My Surrender

My surrender: 

and I call it my surrender, and yet really I play so little as an active role, everything simply already in the motion of letting go and only now I seem to be aware that this is so. It's not my surrender anymore than I can lay claim to ownership of any aspect of life, believing myself to be solely in control of how it flows, as if I have any say in what stays or goes. Life is far too mysterious for me to have any real sense of being in control, it's a belief that's been surrendered long ago, and again without any choice of my own. It's just a turn of life, how things have happened, and with my response so seamlessly entwined through it all that it's easy for me to believe that I'm in charge. 

but really, 

I've been surrendered long ago.

or at least so it seems - life is motion, continuous, and my surrender occurs through the very same instant I'm reborn as something entirely unique and new, and again it's all so seamless as to be barely noted. This is creation, death and resurrection through instantaneous surrender and becoming, a process of its own accord with absolutely no point of my control. 

I am fully of the process. 

and yet I bear responsibility, as an appearance in this flow there's compassion for how it all unfolds, sorrow for what seems lost even as it's becoming something other than before. My surrender is reality, and so too is each moment of  my becoming, creation being equal in loss and the gain of  brand new worlds. I am Shiva now, destroyer of worlds and the cause for their return.

it's not my surrender at all,

life is simply happening...and I belong fully in it's flow. 

~

Peace, Eric