Qualities of The Moment

 

Quality of the Moment:

so everything seems to be a quality of the moment, that to be aware is simply noting the mood of existence and what appears in its unfolding. This isn't any claim of a cosmic truth of any sort, and I make no promise that this is so for anyone but me. It may prove to be otherwise to my own perception as well, I wish to hold nothing past its point of my own observation. But right now I watch the easy flow of things, I listen to the morning song of birds and cars commuting in the distance. My immediate experience is the warmth of coffee in first sips, enjoyment of its bitterness that somehow still surprises me after thirty odd years of knowing its taste. I write, noting thoughts that turn into words and find their way to a complete idea across the screen. This too is always a surprise, finding myself each morning immersed in a creative mode, expressing whatever comes to mind in a unique way that belongs to only me. I am always grateful that words find me and that I have this time to write, observe my thoughts, and for coffee and the morning songs too. It all seems to come together in a perfect sense, that I am aware of each aspect without break from my attention, everything being expressed as a quality of the moment. 

again, I have no idea if this is true, and it doesn't really matter to me - I'm not in pursuit of any ultimate truth, my days of being a seeker have shifted to explorer, noting the present moment in only what it offers me for now. I allow myself the luxury of being, there's no rush to discover a single thing, relaxed in mystery, my only role is to write what occurs to me. It's a pretty easy gig. 

so here I am, drawing the morning to a close, last sip of coffee taken, and words concluding on their own. It seems this is where mystery has taken me, and I'm content with what's been told. This moment, as each will, has its own mood, qualities of infinite sources that found their way here, to be expressed, or perhaps just rest in this awareness. It's all shifting now, as it always is, even as I write of this experience. Yet the quality of the moment continues, offering a new expression, another aspect of mystery that belongs only to the grace of motion. No words will ever capture any of this. But if I'm lucky, a little bit of grace lingers in these words, a memory of qualities from moments long ago, experienced in some new way with every reading now. 

~

Peace, Eric 

I Am Always Ready

 

that I am always ready, everything received in the only moment that's available - and this too includes all the things that seem to catch me unprepared, from subtle shifts that change the day's agenda to sudden confrontations that bring questions to my faith. Everything is instantly accepted. This isn't to praise my sense of equanimity, nor give cause to mindful practice and meditation. It's about reality, how life is upended without notice and yet somehow, even with a strong denial, what appears now belongs without pause for me to say otherwise. Life happens through its own course of events and in most ways I am powerless in its current. But not helpless. It's in knowing that what is brought to this moment belongs by virtue of its appearance that allows me a certain sense spaciousness, and that my response is equal in this belonging, no matter any judgement of my own. 

it's not resignation, it's simply the reality of the moment and the awareness that this an experience of continuation - my reaction in its initial phase and then response to all that follows. There's no plan, there can never be a true plan for the spontaneous play of life. What there is, is the awareness of my own spontaneity, that I joined as life in its current, that I am motion, flexible, and all allowing too. By nature, I am always ready. No matter my response. 

so this is the readiness of being alive, life in continuous call and response, natural, effortless, and at no point is it ever any other way. I am always ready because I'm alive, the very same spontaneous play of life that delivers in surprise, nothing is excluded from my own sense of presence. It's reality - and in this awareness, everything belongs. 

~

Peace, Eric 

My Own Occurrence

My Own Occurrence:  

but I am aware, and this seems to be my one true claim, that I note my participation as life, an aspect of its flow with a sense of belonging to its current. Through this I find myself more fully involved than ever before, or perhaps more attentive to the details of certain moments. To be aware isn't abstract, or a one off affair of any special quality. It's daily life, happening with the realization of my own presence though each instant, unwavering, and without need of my assistance. What I find now is my own entanglement, that I'm not removed as some passive observer of events, but fully immersed in the qualities of experience. What occurs is my own occurrence. 

it's all pretty simple really, and it took no special teaching for this to be - to be aware is just noting my own existence, that I am alive, and more that I know this to be so. It's an easy awakening. This is the intimacy of belonging, knowing that each moment is here, now, on my own insistence of being, my experience of what's present is the experience of myself. 

so life continues - but I am aware and this does make some difference. Not in any magical way, but in an ease of wishing for things to be otherwise. It's the simplicity of being present. This isn't a call for mindfulness of every detail that occurs each moment. To be aware happens in the same manner as the heart beat, in the natural draw of breath and its release. I am relaxed through this all, my own easy breath of being aware, involved in the moment by virtue of being present. Nothing has changed from any other moment of my existence. But I'm aware - and grateful that I know it.

~

Peace, Eric 

My Own Coming Autumn

 

My own coming autumn:

it's a season of letting go, of leaves in a brief flash of color and then released to the ground - it's hours gone to growing darkness, and warmth to colder touch of sun. Yet I feel no real sense of loss, perhaps a small sorrow for times passage, a growing sense of age and my own coming autumn. No leaf clings to a branch with any hope of skipping seasons. What comes is its own release, a moment not chosen but accepted once arrived. Life happens, nature, and letting go leads to winter, barren branches and bitter cold. It's often a time of struggle, it is for me, cold touches me deeper now, to the bone and seemingly all the way to the soul. I miss the longer days, more time in the comfort of sun, and I mourn for the loss of green, it's vibrant proof of life offered in display. 

it's autumn now, winter not so far, and everything is in the midst of change. I have no idea how many seasons I have left, none of us do, each of us coming to our own letting go. There is no sure way to prepare for this, to surrender a certain moment for the uncertainty of whatever comes next. It happens on its own, nature's course that includes me in its flow no matter what I wish. But I do find myself prepared in a sense, that I am alive now, and my attention is turned to letting go, to my own coming autumn - each moment is its own season, a spring of existence concluded by the winters cold. It's a seasonal becoming, with no true ending, seamless, one thing letting go of its own sense of being in order to continue as the whole. 

there is a letting go, now, and at once there is a new becoming, life offering itself in a new display of both loss and wonder. It's a full season, not just autumn to winter and all that follows, but the continuation of existence, life eternal in this very moment. No, I have no idea of how many seasons I have left, but I am assured of my own letting go, that it's happening now even as I write, and the next word will come in a season of its own. Each moment is a small letting go - yet somehow still...life continues in its flow. I am not a season set apart, and aware of this, until my final letting go, I continue too. 

~

Peace, Eric 

A Certain Grace and Awe

 A certain grace and awe:

existence is enough, just being, and accepted as life in its unique flow of events and my own awareness of this happening. Nothing needs to be added to this, no afterlife that adds a greater promise, nor a special state of higher power. It's enough for me to exist, to simply be, and to know that I'm aware, and indeed I find myself in a certain grace that this is so. 

it takes no effort for me to exist, not for the bare essence of being - my existence is cared for without concern, a heart that functions in a rhythm of life, lungs that give measure to exact breath to stay alive, and infinite functions of cells, molecules and further still particles that have somehow danced my form to life. It's a miracle of being, and all this for the sole and only purpose of my life. I spend no small part of my day in gratitude. 

that I am alive is a gift, and there seems little enough to offer in return - my wish is to bring note to this awareness, a certain awe to life itself and how I find myself included in its hold. To exist is to be a displayed miracle through every moment, a testament to effortless function, and an aspect of life that has awakened to its own potential. That I am, alive, aware, in certain grace and awe - this existence is truly enough. 

~

Peace, Eric 

A Conspiracy of Being

 

A conspiracy of being:

it's all a conspiracy of being, that somehow the universe exist in such away for my existence, and in any one way from infinite chances it all simply could be other. I am because everything is just so, balanced, and harmonize for the sake of being. With no idea of why this is true and no wish to assigned a higher purpose other than a wish for life - I exist and this is cause for deep gratitude from my end. None of this ever had to be and only by great fortune it is so. I am alive and I am grateful. 

this is a conspiracy of what's unseen, not of power but of grace - it's a universe of design without a grand designer in place to call for order. It's existence in conspiracy with itself, perhaps surprised to find itself aware of all that is occurring, a spontaneous awakening expressed as individual sense of being. I have no idea and of course this is only speculation. To find myself aware is my own surprise, a big bang of smaller proportion yet equal measure - I have come from seemingly nothing, nowhere, and found myself a complete system of balancing events that all occur beyond any thought of my control. At this point I only know that I exist, an aspect of life with a wish to be expressed. 

a conspiracy of being, it's something that holds these gathered things together - without question I am infinite particles, molecules, and cells in a universe of personal concern. My body happens in a delicate harmony of events, a chemical reaction without cause for my response. In this sense too, I belong to events that host my sense of being, a universe of both chaos and tenderness, somehow perfect for me to be, and providing the means to be awakened. I seem to be in on this conspiracy in some curious way, to be aware of this fragile balance without fear of being unraveled through the endlessness of my surroundings. It somehow seems that I belong within it all, a point of light as true as any star. That's the tenderness of it, my belonging to it all, and that I don't unravel for the simple reason that there is elsewhere else for me to be. I am an arranged state within existence, a conspiracy of being, a gathering of stuff somehow found aware. 

~

Peace, Eric 

The Ease of True Being

 

The ease of true being:

so I find myself at ease in the deepest sense of being - that my body performs its every function of necessity without need of my concern. From cells to molecules and down to particles that somehow gather to hold this point of form, there is no effort of my own, no intent for this to be. This is the ease of true being, a synchronicity of events that keep my life in form and motion. It's a complete trust in nature and each moment defies odds for this continuation. But each morning I am graced with another day of being and for this my trust is held in awe and wonder. 

this is truly an unearned grace, to be gifted with a precision to participate so fully in life, finding myself aware of how fragile this all is, any one moment could lead my world astray. For me to approach life with anything other than a high degree of tenderness would seem to dishonor what's been give, That every cell and molecule continues in this gift, operating in perfect fashion and asking only to be expressed as what I am today. In this light I can only proclaim myself unconditional love, from every cell in service to my aware sense of being - I am love.

so yes, I find myself at ease, and even days that offer storms and darkness have found a way to belong. Life continues in its own mystery, and that it has dark clouds that appear as trouble is no more surprising than my appearance. My trust in life remains unshaken. I am a grateful participant, fully at ease through no effort of my own. It's the grace of true being.

~

Peace, Eric