A Dream of Hill and Boulder

A dream of hill and boulder: 

it seems as if I'm unraveling, layers shown through forgiveness and then finally let go - and then, of course, another one revealed. This is endless work, or at least it's been so for me. But it's also quite joyous at times, finally arriving to a layer of hurt that's long been calling for my attention, bringing a tenderness to bear that just wouldn't have been possible a short time ago. 

it's healing work.

and it's also quite frightening at times. 

right now there's a layer of trust that's been slow to heal, worries that keep reappearing in multiple forms, yet always concern issues of finance, aging, and staying purposeful to the Holy Spirit's plan. I'm asked to trust at the deepest level yet, and my great fear is that I'm simply not up for the task at hand. These last few years it's often felt like I've been stripped all the way past the bone, almost down to the last layer that can be possibly healed - and then another layer makes itself known. It's turned into a sisyphean task, seemingly endless, but gaining value as I continue to heal. And yet, even as I write this now I'm being given some very specific words...

there's no boulder to push, nor steep hill to be repeatedly climbed - in fact there's no task to be performed at all. It's a dream of fear. One I still believe in deeply at times, but none the less a dream. And the only thing I'm very gently being asked to do...is to wake up. 

that's it. 

just let the dream of hills and boulders go.

dawn is already here.

~

I love you, Eric

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