Care-Given

Care-given: 

sick for the first time in several years, and grateful that's now and not when I was care-giving for my father. Even the slightest cold then could turn into something serious and land him in the hospital. There were several times when he was hospitalized with pneumonia and I feared he would make it home - but he always did, with the last time being in hospice and he passed away the very night of his return. 

so thinking about care-giving, my father and his love for me, and my own ragged cough right now - this is what he would want from me, my own loving-kindness turned around and offered to myself, tenderness offered to a sick and tired body. 

my father would say....

care for yourself as you cared for me.

and so I do.

somehow...

already feeling better.

~

Peace, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Wounded Mind

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Wounded Mind

Wounded mind:  

this morning I woke, hours earlier than usual, and with a wave anxiety building to the verge of panic. It's been awhile since this has occurred, well over a year now, but still familiar in its grip. This time it was triggered by a chest cold that made it difficult to breathe through the night, waking me with a choking gasp for breath. It doesn't really matter though, as every bout of anxiety stems from a tiny thought of fear that's run wild, raging larger and stronger over a short course of time. 

so that was my early morning. 

fortunately, I have some tools at my disposal, even if they're hard to access at the moment anxiety happens. First there is a reservoir of emotional health that I've been building, a daily cultivation of breathwork, mindful motion, and settling into the stillness of meditation. This is my bedrock, long established, and available as a strength for me to draw from. What this has done is cultivate a field of awareness that allows me to recognize a fearful mind. Just this background sense of calm alone is often all that's needed to lay some fear aside. It also provides a small opportunity to initiate a break in rampant thoughts, one mindful breath is often enough, a brief hum to provide a sense of calm, or some gentle motion that settles the body down. 

slightly, however slightly...

a peaceful seed has now been planted.

for me, I work with these seeds until I'm able to do some proper breathwork, calming the nervous system and reducing fear to a manageable degree. Yoga asanas follow, then meditation, and a walk through nature. Writing helps, as does any creative endeavor. More seeds planted. This is what I work with, and they've been enough to provide me the means to heal a wounded mind.

one moment at a time.

and that's all that's needed. 

~

Peace, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Like Yoga

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Like Yoga

Like Yoga: 

for the first time in several years I slept in this morning, granting myself almost an hour past my regular waking time. Still, this got me out of bed by 3:00 a.m, with plenty of time to work through my routine, my pace a bit more hurried, but everything accomplished. This little extra rest felt much needed, my nights have been extended some lately, so a little less sleep than I'm used to. As well I'm under the weather, a bug of some kind, and my body is urging me to recover, to be gentle, and tend to its needs. 

so I'm listening.

finally.

honestly it's taken me some time to arrive here, my body has always felt like an instrument that performed well when given a task to perform. I've pushed myself through some extremes in the past, physical goals, events, and, I think, just wishing to be in control of something. In a world in which I felt I had so little influence, I could, at the very least, push my body to it's limits.

the last few years have shown me otherwise though. 

my life is much more gentle now.

happier too.

oddly, it also seems I'm more disciplined, waking up just after 2:00 a.m for breathwork, meditation, and yoga. I follow this with writing and my first walk of the morning, and the day still holds a workout, more yoga, and some running. Yet it still feels gentle, even spontaneous in its routine. Nothing is forced and I'm listening to an inner call that prompts me to this motion. It's as if I don't move until I'm guided to, a slight momentum that urges a fuller, longer expression. 

right now -

my life feels like yoga.

deeply so.

through everything I do...even sleeping in.

~

Peace, Eric

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Continuous Forgiveness 

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Continuous Forgiveness

Continuous forgiveness: 

what does it mean to live a life of continuous forgiveness? For me, with the principles of A Course in Miracles long studied and practiced, it's simply being less concerned with the actions and opinions of others, that I am now more focused on my own heart center and what I can offer to the world instead of what the world will do for me. 

it's just an easier way to be.

forgiveness here, in this sense, is not something that's bestowed upon another, it doesn't justify someones behavior or actions, nor does it condemn anyone either. What's called for is to see beyond the surface of hurt and sorrow, deeper still to the very heart of all that matters - 

we are divinely one in our true origin.

innocent,

I'm asked only to recognize this through every present moment.

seeing that only love is real.

it's a practice.

and I have a lifetime to get better.

~

Love, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Pleasure Writing

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Pleasure Writing

Pleasure writing: 

I love these quiet mornings when I don't have to write anything at all, there's nothing urgent for me to say, and the words come softly to me at their slowest pace. This is just pleasure writing, a joyful ease of thoughts that meander to the page. It seems to happen most often on these colder mornings, there's a feeling of contentment here in the warmth of my office - with my coffee mug steaming next to me, a cat who joins me with a purr, and a mind that feels satisfyingly still. 

so I let words find me.

one,

or a few at a time.

enjoying what this moment offers.

~

Love, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Tilting Earth

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Tilting Earth

Tilting earth: 

it's winter now, maybe not officially by date, but the bite of cold tells me so. This isn't my favorite time of year, and each season seems to remind me why earlier still. Cold is just more difficult for me now, sinking deeper into my bones, and the chill doesn't seem to leave me until summer is fully on. Winter just feels longer for me than ever before - and my interior landscape reflects this mood as well.

it's a hard season for me.

as it is for so many.

and yet with each passing year I'm able to settle into this discomfort, not happily so, but with a sense that what's present is the only possible scenario and won't change until the earth tilts closer to the sun. I'm okay with that not, there's no battle against the cold nor demand for the earth to hurry in its tilting. The season is here for its duration - and just this acceptance brings an ease of mind. 

it's that simple.

nothing has to change to suit me.

life remains beautiful through harsh cold as well as blazing sun. 

and as my mind accepts this,

easing in its judgement,

I settle into a great forgiveness, one that eases my body's grievance against the cold, no bitter complaints against the icy sweep of wind. I forgive the world for being the world...

tilting earth and all. 

~

Peace, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Imaginary

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Imaginary

Imaginary:

forgiveness too is an illusion, being just a tool imagined for a very specific purpose. What this means, what it actually does - is simply and only returns us to the present moment of our invulnerability. It demonstrates that right now and always, we are immune to the idea of attack. 

forgiveness is an imaginary tool that sets us free.

and liberated...

we then offer only love.

~

Peace, Eric 

To read more from Headless Now, please visit: Stories

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