Extra moment of light: 

soon, the days will begin to grow longer again, barely noticeable at first, just an extra moment of light given to my winter. This always feels so important to me, symbolic, that even with the coldest days still ahead there is right now the first stir of spring, however slight, my days lengthening towards that deep shade of wooded green and the bright color of a flower's blossom, life renewed, warm, inviting. 

This used to bring me a sense of hope, lightening a depression that becomes darker with these shorter days, my frame of mind matched to the brief length of light. I could hold to the thought that each day was now a little longer, a bit more light given to heal, spring ever closer. Yet these days I have a new appreciation for winter, almost a love, even as it remains a struggle. In the midst of coldest days, through darkness of season as well as my spirit - I'm given an extra moment of light, a sliver, but it's enough to illuminate the presence of winter, that it belongs here, serving in a purpose of renewal. Winter isn't the end of the year, that's only an occasion marked by calendars and the mind. Season's themselves are timeless, a current of change, motion. My former mindset kept me trapped within a block of time, imprisoned by what felt to be the cruelness of a season, bitterly cold and brittle.   

something changed, shifted, perhaps that extra moment of light expanded within me. 

yes, winter still affects me, my depression deepens with the shorter, cold days - but there no longer seems to be the reliance of hope, yearning for a warmth and light that isn't present. Winter offers me something too, my own hibernation from wishing for things that are now so far away. This is the season of cold, often bitterly so, trees are barren, flowers withdrawn from their reach towards the sun. It's what I have right now, sometimes feeling barren as well, withdrawn, but it's all somehow perfectly accepted. This is my season, for now at least, and those extra moments of light remind me that everything is changing, that I am immersed within life's motion. The truth is that I don't need to change, there's no reason to force myself in any brighter position than where I am right now, it's winter...

but that extra moment of light will always find me. 

no matter what I am. 

~

Peace, Eric