Fragile

Fragile: 

sleep is often a fragile thing for me, it has been for many years, not being swift in its arrival and so easily broken from its hold. There's seldom more than an hour or two of uninterrupted slumber and those hours are cherished as they occur. Meditation helps, breathwork and yoga too, but there are still long stretches where the deep quality of rest eludes me. As a caregiver, this trait would serve me well, being on edge with listening, sensing any disturbance in the rhythm of my father's breathing - I could readily respond and be there in an instant. 

now, there's just the listening. 

being on edge between two worlds...

awake and sleeping.

in these hours, breathwork seems to help most, recognizing that my nervous system needs a prompt towards the right direction, easing it to a more relaxed rhythm, softening, guiding my mind and body to a restful state of being. It seems the anxiety of sleeplessness is a self-feeding issue and this is common to so many of us now. We count the moments of our being awake, realizing the deficit of sleep that's created as these moments grow to longer hours and the night slips by.

 breathwork helps me break this cycle. 

sleep is still a fragile place for me, I sometimes find myself awake, listening, on edge between those two worlds. I'll use my breath to guide me, first by simply being aware, locating its rhythm from the belly, rising, allowing an easy fall completely on its own, and often this gentle awareness is enough for me to slip into the night's embrace. What's key though, is just accepting myself as awake, to give myself to listening without need of anything specific being heard, following my breath towards wherever it may lead me, lengthening a soft exhalation, relaxed, finding peace here, exactly where I am. 

a fragile place.

and yet I find myself resting there.

simply breathing.

~

Peace, Eric