A Non Argument From A Vegan

We can argue the pros and cons of a vegan diet - there are arguments to be made for both sides from the agriculture aspect to the medical industry. I think I can safely say that the vast majority of the arguments support a vegan lifestyle - but I'm not writing (today) to convince anyone of this or to make converts. If someone is firmly entranced in a lifestyle pattern (and diet is a life style choice) than no words on my part will likely sway anyone. And that's fine. People come to certain truths in their own time and in many ways. I will say, however, that being vegan makes me incredibly happy. No words will ever be able to truly describe the freedom I feel to have finally broken free from the cycle of cruelty we all have participated in. Worse, for years I knew I needed to change and yet I hesitated for the simple and selfish reason of not wanting to give up the momentary pleasure of a single meal. And still worse, I found myself no longer enjoying the meal because of the conflict that battled within me. Sadly, I only changed when the pain far outweighed any pleasure I found from eating meat. I wish by reasons had been more noble.Once the choice was made their was very little looking back and the immediate sense of relief, increased mindfulness, and lightness of being was reward a reward I wasn't sure I earned but welcomed none the less. Several years later this excitement is still present everyday. Athletically I am at the top of my game, spiritually I am finally congruent with my beliefs - okay socially I'm a bit of an outcast - but I embrace that label happily. So no arguments here, not today. Just a story shared by a very grateful, happy person.


Peace,
Eric

Mindfulness With Running

Mindfulness with running - watch the breath, inhale and the release, feel the spine strong and supportive, scan the body and breathe into aches, and stiffness and pain. Don't seek to change anything. Watch, breathe, release and repeat. Listen. Inner sounds and outer sounds - release any inner commentary. Just listen. See. See without a point of view. Simply appreciate. Breathe. Let the miles go by.


Peace,
Eric

A Little Note On Karma

I often hear people declare their belief in karma or the oft stated expression "karma's a bitch" and think about how this subtle process has become so misunderstood in the west. The word karma is Sanskrit and means action it also refers to the dynamics of cause and effect. Again karma is very subtle, simple and yet intricate as well. Buddhist thought likens it to planting seeds that will sprout with the attention we give it. If we plant a seed of selfishness and water it with thoughts that nourish it to action then we faced with a selfish life and all the attributes that accompany such a life. It's not punishment - it's simply the results that we have fostered with our thoughts, intent and action. Another Buddhist thought that expands on this well is the Buddha's statement that we are not punished for our anger, but that anger itself is punishment. We reply or act in anger and it is reflected in our relationships and our health. That's karma. Wishing for results of karma to be made visible and strike someone down is planting the seeds of our own karmic reaping. Our only issue is our own karma and never another's - and as karmic interaction plays out we find that this concern reaches far into the interdependent nature of all beings. Indeed no man is an island and the karmic bell tolls for all - yet it is our own garden that we most tend so that others may share in the fruit of our care and compassion. Adding to this little note is the role forgiveness plays - it's important - forgiveness transcends karma. Forgiveness is the grace that lessens and erases the karmic bonds that tie us to the past and frees us to plant new seeds of love and compassion that will blossom in future gardens of hope and beauty. Forgive, plant anew and rejoice in the world of our making.


Peace,
Eric

Buddhism, Meditation, Forgiveness and Liberation

Forgiveness leads to freedom. True freedom. Interesting - today I read of the importance forgiveness plays in Buddhism, specifically, Buddhist meditation - forgiveness removes a major hindrance in the pursuit of deepening our meditation. In the deeper states of Jhana meditation we enter a blissful absorption that opens us to insights on the nature of reality and this in turn frees us from the grasping nature of the mundane. Except for one thing - resentments block our ability to accept and enter this state of bliss. We literally block our way from liberation with our resentments and judgments. The way to deal with this hindrance is to face is head on, examine the illusionary nature of its existence - how it depends on our thoughts to feed its continuation - and to accept it, illusion and all - it served a purpose of protection and comfort at one time but is no longer needed, no longer desired. We wish for something more now, we crave freedom in our inner world. With acceptance and examination comes forgiveness, love and the freedom to enter the blissful states of meditation that will lead to a compassionate, fulfilling life and yes, to liberation.


Peace,
Eric

Hard Choices - Training the Mind for Ultras

It's just as important to train the mind for ultra running as it is the body - some may say even more so for once the body is on the verge of giving out it's the mind alone that will keep it moving - or call it a day. I've written quiet a bit here about the limits of willpower - it being a finite source of energy and motivation - while learning to rely on spirit allows us to tap into the infinite source of power. It's the surrender of ego and allowance of spirit that will take us the farthest. That being said - willpower still has its role to play. It's willpower that will get us to the point of surrender, that will take us out for the final lap where spirit resides. To get to this place we need to learn to make hard decisions and learn to embrace discomfort. This is where our training starts - to make that choice of getting out of bed on a cold, wet morning and putting in the miles. We pick the harder route and steeper hills. We run on tired legs. We're training the mind to overrule the body and yet at the same time we must stay mindful of the bodies needs - it's a razors edge. It takes practice. It's our training. Race day is the meeting of body, mind and spirit. It all comes together.


Peace,
Eric

Broken

Heart,
Broken…yet made for
This alone.

`

Our hearts break from a sold wall of grief - inaccessible to all but our own needs - to the spaciousness of our true nature. In our ache for recognition we reach and recognize others as kin to our suffering. The clenched fist of despair becomes the spread of open fingers - grateful to receive. Our hearts were made to be broken, to be undone and again beat as something more, something greater, deeper than it was before. We were made for this alone.



We Need To Try Something Different

Three dead in a Mall shooting in my hometown today. I don't know what to say other than my heart goes out to the victims and all those affected by this act of violence. And that's all of us - everywhere. As John Donne stated - No man's an island - and no victim of violence is left alone. We all suffer and we are all less for this loss of life. I have no answers to the hard questions that are and need to be asked after these crimes. I have no wish to start nor participate in a debate on gun control. There is something going wrong right now and more guns is obviously not the answer. Nor is access to greater firepower. I am at a loss for answers. We all are. Nothing is working. It's time to try something different. Maybe we can all decide what that may be?


Peace,
Eric

Mindfulness

Mindfulness training offers many benefits for health - mental, physical and spiritual. It's being brought to the forefront of public view in a very major way right now. Time Magazine has made it the cover story for this week. I'm happy to see this. I have been practicing meditation for 20 years now - Buddhist and other means and have reaped all of the rewards that the magazine mentions. However - I want more. I want my practice to take me all the way to Nirvana. I want to disappear. So I practice more. I sit more. That's my practice. It doesn't have to be everyone's though. 10 minutes once or twice a day will be an event that pays off in life changing ways. And maybe - one day you'll wish for more too.


Peace,
Eric

Just a Breath

The breath is my meditation. Followed to stillness and then perhaps more, perhaps transcendence and later Nirvana. All from a breath. A single breath known fully from the moment drawn to the point where it's let go. I wish to disappear within the breath and once stilled to be no more than pure existence. Just a breath - fully realized.


Peace,
Eric

Nibbida - Ultrarunning, Meditation and Life

I have been reading a bit about Nibbida - a Pali word that is defined in the Buddhist tradition as disenchantment or skillful turning away from the world of Samsara towards the transcendent. It's a difficult concept to understand and even more so in practice. However it has great worth in meditation as well as leading a happier, more meaningful life. In meditation we are able to turn away from the senses and their sirens call of stimulation while in daily life we use the practice to turn towards the subtle things that true happiness is based upon. In this regard it is very much akin to the Vedic concept of detachment and A Course in Miracles where the student views the material world as an illusion that must be forgiven to reach a higher understanding (much like Nirvana)
This has helped me quite a bit in not only quieting my mind but also guiding me through a spell of depression of late. More so (hey - I'm an ultrarunner) I have been viewing it in terms of racing. Already the parallels are striking - especially in the last two 24 hour races I've run. What can make a 24 hour race so difficult is that a runner passes the start/finish mark in every lap - as well as their car and other comforts that lead to an early finish. It's hard to turn away from such things on tired legs and mental fatigue. It takes skill. Practice. Nibbida. A willingness to turn away from a strong pull of immediate comfort for something greater that perhaps may be intangible. I'm exploring this in more detail in training, racing, meditation and my life. I'll see where it takes me.


Peace,
Eric

Reduce

The reduction of self can be a handy tool for ultrarunners. I don't mean physical weight loss (although I'm certain that may be helpful to some) but the reduction of self involvement and how it can weigh heavy on our performance. Imagine if we ran purposely solely for the enjoyment of feeling the miles pass and scenery change. No other reason to run than to run. We let the finish come when our steps take us there and not a moment sooner - no projection to when this may pass. This is running with spirit. It's a possibility. In letting go of my self - I strive for it.


Peace,
Eric

Always the Breath

The breath can take us all the way there - from the first seat of meditation to the last breath before Nirvana. And all we have to do is follow it and let go of all that is not breath. Follow the breath and we will disappear  - all that will be left is a beautiful stillness empty of all things but the essential truth of who we are. Know the breath as it comes in and the brief pause before the sigh of it's release. Wait in the silence of it's next coming. Thoughts appear - let them go. The breath is our returning point. Always the breath.


Peace,
Eric

Run Like Kilian

I've watched this video many, many times and the question that always runs through my head is - how is it possible to run like that? Kilian runs with such grace, fearlessness and determination that it almost doesn't seem humanly possible. And for most humans it is impossible. Therein lies that answer. I once heard an interview with a Hawaiian Kahuna (Shaman) and he was asked how one became a Kahuna - his reply was telling - "a Kahuna is raised on knowing" You see a Kahuna doesn't know that the miracles of healing he/she assist in aren't possible. There is only a knowing of what must and can be done. Kilian Jornet runs like this - he runs with a knowing that this is how he is supposed to be moving. There is no other option. Of course Kahuna's are raised to do the miraculous and Kilian was born and raised in the high mountains with parents who encouraged this fearlessness - so what about the rest of us? There's hope. As we run we can think about what's possible, we can have a mantra of Yes playing within while banishing the thoughts that intrude otherwise. We can believe that we are running in accord with the laws of nature and spirit and that grace of motion is our birth right. We can believe and we can let go and we can trust in the wisdom of our spirit and body - we can simply run. It's worth a try.

Peace,

Eric

Holy Waters

We move beyond the simple
pleasures of our bodies.

Yes...the thickness of desire
still hangs humid in the
air.

We taste it on the words we
speak.

And the weight of fingers pressed
warm across the flesh...thrills
to a deepness past the
bone.

This will never change.

Yet we have opened doors that
lead to higher worlds.

We have glimpsed the
ocean.

And now nothing else
will do -

But to swim in holy
waters.

~

Everything is perfect as is - and yet we find ourselves drawn to experience a depth of self unknown in a days reality. This too is perfect. Our longing is a sirens call to deeper waters. From waves to the stillness of the oceans floor we swim in holy waters. We can float, or wade or fully submerge ourselves in the bliss of pure consciousness - but never be afraid of getting wet.

Peace,

Eric

Low Mileage

I'm hoping to turn myself into a low mileage racer. Sounds simple - just run less miles. Yet I'm also hoping to be a successful low mileage (ultra) racer. Sounds paradoxical - to race long distance you have to train with distance. And you do. Just maybe not all at once. Which is what I did last year while training for my first attempt at 100 miles. 30 Mile training runs were the norm for months at a time - followed up the next day with another long(ish) run. The training left me fit - but also on the verge of injury and feeling flat for some time after. This year my aim is one long(ish) run a month - mostly from races of 50k or more followed by more moderate runs of 16, 18 and 20 maybe even venturing up to 24 or so - and less volume during the week. I believe my new plan will call for a high of 58 miles at its peak. Last year I hit 90 miles for several weeks in a row. It's doable. But is it necessary. That's what I'll find out. Stay tuned.


Peace,
Eric

Ghosts of Alzheimer's

A deep sadness has hold of me. Three years after my mothers death it seems to have hit me fresh and hard and relentless. I miss her - but that's not quite it. Along with my father and siblings I was a caregiver for my mother in her final years with Alzheimer's. I was with her daily and witnessed her struggle to connect, to communicate and to be seen....to be really seen....past the illness and into the lost person reaching out...asking for help, for kindness, for patience, for understanding. I wonder if I saw her. I hope she knows I tried. I'm haunted by her loneliness and it has settled in my soul. I'm not sure I can reach out any more than she was able to. I take to the page and try. A few words. Less helpful than needed. I remember my mother struggling for words...any words...for to talk was to connect. I hope I listened. I mean really listened - what was said and what was meant. Truly meant. I hope she knows I tried. There's a thousand ghost running through my head yet not a one is her. She's gone. The part that suffered and feared is gone. The truth of her lives on and offers comfort. She would not haunt me and would not want me haunted. For her sake I'll let go. Just not right now. Not tonight. Tonight - I'm alone with my ghosts.


Eric

Lessons - Third Anniversary of My Mother's Death

Third anniversary of my mother's death...I'm remembering the strength and grace she showed in the course of a very long, hard illness. I thought it was her final lesson - yet I still find myself learning. There are lessons just now unfolding and lessons that promise more in later times. Learning to let go was and is difficult and yet I find now that the real lesson is not just on letting go but on opening the heart to feel her presence beyond the physical. And this is where the real and important lessons are learned - within the heart. My mother was a teacher her entire adult life. I believe she choose that role in timeless realm before her birth and lived her life in regard to that higher calling. No one taught better. I'm still learning. Thank you Mom.


Love,
Eric

Happy Vegan

I'm happy to be vegan. My diet minimizes harm to other beings. I am conscious of this at every meal. I am full of energy, healthy, strong and fit. I recover faster from hard workouts and long races than ever before. I don't feel 48 years old - whatever that is supposed to feel like. How I eat has a positive impact on the environment. My meals are simple - and delicious. No animals are tortured for a moment on my plate and a fleeting sense of taste. My cholesterol and blood pressure are perfect. I just feel good - all the time. I sleep better and wake quicker now that I'm a vegan. I run faster and farther each year. I don't eat animals - that alone is enough to make me happy.


Peace,
Eric

The Year of......

Last year I signed up for my first 100 mile race and declared it the year of the 100 miler. The year didn't turn out exactly as planned but in training for my first 100 miler I did learn a lot, I ran a lot and did set distance PR's of 63 miles, 77 miles and finished the year with 83.7 miles. I feel ready to apply all that I've learned into further attempts this year. Yet I will refrain from declaring it the year of 100 miles - not for lack of confidence but because the distance is less important this year than the journey. I will cover a 100 miles without doubt - maybe this year, maybe next - I know for sure that I will run with a light heart and easy stride no matter the distance. This is my priority - my only goal. Everything else is a bonus.


Peace,
Eric

Running With Ego

It seems some runners have an identity crisis - runners who have given much of their identity to the sport and for whatever reason are no longer putting in the miles, or effort or passion they once did. Things change and running isn't static - it's hard to maintain a state of intensity that many runners do - especially for many years. Yet I have friends who feel that running took over their lives and are almost resentful of that fact. I do understand this - running can be all consuming at times. The issue isn't running however - it's the ego. Look past the ego and running is simply motion - sometimes fast and sometimes not quite so. It's the expectations of the ego that confuses motion for something more, for giving us a false sense of being and doing what no activity could possibly match. With the ego less involved running becomes pure motion again - a joyful expression of spirit moved to move. Here's here we find balance - as the ego lessens then everything becomes this same joyful expression - running is only one aspect and no less important (or more so) than any other. Racing becomes a way to not bolster the ego but to challenge it - can we be truly humble in victory (or setting a PR) and  view others doing better or we being slower not as a defeat but a shared experience of pure wonder? If we relinquish the ego we can - and it's a worthy endeavor. It will change forever why - and how - we run.


Peace,
Eric

A Wave

Such a small motion...

A wave before the final turn
of your goodbye.

And the night is split by the
intimate grace of your
hand.

There are two sides to my
infinity.

To suffer in your absence...and this
longing that binds us in the
confines of forever.

Such a small motion...

A wave on the edge of
infinity.

`

There is weight to even the smallest gesture - a single smile can touch a million hearts and the wave of a hand can split the world in two. In the mindfulness of motion we ask for grace in all we offer. Even in the smallest things we do.

Peace,

Eric


Return to Simplicity

So far 2014 has been marked as the return to simplicity - a very basic lifting program based on two moves (Get ups and Swings), a low mileage running plan based on frequent racing and an emphasis on long runs, dietary changes  are a return to simpler fare with the goal of getting leaner for the racing season, even my meditation is breath centered with an aim of losing myself within the Jhana states of absorption. My reminder through the year will be to let go, to return, always return to the pleasures of the soul. Perhaps the year can stretch to a lifetime....


Peace,
Eric

Experiemtn of One (Diet stuff)

A few dietary changes coming up in an experiment - less fruit based (still fruit included though - just not as a sole source of calories) and more slow burning carbs. The goal is to get a bit leaner for the upcoming ultra year. I'm a little heavier right now - which isn't a bad thing - yet I would also like to be just a bit leaner and I think the slow burning carbs may no the trick. We'll see. If not I will switch back to the raw through dinner, fruit based diet and make some other changes to see what works. As always - an experiment of one. The remaining constant? I'm a vegan. That won't change.

Inspire

It's a very good feeling to play muse and be a small part in some larger act of creation. We never know what action or word may be a spark to a great fire. We're all burning and yet some simmer with a dim light of inspiration. Be the person that fans this flame. Encourage others and seek to lift and be a light to the world. In the end the all inspiration returns us to spirit.


Peace,
Eric

Trust

Trust. We know that every breath will fall on it's own accord. We have faith in the rhythm of day and night. The world turns unaided. Why should our lives be any different? Except for the single, fearful thought that we're alone. And yet we are as essential as the sun and moon. We are organism within a larger scope called humanity and further still we are linked in a spiritual force called God. Nothing exist with you...and me. Trust. We are cared for and guided - we must only learn to listen.

Peace,
Eric

Drawn

There is nothing that's not
drawn to you.

My hand moves with a sense of
where you are.

Even from a world
away.

 

`

 

 

There is no truth in distance. With eyes closed we embrace the space that lies between us - a void filled with promise and a faith we hold together. Close your eyes - this is the only truth we need to know.

 

Peace,

Eric

It's Never Enough Except It's Enough

I thought 75 miles would be good for my first 24 hour race back in November. Until I got it. Then I started to ask myself why I didn't get 80. This week I ran 83 miles in my second 24 hour race. It didn't take long for me to question what it would take to get 90. My ultimate goal is to reach 100 miles in a 24 hour race this year. I think that would be enough. Except of course it's never enough. And then again it is. I'm completely satisfied with my mileage and performance for these races. Some miles could have been run faster, harder - I could have fueled better and walked less. That's the nature of the sport - self analyses not self criticizing. I'll take these lessons to heart and run better, stronger and faster next race. I'll get more miles - maybe. Every race is different and we perform with what we have on any given day. I'll try though. I will do my best. And I will be happy with what I get. I'll also want more. I won't stress about it though. I'll just try again. And again. I have a lifetime ahead of me. I plan to enjoy every mile.

Peace,
Eric

Timed Races (And Why I Love Them)

I have really fallen in love with timed racing events - the freedom within a given structure holds so much promise for me on so many levels. It becomes running in it's purest form as almost all other distractions are gone. It becomes all about motion. And the mental challenge is tremendous as a runner can quit at anytime. At Freedom Park the temperature dropped to 22 degrees with a cold and steady wind  - a heated tent waited at the end of every lap to warm runners and we passed our car as well. Spending long hours in the tent or simply going to the car to lie down (or worse - go home) was tempting - but miles only add up when a runner keeps moving - so we moved. All night. And into the morning. Of course some opt to nap and come back stronger and get more miles-  that's a viable strategy and one that I'm sure I will take sooner rather then later. Yet right now my focus is more on continuous motion than pure mileage. This will change and my plan will change along with it - that's all part of the mental aspect of this game. My next planned 24 hour event is in March and I'm hoping to up my game and soon reach 100 miles. I think of these races as training runs as well as each time I make it through the night I feel that much more prepared for other long races where the structure is less than ideal (Mohican 100?) Anyway if any runners haven't run one yet I really urge you to sign up - even a 6 or 12 hour race just to get your feet into the game and onto the track. Thanks for reading.

Peace,
Eric

Race Review - Freedom Park New Years Ultra Run 12/31-1/01 (2013/2014)

The new year was brought in with a run - 24 hours worth with the Freedom Park New Year's Ultra Run - a 24 hour event in Morganton North Carolina. It's a shame that this is the last year this event will be held because it was a fun, low key race with great support and some amazing athletes. The winner ran 131 miles and an a 85 year old runner set a national age group record for 50k. It was an honor to be running on the same track as these guys and all the other talented, determined runners. I closed the year with a distance PR of 83.7 miles. It wasn't easy though. Coming into the race sore and tired but with a thought of 100 miles I ran my best and kept on track for this distance until early evening. The asphalt and strong winds wore me down and made for a long upcoming night so my pace slowed considerably. Still I kept moving through the night and let the miles slowly build. My plan was for a big finish as I did at Croatan 24 in November but the hard surface of the track really did beat me down. I few slightly faster loops in the morning and I was done at the 24 hour mark - happy - but done. I'll take the PR and the lessons learned and come back strong for my next timed event in March - a 100 miles in the cards and I'm excited about it. In fact I'm really excited about these timed events and the challenges they present - not too mention the fun and party like atmosphere they offer. I hope more people take advantage of them and rack up some miles. Next one for me is in March  and I'm already looking forward to it!

Peace,
Eric

Early Freedom Run 24 Hour Post

An excellent day (24 hours) of running - not for all the things that went right (a few) but for all the things that went wrong (a few more) I had a big PR but it was no means the effortless run of Croatan a month earlier. The important thing is what I take away from the race and there is much. Details to follow - stay tuned!

Peace,
Eric