Here I Am

Here I am: 

on my own, last bit of medication taken the night before and no more left to face the sleepless hours ahead. And so I turned to prayer, ritualistically at first, a repetition of familiar words to ease me back from the edge of panic - soon though, as with every prayer, a silent communication was revealed.  I'm a fan of brevity, only a few words needed, even with prayer. 

maybe especially with prayer.

Here I am, Lord.

as my litany of prayer fell aside those four words from the original edition of A Course in Miracles emerged as a soft whisper to the night. Indeed, I was present, aware, and willing to trust that I would be brought through whatever the dark hours ahead night hold for me. As it turns out it was - sleep, rest, and lots of dreams that revealed the presence of loved ones gathered around me.

again, it was prayer that brought me back from the edge, keeping anxiety from gaining any traction in a worried mind. But it's what followed those four words that sustained me - a complete surrender to simply being present to each moment as it arrived. 

and here's the miracle:

time, no matter what fraction of a slice of a moment we break it down to, never does arrive. Not really. It's always and only the holiest of an instant right now. 

Here I am, Lord....

feeling broken, 

on that familiar edge of discomfort and anxiety.

surrendering to this Holy Instant

and that brought me through the night.

~

I love you, Eric

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Thank you.