A Current Found Aware

 

A current found aware:

To find myself let go, that I belong as motion in a swift world of constant change, and that each instant I am somewhat and somehow another version of the self I was just a moment now gone. This is the only rebirth that I know of, lasting less than a breath taken, a subtle becoming in the same time as a self that's left behind. To be let go is to find myself immersed in the reality of life, a current found aware of its place within the stream. 

This is not an act of surrender, nor a complete release of a self I hold dear - it's the realization that there is simply nothing here to let go of, that I am already surrendered in each and every moment, and remake myself only as an image that's imagined from before. My reality is motion. To surrender as this would as a river in belief that it belongs as a static hold to every stone and not the truth of its ever present caress. Life carries on as such. So already I'm let go. 

For me, this is seen as a promise of being, to be constant and swift as the world itself - I am never not becoming something, even as my last cherished self is left behind. To lose myself in belief that I am just as motionless as the riverbed stone, is to forget the reality that I am fully involved as life's caress. Even the stone is found changing, worn to a polished point of its own letting go, a realization that nothing stays forever. 

To find myself let go is to remember that I am a current without true riverbed, just motion that lends itself as form and still stays swift and sure. There is nothing to hold to, and already surrendered - life continues in its flow. 

Peace, Eric 

I Will Be Written

 I will be written:

it's not a reach for inspiration, nor the end result of petitions to some far off muse - I find myself inspired through a deep participation in life. This is opening to each moment in an honest manner, without demands for any expectations of a certain meaning, that what's to be expressed is always, always present. My role is patient listening, it's seeing without intent, more than anything it's just allowing myself to relax as the creative process itself. I will be written. 

this isn't something that comes to me, inspiration doesn't arrive in whispered words for my ears alone. It's present moment reality simply wishing to be told. It's already here, an inspired moment creating itself anew from the very instant left behind, life in continuous expression. Still, this obviousness is often easy to overlook, to find myself searching for a grand gesture and only miss the subtle story that even now unfolds. For me, to be written, means that I need to recognize myself as the story as well as the one who wishes to arrange these words. I am the expression, in process, inspired by this recognition. 

so I say I will be written too - that every word here is my own experience of being, that I am an aspect of life already inspired by virtue of being alive. There's nothing at all to reach for, this moment is enough for infinite stories to be told. 

this is only one. 

Peace, Eric 

Found To Be Seamless

 

Found to be Seamless:

so it's found to be seamless, life, at least in my own observation, and even my experience through each moment reveals no break from moments just before. It's just motion, and what seems to be stillness isn't separate from it all, it's not a different event giving pause before proceeding. This is how life happens, more of a shifting of attention and arrangement of the senses - things become in subtle and often sudden fashion, events occur that take me by surprise. It's a seamless allowing. 

in this sense I find myself without questions for so much that appears, my reactions to life are equal in their belonging as everything else. Nothing is denied by single virtue of its presence. This most certainly includes my own denial of it being so. I have no reaction nor opinion more spiritual than the next - I only have this present moment and its seamless hold of all that happens. 

and too, there is no denial of a self, that seeing the illusion of a solid, unchanging sense of being doesn't negate the seriousness of its concerns. Compassion too is seamless, and to find myself navigating a sometimes troubled world is no time to deny the existence of either. What appears is real if only for the time that it's believed in. For this I offer self-care, to others as well who come seamless to this believing. No one is seen as not belonging. My own self included. 

so it's a seamless world - and the gift this offers is acceptance, relaxing to events beyond control, responding to circumstances in the best sense available. In short, simply living, but now aware that it all belongs. Everything. 

~

Peace, Eric 

My Freedom

 My Freedom:

I am free, right now, naturally and without effort - at no point was this attained or earned as an achievement. It's what I am, what we are all, and this is simply because life itself is motion unattached to outcome, a flow of events that measure its success in anything other than its continuation. Of course I am given to thoughts that bind me to circumstance, to people, and to my own sense of who I am and where I belong in the world. But life continues without these cares, always a present moment of possibilities, and there is nowhere else I find myself then here, an aspect of life and not separate from its flow. 

That's my freedom, to be alive, and to somehow be aware of this motion, nothing that isn't always happening each moment on its own. I am gifted each instant with a seamless grace that presents me this unique position of being, that there is a fresh opportunity of life in new current, a never before, nor once again - now. My freedom is simply acceptance of the moment. 

To this - I bring attention to gratitude. All this is unearned, again it's a grace that finds me without search, and what I offer in return is my thankful participation. My example is writing, that these thoughts appear along with a keen desire to put them into form. There was no choice in this matter, I have no authority in what life offers in these moments. But I find myself here, immersed in listening to thoughts that only seem my own, grateful for the inspiration. So I write. My freedom is that this all continues, life goes on beyond this moment and carries me along. I'll find myself grateful for its next event, another opportunity to participate in something completely other than these words. I am free because I'm alive, motion, and aware. 

~

Peace, Eric 

A Promise of Grace

 

But there's a promise of grace:

nothing certain is promised, not that I have found, and this seems to be the underlying energy to seek a religion of permanence, to shore up the foundation of uncertainty that life is based upon. It's a false hope. But there is a promise of grace, and I choose this word purposely over peace, for even deep peace is a condition to be disturbed, having an opposite in a sense of chaos. Grace is the acceptance of all, each condition given the time of it's appearance, unconditional in its hold. It's a true foundation.

This isn't something to be earned or even freely given. It simply is. Life is the grace of motion, seamless and swift through constant change. It's only when I sit still for a bit, quiet, patient and without demand to see things a certain way, that I witness how subtle the world changes each moment, so often missed in my daily routine. Here, I even witness my own sense of peace disturbed in its calm, a slight sound of passing cars gives cause to my attention. There is a quick return to peaceful listening, almost instant after years of practiced sitting. Grace is that return. 

It's that life will always bring something that doesn't seem to belong, at least right now, not in this one moment where my deepest wish is calm. It's easy be peaceful when my faith is certain. But that's not life, it's the illusion of control, a hope to overcome the circumstance of present moments. Life is this, right now, and whatever's found. Grace is this acceptance. 

This isn't a practice, and there's no effort given - it's also not calmly abiding within life's storms. It's simply being alive, knowing that storms belong in their own way and time and that my participation, in someway at least, is required in life's action. I am part of the dynamics of it all. No matter what happens, whatever life delivers next, it always belongs and so does my reaction. I'm never certain of what that may be - yet there is always grace, no matter what's found. 

~

Peace, Eric 

My Inquiry Is

 

My inquiry is:

my inquiry is now is simply curiosity, not even posed as a question, but just an allowing of each moment to unfold on it's own, and my own watchful nature joined to see what happens. This is to be knowingly aware, without effort to make it anything other than itself, no mystical advancement of a higher power - it's being myself, relaxed, curious as to what life delivers next. 

to inquire is an investigation and I am less interested in questions of why something has happened, or how an object came to be. My inquiry is in seeing motion, of change from a moment that seems one thing to its subtle shift of a something other, a slight becoming of a new moment altogether. This is, for me, is to be aware of space as much as objects, of seeing how expansive life is, always allowing one more thing within its hold, it's symmetry of arrangement.  To this, I note my own belonging, of how I come to appear in both thought and body, seamless, one more object to be aware of, and this too seems to flow in a curious manner of it's own. Somehow, I just came to be - and life continued with my inclusion. 

of course this is only my observation of right now, an experience of allowing and seeing what appears, of how the moment changes, and if anything at all remains the same. No great truth is reveled and non was sought. It's really much simpler than told above - I am aware, and life is always changing in subtle and sometimes bold ways. I am part of all that happens in the scope of this awareness. For now, it's the ease of early morning to its middle part, sounds of the day becoming more apparent, and the need to bring this writing to a close. 

And there it is - life. 

~

Peace, Eric 

My Own Understanding

 

As for my own understanding:

my own understanding, seeing, hasn't freed from me from anything, at least not the things of life that have caused me to suffer. I am not enlightened. If anything, some wounds are felt more deeply, intimate in a sense of their belonging, with no rush to mask or send away. I sit with emotional pain as a friend would keep company to any loved who's in need, seeing myself as my own best comfort - if not free from an entangled life, than I am at least my own beloved. 

in this same understanding I hope to have more to offer others - to be able to hold each encounter in a spacious allowing that frees us both the from demands of any expectations. This too, includes my slights and failings. I offer wholeness, my complete imperfections without need of being healed. I ask nothing in return but my own sake of recognition, that in each moment we bring only what we're able, and that we're both fragile, in a wish to be truly heard. To see this to be in a dialog of tenderness, unspoken in all but our acceptance. 

Life, so it seems to me, doesn't offer freedom from itself - only motion, and my own belonging to the current of this moment. Seeing this, is to be free as life's expression, that right now is only how it could possibly be until the current brings to be another moment. My own understanding hasn't freed from anything - but has left me free within life's motion.

Peace, Eric