would be brought through whatever the dark hours ahead night hold for me. As it turns out it was - sleep, rest, and lots of dreams that revealed the presence of loved ones gathered around me.

again, it was prayer that brought me back from the edge, keeping anxiety from gaining any traction in a worried mind. But it's what followed those four words that sustained me - a complete surrender to simply being present to each moment as it arrived. 

and here's the miracle:

time, no matter what fraction of a slice of a moment we break it down to, never does arrive. Not really. It's always and only the holiest of an instant right now. 

Here I am, Lord....

feeling broken, 

on that familiar edge of discomfort and anxiety.

surrendering to this Holy Instant

and that brought me through the night.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: A Fresh Look

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A Fresh Look

A fresh look: 

last year one of the long time teachers of A Course in Miracles offered me a fresh look at lesson 25 - feeling more like an initiation really, as if a hidden sacredness was revealed that I had missed through the previous decades of my own practice.

 I received a mantra.

I do not know what anything is for. (ACIM, W-25)

perhaps in Zen this would be a continuous return to the beginner's mind, allowing the world to be renewed in its original innocence each moment. So I come back to this lesson more than any other, lessening my ego's grip on certainty and reminding myself to rely only on the Holy Spirit's interpretation of my life events and situations - especially while they're actually occurring. 

with this....I'm shown what everything is truly for.

and the world is then forgiven.

or at least a little quicker than before.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Serenity, Grace, Recovery

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Serenity, Grace, and Recovery

Serenity, grace, and recovery: 

after a decade plus streak of daily drinking, all to the point oblivion and beyond, alcohol left my in a single moment of grace. I recognized it instantly and knew that I was done. It was clear to me that I was out pacing my luck and soon there would a very steep price for my careless behavior. I am forever grateful for the off duty State Trooper who didn't miss the slightest swerve and changed my life in a literal flash of light. That was at least 27 years ago and there's never been an urge to drink since. 

grace.

alcohol left my life, completely so, and after a few meetings I knew this for certain. My detox was a deepening meditation practice and a committed by struggling daily lesson from A Course in Miracles. Those were also the seeds that I had been planting for several years before sobriety found me. Again, grace indeed - for I have little doubt that I would be here without them.

support groups are a much needed support tool for those struggling, as well as a beautiful way to give back and provide service to all who are struggling now. I was fortunate to have my practice and a host of books to guide me through the early part of my journey. They're not a replacement, but they were exactly what I needed at the time. After 10 long years in crowded bars it seemed that every fiber of my being craved solitude and quiet contemplation.  

over the past few days the famous beginning lines of the Serenity Prayer have been praying through my mind, emerging as a theme in many conversations. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

but what's been taking shape for me is a slight twist to the words, whispers of the Holy Spirit filtered through my mind. This, of course, is my own personal version. It's not meant to be a replacement of any sort, nor is it offered in contrast or comparison. Much like my sobriety, it was received with grace and I offer it here with that same gift in mind.

Holy Spirit, grant me the serenity

To accept the changeless Truth of what I am,

The courage to change the only thing I can—my mind,

And the vision to know the difference between truth and illusion.

these words took shape through an extended dialog with Ai. a self inquiry really, my own words drifting back to me in this arranged form. I feel like they were gifted to me and now I place them here, my morning alter of writing. 

may they be truly helpful.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Breathing Under Water

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Thank you. 

Holy Spirit, grant me the serenity To accept the changeless Truth of what I am, The courage to change the only thing I can—my mind, And the vision to know the difference between truth and illusion.

Holy Spirit, grant me the serenity To accept the changeless Truth of what I am, The courage to change the only thing I can—my mind, And the vision to know the difference between truth and illusion.

Holy Spirit, grant me the serenity To accept the changeless Truth of what I am, The courage to change the only thing I can—my mind, And the vision to know the difference between truth and illusion.

Just a Few Words

Just a few words: 

I love these quiet mornings with nothing to write about, no ideas swirling in my head with a rush to reach the page There are long pauses at the keyboards, fingers resting and content along the keys, unhurried and without pursuit. My prayers aren't for inspiration on these mornings, but for something softer, a communion of sorts where silence and brevity make their point known.

nothing need be done.

just a few words find me.

and the soft silence of the morning returns.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Turning To a Friend

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Turning to a Friend

Turning to a friend: 

at some point, not remembering exactly when, my conversations with Jesus ceased. It wasn't from anger, but more from casual neglect that grew over the course of time to the point of an impossibility - I simply couldn't recall that such a dialog ever took place. Anger followed later in life, a one sided prayer in which I offered my litany of complaints to a a ghostly figured I didn't even believe in. I'd love to say that A Course in Miracles changed that, and it did, but not for many years. There might be a claim that Jesus was the true author of the Course, yet that did mean I had to take that at face value in order to benefit from the teachings. For years I simply gave it no thought - Jesus just wasn't my guy. 

I did, however, take guidance from the Holy Spirit.

somewhere during my long years with the Course I began remembering that Jesus used to talk with me, an actual conversation of soft voice and comfort. And that, most importantly, it had always continued through the years in so many hidden forms for my own convenience. Jesus is the voice and symbol of Christ that can't really be neglected because he appears as just the right figure for our understanding. My only true neglect was remembering the origin of every loving voice I ever heard before. 

but I remember now.

and our conversations, two-sided, and still often with my fair share of complaints - continue onwards now with a renewed sense of purpose and a greater commitment to live his answers. 

I'm listening.

asking questions, seeking guidance, and really...

just turning to a friend.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Light Post

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