Return To Gratitude

and always I return to gratitude, a continuous practice of simply noticing all I have now even during, perhaps most especially during times of seeming loss and grief.  It's not a denial of the present moment of hurt, nor willfully forgetting any trace of pain. I return to gratitude as default mode, that I am grateful for the very breath that sustains me through these trying times, my heartbeat is a thankful prayer of my continuation, being able to grieve at all for what's been lost and having the strength to carry on. Again, it's only about what's noted, nothing forced, just a deep appreciation for all that's granted.

and indeed, the list is infinite.

it's a return to gratitude, or maybe better said a return to noticing life, of how I'm supported by an environment of conscious cooperation. I return only due to my forgetful nature, taking for granted the atmosphere for breath, a body that works wonders even as it ages, and that friends abound even through the loneliest times. Yes, sometimes these most vital things often fail to gain my notice, their light seemingly dimmed by my own view of darkness. 

but always I return.

this is why I call is a continuous practice, as life certainly contains its share of things to grieve for, people lost to death or relationships ending, health declines and the body ages. Life is quite often filled with pain and offers no escape from this reality. It's just how things are. Yet the paradox here is beauty, curiosity, and awe in contrast to all that's taken and lost, existing at once and seamlessly together through the endlessness of life's expression. There is always this, what I have now, light as well as darkness, beauty shown to me in such unique and curious ways, and I am constantly in awe of my surroundings. So much has been given to me, continues to be given, and I imagine my final breath is still a gift existing only for that moment. Through my forgetfulness, consumed by deepest grief and loss - this is what I return to, life, a paradox that even now so much is still given. 

always, I return to gratitude. 

~

Peace, Eric