Absence of A Blink

Absence of a blink: 

it seems I'm mostly recovered from my recent bout with Bell's Palsy, blurred vision in my left eye still remains, a little facial stiffness, mostly earlier in the morning and loosens through the day until I generally feel like normal. It all happened relatively quickly, first noticing an odd blinking of my right eye, independently of the left which wasn't moving at all, a complete absence of a blink, and within an hour or so I began to lose motion on the entire side of my face. Of course this is also signs of a stroke, so I eventually made my way to the emergency room for the diagnosis of Bell's Palsy. Just as swift and now it's almost gone, lasting little more than a month and with this last week only being  reminded of it through my slightly blurred vision. What strikes me as so odd is how little control I had in any of this, it wasn't a matter of fitness or general health, nothing to be done to prevent its arrival. In a matter of a few moments the left side of my face was paralyzed, and in just weeks it's almost gone. For some this is a longer lasting affliction and I am fortunate indeed that it has ended so quickly.

and this all gives me cause to reflect on more of my great fortune, being healthy and fit, able to do all the things I love with little concern of their effect. I have a house left to me by my father, paid for through years of my parents effort, and I live in a beautiful neighborhood in a city that I love. Fortunate indeed I would say. And all of this unearned, or mostly so, I do consider it a grace, even with the considerations I take for my health and fitness, being careful with my diet, daily exercise, and that my father wished me the comfort of a home due to the care I provided in his final years. 

but yes, I am fortunate by grace. 

yet I am also reminded at how quickly everything can go, with the absence of a blink and the use of the left side of my face is compromised. It just happened, no warning, without a reason as far as the medical opinion is concerned. Bell's Palsy arrived without warning, mild it seems, not lasting very long, but it's a reminder that nothing is truly controlled by my good fortune, none of my many gifts will be lasting, any of it can be taken on a whim. This isn't meant to be scary, although yes, it is frightening to consider all there is to lose - but really, for me, it's been a lesson to hold these gifts lightly, truly with a grip of love, which means an ability to let go even as their cherished. An absence of a blink, a little thing, that's what I noticed and through this a chain of health related events carried me to this moment. That's the thing with grace, it's mostly unnoticed until we're given a point of reflection, maybe something small, like an absence of a blink, or perhaps something greatly more tragic as the loss of health or someone loved. 

Bell's Palsy was a slight gift for me to notice, with the absence of a blink I again gave attention to the grace of my existence, how some things arrive in such an easy fashion, gifted, and that truly none of it is lasting and not meant to be held for very long. Most of this is beyond my control, most things are really, although I'll always make effort to preserve the gifts I'm given, I also know to hold them all lightly, taking none of my good fortune for granted. In the absence of a blink...everything could be gone -

and yet right now, I see all that I've been given. 

the fortune of grace, indeed. 

~

Peace, Eric