Simply Don't Know

Simply don't know: 

because I simply don't know - and with this I'm not agnostic, refuting labels of any sort, as none apply to the reality of my experiences and situation. What I'm lacking are words, a description of what I feel is absolutely so in every moment, true, but in every sense a mystery. I don't need to add beliefs to this, no speculation, and no reason to dismiss a single possibility. 

does God exist? 

yes,

and it's difficult to say more than this, my words would only add a concept, an abstraction of what is felt by experience, no, by experiencing, as it is always of the moment. This isn't my belief in God, although I know many will claim it so, but again this is entirely my own affair, a private communion of holiness between myself and the world. 

it's here that I'll try and make things a bit more clear, even at the risk of contradiction - I say that I simply don't know and I hold to this position. I have no idea why a dense singularity, so packed with energy and matter, exploded as the universe, so creative in design that even space/time is part of its expansion. A universe that provides room for its own reach, and that conditions cooled from this explosion in such a way that planets and stars eventually aligned in some perfect harmony of existence. It's a miracle to consider. What's more is how life developed from this, how water appeared and life in single cells, but clever with intent, an urge know the experience of conditions, that when exposed to land there was an evolutionary moment, no matter the eons it took to unfold. 

it all leads me here, my own evolutionary moment, that I'm constantly exposed to my own awe and wonder of existence. I simply don't know how, or why, I came to be, and I give none of this to God as first cause, or make any claim to a grand design. My experience of God, so deeply intimate that I feel words will fail me, is of belonging entirely to...this. 

nothing more.

for me, God is life, a mystery told as physics,evolution and DNA, and is experienced by breath, and air touched against my skin, so subtle in connection that it takes a moment of deep quite for me to even notice. God is the sun just now peeking through first light in a corner of my room. Why would I begin to speculate in what lies beyond this, it's all too perfect now, and even my wish to share this moment with a loved one no longer present, seems to fit so seamless in the whole experience. I simply don't know why any of this is so, and it seems that too, that it couldn't be any other way... just this, just this, always, only, just this. 

for every given moment. 

~

Peace, Eric