Child's Pose

Child's pose: 

balasana, child's pose, truly an innocent, gentle asana, almost inconspicuous in its presence among so many more dramatic postures such as the beauty and balance of a headstand or the long grace of standing bow. Yet there's much here in this pose, a simplicity and compact economy that allows us to sink within its hold, unwinding long held tensions through the entire length of spine. This also makes it a very emotional posture, for me at least, and recently it somehow became triggering for mild anxiety in the initial moments of my sinking into the pose. This especially seemed to happen if I approached it too soon after any posture that elevated my heart rate, or my breathing being slightly unsettled - there would be a rush of heat, panic, that quickly urged me to abandon the asana until I could compose myself and face the posture with a greater sense of ease. 

it seemed the child's pose is not always so innocent for me. 

so my practice is to begin to sit with this, not to unpack it's origin or cause, but to ride the breath along the edge of this anxiety and see exactly where it might bring me. It's not my wish to induce panic, nor to attempt to understand it - I only want to sit with it for an increasing time, slowly befriending it with my breath, slighting taming it through attention, bringing a sense of love to this wild edge of panic. From here I simply let the posture take hold, allowing the original innocence of a child's pose to take hold, my own initial point of security before the world seemed to turn so threatening.

sometimes I'm successful, setting deeply within the posture, breath evening from the ragged edge of panic to a more soothing rate, slow, comforting. It becomes a true resting point for me. There are other times when I quickly abandon the pose, not being quite ready to ride the breath all the way through to healing. It's just too much for me, anxiety rushing all at once to greet me. So I work with what I have, each session different, not knowing what to expect, yet I'm prepared to accept whatever the posture offers, no matter the length of time that I might hold it.  

often, it's only for a breath. 

not very long at all. 

but it doesn't really matter, it's not a battleground, there's no rush to heal, nor to confront some hidden demon from my past that hides along the energy centers of the spine. My approach is enough, bringing me to exactly where I need to be. Every time. No further.

I meet the posture here.

always. 

and whatever it might hold for me. 

~

Peace, Eric