Brain Attack

Brain attack: 

several months ago I suffered a bout of Bell's Palsy, the left side of my face was locked into a tight and unresponsive position, losing my ability to even briefly hold a smile. Fortunately, my condition cleared fairly quickly and completely, my normal smile, and with much reason, has returned. A notion that has stayed with me, replaying in memory, is the phrase used as I wheeled through the emergency on a wheelchair, being treated as a possible stroke patient and the repeated declaration of a "brain attack" coming through and the quick response of by doctors and nurse upon hearing these words. It was both frightening and reassuring at once, that here was a team of highly trained professionals ready to take the proper action as soon as this term was used - yet hearing myself being referred to as a victim of a brain attack, my own most valued instrument turned against, had me feeling scared and vulnerable. I remember attempting a smile and telling one doctor what a scary term they used, and she smiled in returned and said that had never considered it so, it was used for an immediate call for action. It certainly worked and I'm happy that it did, a truly wonderful team of professionals literally leaped in care and concern for my condition. If it had really been a brain attack, a stroke, a quick response is imperative and was what this team had given. I offer my gratitude in return. 

strangely though, until I heard that fear invoking term, I wasn't very frightened. Accept for the absence of my smile and the loss of proper vision in my left eye, I felt fine and was confident that nothing serious was involved. It was only hearing of a possible brain attack that I became concerned, giving this phrase some deep consideration, how my brain could possible attack a system that it served. I think of it often even now, months later, no longer with any sense of fear, just the curiosity of parts turning against another, the breakdown of coherence of an operating whole. 

of course it's not an attack at all, more of a malfunction, the body no longer serving in its proper communication. A few years ago I read Jill Bolte Taylor's wonderful book, My Stroke of Insight, her story of how an actual brain scientist recovered from a debilitating stroke, what seemed a true brain attack to her as she prized her intellectual ability above all.  Yet what the author discovered was a deep coherence that operated even as she was wounded to the core, how the mind immediately attempted to regain control with new neurological pathways, a completely different mode of communication than before. In fact, coherence isn't really interrupted, only rerouted to a less efficient mode and that healing is the simple, yet complex act of returning to a more viable form of inter-body communication. 

so there's a greater wisdom involved here, a true and deep coherence plaything through it all. With any seeming attack the body/mind is immediate in its response, offering pathways to return to its normal functions and communication. Healing takes place at once, beginning to restore and regain a lost sense of balance and control. 

coherence. 

as for me, I am extremely fortunate, there was no brain attack at all, my smile has returned and life goes on as usual now. Yet I still think of that term often, the vocabulary that we use for conditions that require healing. I'm grateful for the quick response to these words, especially with time so critical to those moment after a stroke's involved. Most importantly, that phrase is now a reminder to me of my innate ability heal, not an attack of any kind, but a breakdown of most important communication, and that even when disrupted there's an immediate action for coherence to be restored. Life is always balancing, never static in a single state, adjusting constantly through every point and challenge. That's my true healing, allowing life to find its balance, trusting that greater wisdom even as I offer my mind and body its due care. 

and with this...a sure and deep coherence. 

~

Peace, Eric