Know Myself

Know myself: 

that I more aptly know myself as a process, a bundle of seeming parts that act somehow as the whole affair of Eric - and even this is just a seamless show of life, one more aspect in an endless display of energy and structure, appearing and then gone once more. To know myself as this, sensing both my temporariness as well as my essential nature, is to relax into the very process of my being. Life is handling every important function of this, air given freely to my lungs, heart beating without thought or command, every cell perfectly aligned to hold my form, and the world just right for my existence. I am grateful for it all, everything, for the whole process that somehow allows this self to arise and come to know itself as alive, existing, complete within the world.

and that just as easily...none of this may have happened.

to know myself, is to appreciate the impossibility of truly knowing a self at all, that no aspect can be taken from the whole, examined, analyzed, and declared independent in its own existence. I exist only as a process, being fully complete through interactions of infinite sources that will forever remain unknown, mysterious in their cooperation. 

and yet I know myself as this impossibility.

somehow.

that seems a magic word to me, somehow, as it defies any need explanation - somehow I exist, and I'm aware that it is so, and none of it can truly be explained. Again, as a process, there are infinite points of my existence, each essential, nothing that can be taken from the whole and held as my example. I am those infinite points, I am the motion that brings about their connection, the urge that gives cause for interaction, the original vibration that made it all happen. 

everything. 

and somehow. 

to know myself as so. 

~

Peace, Eric