A Voice

A voice: 

yesterday with guest on my YouTube channel Allan Ishac, I related a childhood incident in which I heard a voice in the middle of the night inviting me downstairs for a conversation. This wasn't entirely unusual as I used to hear "murmur' of voices that seemed to bleed through from a place that physically wasn't here - from where though I have no idea. My parents tried to reassure me that it was just workers leaving or arriving home from a late shift. Maybe, but those voices seemed more of a chant, low, and with some level of meaning that I couldn't understand. So when I heard a clear voice calling to me, by name, to have a late night conversation, it wasn't surprising in retrospect - yet it frightened me nonetheless. I quickly ran to bed and pulled the covers over my head. There was one more voice incident after that, a few years later, and then my childhood settled down into ordinary years.

but I still wonder about that voice, who is was and what conversation we might have had. 

was it a missed opportunity?

or maybe just delayed?

I'm in my childhood home again now, having inherited the house after years of caregiving for both my parents. Allan found this quite revealing, seeing an opportunity for an invitation to a conversation delayed by years and childhood fears. My girlfriend too seems to think so, believing that there's something important, perhaps even vital to be told. 

so I will,

quietly,

just before bed I'll ask:

whatever that moment was, if there's something for me to understand from it now, I'm ready. Please show in a way that I can recognize and receive in peace. 

and then wait.

I'm not striving for a mystical experience, nor looking for a psychic event of any kind. I'm not deciding in advance what the message should be or how it might be delivered. I'm also okay with silence. I have the feeling that, perhaps, the message was for a frightened 6 year old boy, A boy who felt very alone in a big world that would soon consume in even scarier ways. Life has a way of drowning out those mystical voices, leaving each of us bereft to our original intimacy with the God-source. It's little wonder that I was frightened. Even at 6 years of age I was already beginning to leave the mystery and innocence of a magical world behind. 

but here's the thing,

that 6 year old boy isn't so far away, buried deeply, maybe, within the memories of a 61 year old man - but still present, innocent, and in ever greater need of reminders of a truly loving world that still often feels so far away. I have no idea what the message may be, if there even is one, but I'm willing to ask, to extend an invitation, and not pull the covers over my head. Not this time. Never again. 

I'm ready to listen.

~

I love you (whoever you are) Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Those Early Lessons

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Those early Lessons:

Early lessons:

over the past few weeks I've been practicing those early lessons of A Course in Miracles again. I'm not sure if this will be a whole year review or I'll take it further. Mostly I simply just allow myself to be guided through the Course now, with every few years being given to it's entirety. Yet every time I begin again I find myself amazed at how much mind stuff I've accumulated since my last visit. Lesson 24 is a great example:

I do not perceive my own best interests. (ACIM, W-24)

in reviewing this lesson this morning it quickly became apparent how many assumptions I've made over a vast array of challenges. Beliefs are subtle in their creep towards dominance as a thought system. They are the feeding system of the ego and require only slight attention to grow. Those early Course lessons strip my bare and start me over. They're essential. At least for now. But what I find, after decades of practice, is how willing I now am to let my perceived best interest go. There's a trust here that just what wasn't present before. I may not always perceive my own best interest....

but I know exactly who does,

and I'm willing to seek His guidance.

and that,

makes all the difference.

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Nothing

Also, please visit:Tao Te Ching

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Nothing

Nothing: 

with nothing really in mnd to write of, no deep metaphysical point to try and get across - just  watching steam rising from coffee mug as it invites my first sip, rain tapping hard against the roof. It's the first day of autumn. I have a Dr's appointment later today. Projects to work on. I've been up for over an hour, meditated, yoga, and now 4:00 am with nothing to write of. 

I love my mornings.

so blessed to ease into my day and come to an empty screen without a single important thought pressed against my brain, words rushing to meet the page. I write what's given and sink into the longest pause between each thought. Happy. Doing exactly what needs to be done...for just this morning. 

I need do nothing except not to interfere. (ACIM, T-16.I.3:12)

amen.

~

I love you, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Every Greater Doubt

Also, please visit: Tao Te Ching

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Every Greater Doubt

Ever greater doubt:

and I'm now living my life with ever greater doubt, and happily so - yet at the very same my faith and comfort in God is deeper than ever. This is a direction of doubt that brings discernment to all of the judgements I've made about the world. My core beliefs are finally being questioned and mostly seen through and discarded. 

what remains is reality.

and forgiveness.

. An unforgiving thought is one which makes a judgment that it will not raise to doubt, although it is not true. (ACIM, W-pII.1.2:1)

so it feels as if I'm cleansing my view of the world, questioning those previous judgements that kept false beliefs locked in place. I'm on my way to a completely forgiven world...

one doubt at a time,

with a lifetime ahead of me.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Darkness and Light

Also, please visit: The Tao Te Ching

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Darkness and Light

Darkness and light:

there's just a few days of summer left, tomorrow the temperature drop to a stretch autumn weather, rainy and cool. Once there was a time when my mood would plummet with the warmth, growing even darker as sunlit days became shorter. This wasn't seasonal depression, it was low lying and ever present - but leading into the long stretch of winter would often make it worse. 

I choose the joy of God instead of pain. (ACIM, W-190)

the above isn't offered as a cure for depression, it's a means of navigating through darkness that wasn't available to me before. I try to be very careful with this, any discussion on mental health needs to be approached with infinite tenderness and care. I haven't and don't bypass depression. But I'm aware of my own shifting inner vocabulary. I see the first hint of darkness approaching and turn to God, not in despair and a request to hide me from the storm - 

it's much softer than that.

I turn to a friend.

so the dark days still find me, not quite as often as before it seems. And my plan is simple. I give each moment that I can't handle to God, a prayerful conversation through the Holy Spirit, and again I'm not asking for a cure - God doesn't recognize the dark thoughts I bring to Him. 

He offers only light.

and even though a storm might still be present....

I see it.

and it always leads me home.

~

I love you - all the way through the storm, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Coc-Create

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Co Create

Co-create: 

to co-create, what a beautiful idea, that I'm not asked to make or build anything on my own, but only to continuously extend myself as the love and light that God wishes me to share. Everything changes with this, ideas are whispered in my ear, and writing flows with an inspiration not of my own design. I think of all the energy I wasted over the years through my own hardest effort. 

yet God never asked me to do anything on my own.

I only had to be willing to let go of my own small ideas, and, of course, that took some time for me to realize. Even now there's a tendency to rush forward, eager, to make something that I can immediately claim as my own. But I feel ready to let that go, more relaxed, a co-creator with God.Something absolutely beautiful is on the horizon and drawing near. 

for all of us.

and our light draws it nearer still.

~

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: If The Only Prayer

Also, please visit to browse: Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling

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If The Only Prayer

                                           If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”

― Meister Eckhart

I first saw the above quote when I was a young man, early 20's, depressed without really knowing it, right at the beginning of what would be a long and destructive decade of heavy drinking. There was a lot I had to be grateful for, I was cared for and loved, had a steady relationship, not a career, but a job that paid well and treated my employers treated me kindly. 

I did my best to throw all that away.

to destroy myself.

for some reason I latched onto to that Meister Eckhart quote. It became a morning prayer even though I mostly couldn't think of a single thing to be grateful for as I was generally hungover and depressed. In retrospect I should have been grateful to even still be alive on many of those mornings. My behavior certainly didn't guarantee that waking it up, or even making it home would be a given.

but I said thank you every morning.

three times.

a mantra before mantra's became were even a thing for me.

some mornings were missed, probably quite often in those first few years. Yet the mantra of gratitude always found me and gradually began to exert some influence. I found some reasons to be grateful, on some mornings at least, and more so - I began to search my mind to sometimes find a single thing to latch on to and claim with gratitude. 

thank you, thank you, thank you.

my life started to change.

slowly.

and not without resistance.

but it did.

miraculously.

almost halfway through that destructive decade I began to meditate, practicing yoga, and A Course in Miracles entered my life. I was on the path to sobriety and didn't even know it. My life did change in so many subtle yet meaningful ways. Yet drinking, closing down the bars, self-destructive and harmful behavior continued for several more years. I refused to let that identity go. But one quietly dramatic event changed everything. I was pulled over for drinking and driving, and the words that came unbidden to my mind with first glimpse of those flashing lights were...

thank you. 

it was over.

finally.

when the office motioned for me to roll my windows down, and I asked me if I had been drinking, there was only complete honesty and gratitude present. I told him yes,but that I was never going to drink again. He later told me, after processing and a few hours in a holding cell, that he believed me and offered hope that I truly believed it as well. I did, and that was 27 years ago. Drinking left my life in an instant. Grace. I don't know why. Just grace. 

and it started with a single thank you.

Love is the way I walk in gratitude. (ACIM, W-195)

I love you, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit:Truly Humble

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